Loneliness

I feel lonely quite often. I imagine many people do but most don't want/like to admit it as it's seen as a weakness of some sort maybe.

This subject has been gnawing away at me lately. I'm in my late 20s and it's been nearly 3 years since the end of my last relationship. In that time I've had to move abroad twice for work, each time further away from my old friends and family than the last. And to make it worse, I've been in temporary teaching positions so haven't been able to lay roots where I've been, and where I am now.

Nearly all of my gay friends are in long-term relationships, as are my siblings and quite a few of my straight friends. I haven't met a woman that I've wanted to start a relationship (or who has wanted one with me, I guess) in the past 3 years! And I'm not really a scene type of girl, so ways to meet girls are pretty limited. So yeah, I've become increasingly lonely. I think it's the feeling of dread when you're invited to a social engagement like a wedding or a birthday, and you're sat between happy couples for the night. I don't begrudge anybody their happiness, or ever feel specifically jealous about anybody's relationship.. it's just that feeling when you know you have to return to your home alone at the end of the night!

That's grand Sam I was just checking. See how it goes here first!

lonelytwenties wrote: »

Nearly all of my gay friends are in long-term relationships,

Really? Wow! Not even one of my gay friends is in a relationship! But then, we're gay guys! In my opinion, gay guys are less likely to be in a relationship than our straight counterparts. This could possibly be why some people say being gay is a 'lonely life'.

The only way to combat loneliness is to join clubs and groups. There are many for for the LGBT community, especially if you're living near Dublin or Cork or some other large urban area.

Hi Sam Tyler,

I am going through the worse moment of loneliness in my life, first of all I just came out to my parents and friends, all of them supportive as well as the group here but still. I would say I never ever cared about this "area" of my life either because I didn't accept myself or thought it was just a phase, even though I knew I was wrong. Just didn't bother myself. Don't know if it's your case... As a matter of fact, I am a long-term Brazilian student in Dublin which is not the case of my friends who left the country worsening my situation. I still have some very good straight friends around but still feel lonely. I tried going out in gay bars, the experience has been amazing till the moment I was 'innocent enough' to look for something serious over there. I slept with two guys and they vanished, I felt like rubbish after looking for them either because I wanted a relationship or friendship but they're gone. All this because I felt lonely... Last week I've been to a LGBT meeting which was really great! Guess it's a very good start in this situation. You'll interact with gay people, make new friends... I still feel lost and lonely, it's all new for me but I'm trying to deal with the situation taking the advice I got here. This is a hard moment I know, not easy to deal with it but we'll manage that

I think in all our lives, there are times when we experience loneliness, I know when I first moved to the UK and moved in with my partner, I was very lonely. This was due to me cutting myself off from my old friends and family for at least the first couple of years in our relationship. Looking back on it, I don’t know how I got through it, how we both got through it. It caused so much sadness between us that I blamed him for everything; I must have been a nightmare to of lived with.

Unfortunately I would self medicate with alcohol to try and numb myself from my deep unhappiness and isolation. I eventually found out; that wasn’t the way forward and I was close to losing my partner if I didn’t get a grip.

I found that meeting these feeling head on was best of course Sober. I now drink for social reasons only and my life has moved on considerably.
I still have times where I feel lonely but nothing as intense as those first few years, like most things I’ve put it down to experience.

Well said stephen, I'm quite alone recently, the girlfriends away, as are a lot of my close friends, it's pretty crap being in the house and having nobody there, but I'll go out in about an hour, have a whale of a time, and feel all the better for it. In contrast if it were this time last year when I was actually depressed and lonely, had somebody actually managed to drag me out for the night I would have just felt more isolated for being in a crowd and feeling seperated from it. I definitely would have drank myself stupid and that would make me feel even worse the next day.

How'd I deal with it? Therapy. I had a bucketload of problems which had to be dealt with. If you do feel isolated and down you really should speak to somebody about it, I mean anybody, friend/partner/stranger/GP, whoever. It's not something to be ashamed of, everyone goes through it at some point, to some degree, and it can do a world of good to just have your feelings recognised.