I caught my girlfriend of 5 years texting and ringing some guy from her work. She admitted to "having an affair". Though this morning she says she only kissed him twice - which I do not believe.
I can't really take any higher ground - seeing as I haven't been innocent in the past also, but I would love some advice on how to deal with this whole situation, and also feel free to slate me/the relationship.
I have not slept all night - been watching tv / attempting to sleep on floor of spare room / attempting to deal with chest pain&anxiety. I have been an absolute mess on the phone to my sister today and hearing her voice helps soothe the anxiety. I avoid calling the sister for the night as she had work and I already kept her up late.
Anyways, we live in Manchester together. She was after a bottle of wine - which is why she got sloppy hiding it from me and I caught her trying to delete messages, and when I eventually got her phone and saw call log she admitted it. I rang the guy out of absolute madness - can't even remember the conversation but he pretty much confirmed what she admitted by saying "you need to speak with your girlfriend not me". Not that it needed confirmation.
Difficult to get the whole story across in one post, but I'm not faultless in this, we have had many fights lately. I haven't been making enough effort.
I know this isn't an excuse for cheating, but I have no foot to stand on really, or bring myself to be angry with her(yet) as I have done the same in the past as mentioned above, albeit to a slightly lesser extent and at a less crucial period.
One thing that really pains me is that rather than it being just a drunken fumble, she has been texting and ringing him
I have this full on anxiety in my chest. Only get brief 5 mins respite from it when I pace around and try and distract myself. Wish I could just man up and deal with it.. the thoughts are bloody terrible, but the chest anxiety is even worse
Been through it before when an ex cheated on me. (Seems like a pattern if forming of me being a useless idiot in relationships!)
It is looking like it could be an extremely lonely few months/years ahead, which is probably a selfish thought. Last relationship was only a year and it hurt bad for a couple of years. This could really last a while, especially considering how highly I think of her (despite doing the dirt)
I'm almost 30 too - thought she really was the right one, I don't think I will find or have time to find or have any single friends to go out with and find someone quite like her again. She is 26. We literally have the same personality and get on really well most of the time, but recently I haven't been making effort with her. We always have had our odd fights, some pretty nasty but never gotten to this low.
Sorry about this disjointed mess of a post! I really wish I could get some pointers from people on dealing with anxiety! (Not including prozac - though I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for something unrelated, I might just ask for sleeping pills. - Any tips on what to say to GP to get these?! )
Another issue, which is not a huge priority with all the above thoughts currently in my head, is that we have an expensive 1.5 years left in rental agreement which we already struggle to pay. On a quick google, I think if I find replacement to move in and pay rent - the letting agents might cooperate, even though they are not obliged to do so. Any other suggestions on this?
In addition to all you lucky people in more solid relationships - I would also be very grateful to hear from anyone who has managed to continue through horrendous stuff like the above.
I think from reading my own rambles above - this relationship is pretty doomed and probably has no hope of repair - not that I will even get a say in that judging by our conversations this morning. It had shakey foundations to begin with, which we have been just patching over.
I still love her. I justify it to myself that she is easily influenced after drink - this perhaps being a reason not to repair as it may only happen again, in much more serious circumstances - house, kids etc.