Dear Santa

I too would like a surprise, along with a scealetrix set and a game for my Amstrad 464+

Dear Santa

I'd like a Reliant Robin and a Batman suit. And a selection box. And an iHP140.

edit: actually I'd love an Austin Seven.

id be happy if i got either of these, tho id prefer both...

Delorean DMC 12
Red Dwarf: Series V

id like to get a suprise and lots of beer to last me the year

I'd like a nice big house in the countryside with many hot maids... oh and a surprise!

Hagar, I'll see what I can do on the johnny seven gun, but the elf who used to specialise in those took early retirement due to lack of demand (anyway, I think your name has been on the naughty list a few times recently).

SMAK - I have a DeLorean but it won't fit in the sleigh. You can pick it up anytime before end of November from the North Pole (things get a bit busy round here after that!) or I can send it by GLS, though I tend not to like using them....they were set up by one of my former employees, an evil elf who liked making people wait extraordinary amounts of time for their packages !

Doper than U.....Fraid I can't deliver on the ponies...the elves have a bit of a pony fetish and I'd get no bloody work out of them if I brought in ponies !
As for the house, the Irish Construction federation have threatened to bring me to court if I deliver any more free houses to people, so sorry !
As for the world peace.....I've promised it to Bono if he'll stop singing !

Demeant0r...What is it about you Irish and country houses. Damn those blur lads for putting all these ideas in your heads. Fraid I can't get hot maids (Mrs Claus has put her foot down on that sort of thing since the swedish triplet au-pairs for the elves !

Chrismon.....I get the feeeling no amount of beer would last you the year, but I'll see if I can sort you out till february at least !

Lyra, See explanation to Doper than U about the house and on the lotto front, Ray Bates had threatened to sue if I get the elves to make any more lotto tickets so it'll just be the selection box.

tman....You get nothing for dissin santa. I'm going to write to your parents and let them deal with you !

Kdjac....I've been looking back at your previous years requests and you are in fact greedy, but I'll see what I can do.

Impr0v....I had Cat Deeley's address and the love potion but unfortunately Mrs Claus hid it after I didn't get back till late January last year so no can do!
I have Twink's address if it's any use ?

Gummyberz, I've had an awful run on iPods and the elves union is on to me about the maximum working week so I'll have to pick up some MP3 players in LIDL but sure they're all the same anyway.

Sceptre & Roar....Reliant 7 & Amstrad 464's. How about I give ye a time machine and you can sort yourselves out (Just don't get lotto numbers from the future....Ray Bates will have my ass in a sling if there's any of that carry on!)


Just remember, I'll be watching you all ! (BTW Hagar, I'd get that rash seen to....and SMAK, it's not going to grow any bigger so stop trying to stretch it or I'll have to count it as being naughty !)

Karl,
The elves refuse to make that DVD as the whole giant ball thing chasing down the prisoner freaks them out and I get no work out of the for the week (Honestly I'm thinking of getting a few oompa loompa's in here as they never gave Willy Wonka any trouble and what's more they didn't have a bloody union like the elves have....I mean 3 hours of tea breaks a day and then they always threaten to go on strike in december to look for more money!)

I do however have the Entire series of Prisioner Cell Block H on DVD which you can have it if you want !

As for LCD monitor, does nobody here realise that the technical abilities of your average elf is somewhere around that of a TCD Comp Science 3rd year student so I'm looking to get a toaster out of them. If people could stick to asking for wooden train sets and the like and tap their parents / significant others for computers/plasma telly's and the like it'd be much appreciated !

Santa

Sorry Jor el, but elves, fireworks and reindeer do not mix. I had the vet out last year after a few of the elve got drunk and thought it would be funny to stick a roman candle up blitzens ass.....Let's just rudolph isn't the only one with a shiny red body part now !

eefs wrote:

Dear Santa,

I would like the Polly Pocket vanity case with the roller skates in the bottom drawer that I dreamt about when I was 7, and never showed up under the Christmas Tree '91.

Eefs, Ask your brother what happened to them, as I left them under the tree (It was a green tree with lights on it...see there's proof I was in your house otherwise how would I know that)!

Rainbow kirby, Are you sure you've been very good ? You can't lie to Santa you know !
I'm having a few copyright issues with Nintendo over the DS but it should be sorted by Christmas and then i'll have one for you.
One of the elves knows Daron Malakian well, so I'll see if he can put in a word with them. We had them here at the north pole last year and the rocked !

Nemici, I don't reallyt do belts anymore due to the christian brother's misuse of them....but if you prmoise not to use it as a weapon I'll sort it out.
I'll get Mrs Claus cracking on the Battenburgs and I'm sure the sense of self righteousness will develop in it's own time !

Dave....At those prices i'd be mad not to use LIDL...elf labour isn't cheap you know ! Also, see my previous post about elves and the electronic skills (or lack of) being similar to Trinity students.
I still get the elves to make the monmey I pay LIDL with, so it all works out nicely !

ToxicPaddy....My name is Santa Claus, I think you're confusing me with Santa Macari who owns most of the chippers in Dublin. Sorry I can't help you !

BEAT, I have always been and remain faithful to Mrs Claus. I think it must have been an impersonator who fathered your love child....I hear there's a few of them about (Impostors not love children).
I did get the letters, and believe me I had quite a bit of explaining to do to Mrs Claus to convince her that you are a mad deranged stalker.....So please stop writing to me or I'll be forced to seek legal advice (Rudolph told me from the start I should have got legal advice....but honestly, who listens to a reindeer with a bright red nose!)

BEAT wrote:

I knew u existed, I KNew IT!! Selfish adults, they must have wanted all the presents for themselves. Well I secretly knew you really did bring me presents..infact I must have been really special because I remember you bringing them right into my bedroom I was so proud...and you even slipped into my bed and gave me a *special* present Btw,
His name is HoHoHo ...I named him that since you always yelled that out when ..well you know when
So, he is 12 now and we havnt seen you in awhile...I started to believe you didnt exist and HoHoHo was a love-elf from an elicit affair I had with that mall elf who said he could show me where Santa hid his BIG toys.

So imagine my relief and excitement when I saw you posting on the Boards!
Why didnt you ever return my letters? I sent them to the North pole every winter...Have you forgotten about us?
I mean really...how many kids could Santa have?

What I want for christmas...to hear you yell out HoHoHo again..I will be wearing my special santahoe suit
I think you remember where my chimeny is...hehehe

He never replied to you because you heckled me over my Harley :-p

you were on his 'naughty' list - hehehehehehe

::: ven0mous :::

World peace and an end to all hunger.

Failing that, iPod, Gucci Envy and lashings of chocolate.