Lahvlahn Thread from 18/11/16 so to speak

Living Off The Splash wrote: »

I still don't know what the point of the phone call from the Brit with the piss artist brother was about.

A dose of seasonal misery, courtesy of Joe.

https://twitter.com/RealJoeDuffy/status/809831799346135045

Me Weekly Column, by me, Joe Duffy so to speak.

Wat a week so to speak! Aside form the Chrimbo fees coming in early as no wan will be wurking in RTE until mid-January so to speak, dis week I turned my business closing skillz from small-time mom 'n' pop operations onto a magical empire dat turns over tens of tousinds of eurodollars a day and dat. You're probably tinking of Disneyland so to speak, but I'm actually referring to de Wunderful Wizard of Whathurfurd Keet Barry so to speak. Dat say fools and dare munny are easily parted - and dis is certainly true when RTE and fees for telephone operators - but Keet managed to get 200 peeple ta give him €395 ta be cursed at for a few hours according to our callers. If dares wan ting I'm known for and consistent on it's my absolute zero tollyrance for gratt-chewittus use of bad language, especially wurds like f*ck, sh*t, shoyte, willy, bollix etc. And it doesn't matter how famous you are or if you wrote a brillunt fanatastic wunderful comedy about an Irish Mammy I make no exceptions for dat. He also did promised dat dayed give up de fags and dat.

Pic: Keet Barry, pictured with a caller's munny so to speak mettyforickly and dat.
At furst I did de tinking it was like wan a dem Christian Camps in America ware day learn not ta be gay and dat, but den I remembered it was cigarettes. Either way, he failed, and now tanks ta me de business of learnin' de peeples ta give up de fags baccy is failed too. Dose of you dat live in Whathurfurd can look forward ta a celebrity in yisser dole queue tanks ta Uncle Joe. Aldough like me I'm sure as soon as Keet had a few sheckles he got de fook outta de kip he was reared in and dat so it may be a more posher part of de country and dat dat he duz join de dole queue. Dat'll teech de young bollix ta do a show for TV3. De ting dat confuses me de most abour dis hole ting, is dat given de bauld Keet duz claim ta be a mind reader and a psychic and a mentalist dat, how did he not see it comin'? And still no sign of refunds so to speak....



Wat's in de box Keet? Is it a refund? It is in it's bollix!

And speakin of peeple dat did forget dare roots and do de luvin' a bit of cursin' did I mention de brillunt wunderful fanatastic Brindin O'Cardle will be joinin me in my annual pretend ta give a ****e about de Chrimbo and dat event on Grafton St.? He's so clever and a geeKneeUs, so much so dat I have him on de show every few weeks ta tell us all about how amazing he is and how humble he is too. I wunder where he did learned doze skillz so to speak? I'm so humble Mariah Carey did congratulate me on me humbleness. For dose of youz dat look at me like de fashun icon dat I am I can confirm dat de red velour waistcoat and dickie bow are in de dry cleaners gettin' ready for de Chrimbo Eve show. I know yisser all do love dem.

We also had de brave soldiers dat did patrol de border between Nordren and Suddren Ireland on de phone durin' de week lookin for medals. At first I awt day had losted medals day already owned but den I found out day were lookin for medals for doin a job. Day told us of de hardship of de seats in de trucks wit no cushions, de Doc martens been too tight and only available in black, de deafness dat did befell dem and left dem cast down so to speak, de pension at 50 and wurst of all de soldiers from Cark only had access ta Lyons Tea bags instead of Barrys. Amazing (if you had never heard my show before) I managed ta get more dan wan show out of dis topic dat no one in dare right moynd would give a f*ck about, but you know me and my pet projects and bizarro interests. I'm hoping ta get a buke ourra it "De Medals of De Soldiers Dat Doyed Defending De Border and dat". It will be a short buke. Whilst doin de show I was hopin' dis brave American soldier who duz love Ireland would call in....check him out:

Seamus O'Fionghusa so to speak, or De Irish Priavte Pile as he will no doubt be known as when he turns an AK47 on his entire batallion at some point in de future so to speak - remember ware ya hurded it first so to speak.



Read more abour Seamusín here:

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/us-soldier-who-learned-irish-on-the-internet-is-set-for-tg4-26808011.html

After all de cursin' dis week we're probably due anudder slap on de wrists from de BAI so to speak. Part of dis charade is I take a few days off and Fill-in Boucher Hayes will come in and read out an apology. I see dat Fill-In descibes himself as de full-time host a me show now. Well Fill-In ya little bollix, duz de jingle have your name on it? Are you gettin' fees like mine? I dn't care if yer uncle got ya de job, yer just me lackie and don't you fookin' forget it. I'll say de same ting ta ya as I'll say ta de BAI - would youz ever bite me sausage (Brinidin gave me dat wan for free so to speak).

Anyways, dat's enough for dis week - dare not payin' me by de wurd here! Just about ta settle down ta watch a car crassh now - not a real wan so to speak, although if dare was a death in it now I wood watch it - but D'Arcy's Show. Looking forward ta seeing some real stars on it tonight, like Leo from Fair City and wan a de weathermen. Watching de show is like sittin' in de RTE Canteen on a quiet day. Still, have a six pack of Bollinger ready ta go and just ordered de take away from de GeeBows.

See yisser all on Grafton Street dis week and dat!

'til next week, keep de faith.

Rock Lesnar wrote: »

I wonder will he cover McGregor winning SPOTY, he surely will as we all know how much he loves that sport

Lol. Not unless McGregor does an appearance on Mrs. Browinz Boyiz will Joe touch dat subject. Joe is far too much of an intellectual (in his own moynd) to discuss such a brutal bastardisation of pugilism. :rolleyes:

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Two day...
Update on Say Dee, in a nursing home and wanted to go home.
Increase in drink driving, lady who was caught said it's best thing ever happened to her.
Crime in tipperary, talking to victims.
Mass cards being mass produced, lol, have they any validity?

Are day talking about Mike Lowry? On Da Lahv Lahn?!!! :rolleyes:;)

neris wrote: »

Joe was very quick to block me off twitter at the 1st mention of a critical tweet. Funny though the liveline twitter haven't blocked me. Joe really is an egotistical pansy who's bubble of peace & nice niceness is so far from reality

Seems Im blocked now

Ha! Ha! Dat's wat you get for giving Joe some of yer auld guff.