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Any parents in here?

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  • 22-08-2010 10:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, I'm a regular on Boards but am going anonymously for obvious reasons!

    Any how, I posted a thread in the parenting forum titled 'How do I tell my daughter her father is gay', which tells the full story.

    In a nutshell though, my ex came out when our daughter was younger. We remained friends and he is now with a long term partner (who I get on fantastic with), child is still oblivious and I'm starting to feel that she needs to be told.

    I guess I'm just wondering is there anyone in here who has gone through something similar and could they offer any advice?

    Any advice welcome,thanks.


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    #2
    Donnaghm
    Registered Users Posts: 299 ✭✭Donnaghm


    Hmmm, I'm not a parent but I find that it's nearly always best practice to be honest and open with your kids or they'll resent you when they find out for themselves.

    Congrats on taking your husband's sexuality the right way btw.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi i'm a regular poster but I'm going unreg for this.

    My dad is gay, i'm unreg because hes not out to most people. my parents split up when i was finishing primary school. soon after i came out myself i guess you could say my gaydar went nuts around him, i started believing it about a year before he came out and i have to say that day made me so happy, i knew he and mum didnt work quite right and now i could see why, and where i used to blame them and even myself a lot for it after years of it being in the back of my mind i could finally cop on and get that some things cant work, aside from that i was unbearably happy because he was finally happy. you might think your child is oblivious but she may not be, even if she doesn't conciously know a lot might fall in to place for her once shes told.

    i agree your child needs to know. hes the one that has to tell her, or both of you, its not your place alone, both of them would probably feel pretty rough about it if you did it.

    and ive only just thought to look at your parenting post(http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056006438 if anyones interested cant link unreggd) and realised shes ten.. but i'll leave the above info just incase its any good to you. you wouldn't be shattering her innocence to tell her, her innocence is what makes this so likely to be fine, theres no prejudice, a man i know came out to his family recently, and his 8 and 10 year old nephews take it fine, it amazes me how there oblivious to the fact that there might ever be seen to be something wrong about their uncle and his partner, its all just so natural to them.

    honestly 10 is a hard age to judge not knowing your daughter, she could be so wise to the world or completely ignorant of it... either way i'd say he needs to tell her.


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    #4
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    I'm not a gay parent myself but I had a look at your thread on the parenting forum, I agree with the advise you got there. Sit down with her together, you've already had "the chat" during which you mentioned sexuality (kudos) so as others told you over there, she might already suspect. It's best to tell her sooner rather than later. And don't worry about her loss of innocence, kids are incredibly resilient. My own nephew found out I was gay when he was younger than that, quite by accident and he's totally fine with it, I'm still he favourite uncle ;)


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey all, thanks for advice so far, and a lot of it makes sense. I'm still trying to psyche myself up!

    Once again, any advice welcome!


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    #6
    Kanoe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,522 ✭✭✭Kanoe


    I have a 16 year old daughter, I was as straight as a die when she was growing up so it was never an issue, fortunately she was old enough to understand when it came to it ...in and around as much as I was :)


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    #7
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    I, too, would advise telling her before she hears from her peers that a lot of people have a problem with it. 10 is a good age, I think, as she's old enough to understand, yet young enough not to care, so to speak. It'd be a good idea to hear it from the horses mouth, and not from other kids who have copped it, as it might be a source of resentment, towards both her dad and to you.


    EDIT:
    Just read in the other thread that you're worried about shattering her innocence. I think it'd be safer that you do that yourself, where she can cry and be angry without embarrassment, rather than being shocked by other kids.


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