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How to be the "Funny Guy" in the office

  • 27-01-2003 2:16pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭


    Warning: A bit rude, so don't read it if your going to cry about it


    10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

    9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you were just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of f ucking queers.

    8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make a noise like you are hocking up a loogie.Then spit the custard into a glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat that."

    7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good ass f ucking.

    6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

    5. Answer every question asked to you with "F uck if I know" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even correspond to their actual race.

    4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them all sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hands.

    3. Sh!t on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it is the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is covered in sh!t, laugh and point at them and call them a f ucking asshole.

    2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! Help me!" Then when it stops, look down and say "Oh."

    1. Ask to borrow someones pen. Bring it into the bathroom and stick it in your ass. Take it back to the person you borrowed from and ask them to smell it. When they tell you that it smells bad, tell them, "It should. I had it in my ass."


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 55,533 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    They're rude alright, but don't worry about it - people will more likely complain about the fact that they just aren't funny at all. :rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭Mad_Patrick


    Is mise muppet mór.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,754 ✭✭✭Big Chief


    Originally posted by TmB
    people will more likely complain about the fact that they just aren't funny at all. :rolleyes:

    agreed...


    how will that make you be the "funny guy" btw?

    shoulda been worded -

    How to be the "Guy gettin sacked" in the office


    even then it would still be a load of bollocks :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 593 ✭✭✭Carbiens




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,033 ✭✭✭✭Stark


    should be how to get committed to a "home" where they make you wear a strait-jacket and a nappy all day long.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 372 ✭✭catspring


    Originally posted by Mad_Patrick


    2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! Help me!" Then when it stops, look down and say "Oh."


    i'm assuming you run backwards for this one coz otherwise that's gonna be fairly messy.
    i gotta agree with my fellow "post a reply"ers, that they are, indeed, not funny


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,005 ✭✭✭strat


    man there f ucking classic

    ohh and mad patrick you are a f cucking asshole gay etc





    *


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,339 ✭✭✭✭LoLth


    emmm,

    Main Entry: 1fun·ny
    Pronunciation: 'f&-nE
    Function: adjective
    Inflected Form(s): fun·ni·er; -est
    Date: 1756
    1 a : affording light mirth and laughter : AMUSING b : seeking or intended to amuse : FACETIOUS
    2 : differing from the ordinary in a suspicious, perplexing, quaint, or eccentric way : PECULIAR -- often used as a sentence modifier <funny, things didn't turn out the way we planned>
    3 : involving trickery or deception <told his prisoner not to try anything funny>


    One entry found for idiotic.


    Main Entry: id·i·ot·ic
    Pronunciation: "i-dE-'ä-tik
    Variant(s): also id·i·ot·i·cal /-'ä-ti-k&l/
    Function: adjective
    Date: 1713
    1 : characterized by idiocy
    2 : showing complete lack of thought or common sense : FOOLISH



    guess which the first post falls under......

    sorry, but that's just not humour. It's crap. You type that while drunk?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,838 ✭✭✭DapperGent


    Jesus I though they were hilarious.

    Thought their hilarity doesn't lessen Mad_Patrick's shítheadry.

    The shíthead.


  • Registered Users Posts: 677 ✭✭✭The_Scary_Man


    I think that is fvcking brilliant, the funniest thing I've seen in ages.

    How any of you can visualise those situations and not laugh is beyond me.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,484 ✭✭✭✭Stephen


    My signature says it all :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,839 ✭✭✭Hobart


    Originally posted by DapperGent
    Thought their hilarity doesn't lessen Mad_Patrick's shítheadry.
    The shíthead.
    Now that's funny!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭Mad_Patrick


    Thank you the_scary_man and the dapper gent for having a sense of humour, except the sh!thead part, that kinda hurt


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,046 ✭✭✭Dustaz


    This is a purile and unfunny version of a few much funnier emails from times of yore.

    If you find this stuff funny.....
    Sigh


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,299 ✭✭✭oeNeo


    They were excellent!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,888 ✭✭✭nanook


    have to say absolute drivvle


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,806 ✭✭✭Lafortezza


    I laughed alot,
    but how come this hasn't been modded? I would have thought it would have been chucked a long time ago


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,105 ✭✭✭Tyrrial


    can't say it was bad, but it wasn't great


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,216 ✭✭✭phreak


    Originally posted by lafortezza
    I laughed alot

    you humourless Bastard...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    nanook, I will be seeing you in the office tomorrow for some hijinx, tomfoolery and quirky party tricks!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 ✭✭✭Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


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