Why do people treat their children like adults?

kylith · 30-08-2010 12:59pm #1

I'm not talking about dignity and respect, everyone should be treated that way, I'm talking about giving them power over their schedules.

I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

What the hell happened to mammies saying "You're doing this on Tuesday"? What happened to them tearing the kid a new one if they refused to go? I distinctly remember when I was a child getting lectured on how much lessons cost, and how I'd made a show of her with my feckology, and if I didn't get in there now and pay attention I'd feel the back of her hand.

Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

[/rant]

WindSock · 30-08-2010 1:00pm

They are not children, they are little people....

irishgrover · 30-08-2010 1:03pm

kylith wrote: »

I'm not talking about dignity and respect, everyone should be treated that way, I'm talking about giving them power over their schedules.

I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

What the hell happened to mammies saying "You're doing this on Tuesday"? What happened to them tearing the kid a new one if they refused to go? I distinctly remember when I was a child getting lectured on how much lessons cost, and how I'd made a show of her with my feckology, and if I didn't get in there now and pay attention I'd feel the back of her hand.

Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

[/rant]

If I have any preference whatsoever, or it impacts me, then I make the decision and inform them of it.
However if in reality there is a situation where there are a number of possibilities, and the outcome has no effect whatsoever on me, then more often then not, I will ask my kids (all under 8) what they prefer.
No harm in getting them to think and make decisions for themselves.

However, as I said, if I have a preference, I tell then what they are doing...

azezil · 30-08-2010 1:03pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5LfeGcWiJ4

bullpost · 30-08-2010 1:04pm

Easy enough to recognise as well. They usually call the parents by their first names.

stovelid · 30-08-2010 1:07pm

kylith wrote: »

Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

http://www.organicmechanic.org/scratch/flies1.jpg

cynder · 30-08-2010 1:12pm

I have a soon to be 11 year old, She thinks she is an adult and i have at least 1 argument aday where i have to remind her she is a child and will be treated as such till she is at least 16.

She went to dublin to visit her 3 aunts and came back with a pair of 3 inch high heal boots ( iwould not have let her buy them). She is permitted to were eye shadow and lip gloss but no foundation (untill at least 15).

Kids are growing up so fast these days.

WindSock · 30-08-2010 1:15pm

grindelwald wrote: »

Kids are growing up so fast these days.

Take her out of school and put her to work like the good old days. That'll learn her.

Earthhorse · 30-08-2010 1:16pm

As I understand it, a child's got more bones than a grown up's got, so they probably fear that, were the situation to turn violent, they would lose a fight with the child due to it's higher bone count.

Archeron · 30-08-2010 1:18pm

What about Benjamin Button? Should he be treated like an adult or a child?

kfallon · 30-08-2010 1:19pm

Children are the adults of tomorrow!

mikom · 30-08-2010 1:19pm

Archeron wrote: »

What about Benjamin Button? Should he be treated like an adult or a child?

That question never gets old.

flyton5 · 30-08-2010 1:20pm

Leads to situations like this...who lets a 12yr old girl out after midnight?

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/teenager-remanded-on-charge-of-murdering-girl-2317018.html

kelle · 30-08-2010 1:21pm

stovelid wrote: »

http://www.organicmechanic.org/scratch/flies1.jpg

That link doesn't work!

flyton5 wrote: »

Leads to situations like this...who lets a 12yr old girl out after midnight?

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/teenager-remanded-on-charge-of-murdering-girl-2317018.html

Exactly what i thought when I read the thread title! The papers are going to town on her.

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-08-2010 1:25pm

And they call their children "guys":mad:

flyton5 · 30-08-2010 1:37pm

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

And they call their children "guys":mad:

I see Diagio stole your birthday too....we should rise up and take it back...

*i realise this is completely off topic...but it's a pressing matter....

30-08-2010 1:40pm

Kids calling their parents by their first names grinds my gears as well. Entirely the parents fault, as well.

Kids are not our equals. They are frickin kids

Ickle Magoo · 30-08-2010 1:44pm

Why do people treat their children like adults? Dunno...

Why do some people without children and still living at home with mummy and daddy consider themselves experts in parenting? It's just a funny old world, I guess.

stovelid · 30-08-2010 1:46pm

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Why do people treat their children like adults? Dunno...

Why do some people without children and still living at home with mummy and daddy consider themselves experts in parenting? It's just a funny old world, I guess.

http://www.briansarchery.com/newpics/arrow_target.gif

storm2811 · 30-08-2010 1:48pm

I was talked to like I was older but it was always up to my parents what I was doing or where I was going obviously.
I'd bawl my eyes out but it wouldn't make a difference.:pac:

pickarooney · 30-08-2010 1:51pm

stovelid wrote: »

http://www.organicmechanic.org/scratch/flies1.jpg

Error 404 = no flies on you?

stovelid · 30-08-2010 1:54pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Error 404 = no flies on you?

Works here in my browser.

On reflection it was a lame joke so perhaps it was divine intervention.

cynder · 30-08-2010 1:55pm

WindSock wrote: »

Take her out of school and put her to work like the good old days. That'll learn her.

She started at the stables last week, on saturdays she mucks out and takes people on trecks, feeds the horses and brushes them. Theonly thing is she found herself a boyfriend there, they went on a date to the canteen adn had a pack of taytoes........ how cute, in 3 years time i will be lucky if she tells me.....

Miss Ogyne · 30-08-2010 1:55pm

Far to many parents now a days (usually mothers) treat their child like their best friend and then the child uses that to manuplate them for example "If you don't give me what I want I won't like you anymore". There's nothing wrong with having a special bond with your child but it should be of an "I'm the parent and you are the child so my decision will always be the final one" nature and not of a "We are equal friends so all decisions can be negotiated" nature. It's like they think that if they don't do as the child says then the child will grow up hating them.

cynder · 30-08-2010 1:58pm

flyton5 wrote: »

Leads to situations like this...who lets a 12yr old girl out after midnight?

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/courts/teenager-remanded-on-charge-of-murdering-girl-2317018.html

Who lets a 12 year old after 9pm, let alone midnight!

yungwan · 30-08-2010 1:59pm

Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

I think parents who talk down to their children and use baby talk when they should speak to them properly are much worse.

"Here Conor, have a sausie wossie, dont let the doggie woogy get it"

Like wtf?! I always spoke to my 7 year old like an adult, because guess what? Speaking to them like babies does not lead to them growing up intelligently with good grammer. My son speaks very well for his age and he is able to make decisions himself because thats how I brought him up.

Do you even have kids OP?

I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.

cynder · 30-08-2010 2:02pm

yungwan wrote: »

Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

I think parents who talk down to their children and use baby talk when they should speak to them properly are much worse.

"Here Conor, have a sausie wossie, dont let the doggie woogy get it"

Like wtf?! I always spoke to my 7 year old like an adult, because guess what? Speaking to them like babies does not lead to them growing up intelligently with good grammer. My son speaks very well for his age and he is able to make decisions himself because thats how I brought him up.

Do you even have kids OP?

I talk to my 5 year old like he is 5, not 2 and not 10 or 15 or even 18.
(Ive been told he is very very bright)

i talk to my 3 year old like he is 3 but sometimes i have to talk to him as if he was younger as he has a speech and language delay and does not fully comprehend what we say.....

At the end of the day a child is a child and should be treated as such. A child should not be ruling the roost.

yungwan · 30-08-2010 2:10pm

grindelwald wrote: »

At the end of the day a child is a child and should be treated as such. A child should not be ruling the roost.

Yes, treated like a child. Completely agree. I do not allow him to overrule me on anything, or make a decision on something I do not agree with. I have no problem saying no to anything I deem inappropriate.

All I am saying is that I speak to my son very clearly and never "dumb down" conversations.

I use words I would use to speak to anybody else, and if he doesnt understand a word I explain it. This teaches him to speak properly I think. I also mean from the point of view of explaining things, I will always explain why we are doing something, so he learns about life in general.

But each to their own.

kiwi123 · 30-08-2010 2:10pm

it is so frustrating! When i'm at work and collecting children's food orders the parents will litearlly stand there for a good six or seven minutes letting their child decide what they want to order themselves. I feel like saying get a grip on your life your kid is three, it will literally eat fluff off the ground, just pick something!

Also i think giving a child choice in relation to thing like food / what they're wearing / what they want to do for the day ends up with a child being spoiled.

storm2811 · 30-08-2010 2:12pm

yungwan wrote: »

Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

I think parents who talk down to their children and use baby talk when they should speak to them properly are much worse.

"Here Conor, have a sausie wossie, dont let the doggie woogy get it"

Like wtf?! I always spoke to my 7 year old like an adult, because guess what? Speaking to them like babies does not lead to them growing up intelligently with good grammer. My son speaks very well for his age and he is able to make decisions himself because thats how I brought him up.

Do you even have kids OP?

I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.

Yeah my mum did the same to me and brothers,like if were going to eat something nasty she wouldn't say "No,no,that's yacky,yacky!" she'd say "Don't eat that you'll get sick!"

ejmaztec · 30-08-2010 2:12pm

kylith wrote: »

I'm not talking about dignity and respect, everyone should be treated that way, I'm talking about giving them power over their schedules.

I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

What the hell happened to mammies saying "You're doing this on Tuesday"? What happened to them tearing the kid a new one if they refused to go? I distinctly remember when I was a child getting lectured on how much lessons cost, and how I'd made a show of her with my feckology, and if I didn't get in there now and pay attention I'd feel the back of her hand.

Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

[/rant]

I think that you should take some of the blame, as you don't seem to be showing the parents who's boss when it comes to scheduling.

You should exert your authority, and tell them "It's either Tuesday, or you feck off somewhere else with your rug-rat!"

jimmycrackcorm · 30-08-2010 2:15pm

kylith wrote: »

I
I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

Now I understand why my wife keeps asking about our child: "Are you the adult or is he". Fecks sake - I don't care whether he wants nuggets or a burger in his McDonalds happy meal.

starbelgrade · 30-08-2010 2:20pm

My wife often treats me like a child. In fairness though, it's often the only way she can get me to finish my greens.

Ectoplasm · 30-08-2010 2:21pm

kiwi123 wrote: »

Also i think giving a child choice in relation to thing like food / what they're wearing / what they want to do for the day ends up with a child being spoiled.

I don't think giving a child a choice makes them spoiled - I actually think it can teach them something about decisions and consequences. By saying "You can have a OR b, but not both" it encourages them to think and teaches them that they can't have everything.

With them deciding what they want to do for the day - well that could be a case of them ruling the roost, which is ridiculous - but again, if you offer them the choice between X and Y, where is the problem in that?

AnonoBoy · 30-08-2010 2:21pm

People get really annoyed at kids calling their parents by their first names.

It's the opposite for me.

When I was a kid I demanded my parents call me Mr. AnonoBoy not Ignatius.

cynder · 30-08-2010 2:26pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

People get really annoyed at kids calling their parents by their first names.

It's the opposite for me.

When I was a kid I demanded my parents call me Mr. AnonoBoy not Ignatius.

I have to give my 3 year old choices to make him talk otherwise he would remain silent.

My 5 year old wants to be called tutumkarman.. sure i spelt taht wrong but i have to collect my daughter from school....

pickarooney · 30-08-2010 2:45pm

storm2811 wrote: »

Yeah my mum did the same to me and brothers,like if were going to eat something nasty she wouldn't say "No,no,that's yacky,yacky!" she'd say "Don't eat that you'll get sick!"

Mine would just say "that contains vegetables".

My 5 year old wants to be called tutumkarman.. sure i spelt taht wrong but i have to collect my daughter from school....

Just sit in the car outside with the engine running, honk the horn and call her. The 'toot and come on' technique.

Sorry, at one stage that was going to be a joke.

kylith · 30-08-2010 5:17pm

EMF2010 wrote: »

I don't think giving a child a choice makes them spoiled - I actually think it can teach them something about decisions and consequences. By saying "You can have a OR b, but not both" it encourages them to think and teaches them that they can't have everything.

With them deciding what they want to do for the day - well that could be a case of them ruling the roost, which is ridiculous - but again, if you offer them the choice between X and Y, where is the problem in that?

Choice is fair enough, but allowing them to dictate is just insane.

Watching Brother 1's family at dinner is unbelievable; the missus cooks dinner for himself and herself, 1 child will only eat potatoes and peas, one won't eat anything and the others only eat crap, and it's all because she started asking them what they wanted for dinner. They weren't given a choice of, say, chicken or lamb, they were given the choice of anything at all that they wanted, and now she's stuck cooking four dinners. Brother 2's kids have just have food put in front of them from day 1 and as a result they're not picky eaters at all.

If you give a child 100% free run of what they eat, where they eat, when they eat, what extra-curricular activities they go to on what days surely you're essentially handing the child-rearing to the child, and surely that will lead to the child deciding their own bed time, their own curfew, where they can go, who they can hang around with and what they can do.

Mr Cawley · 30-08-2010 5:18pm

yungwan wrote: »

Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

I think parents who talk down to their children and use baby talk when they should speak to them properly are much worse.

"Here Conor, have a sausie wossie, dont let the doggie woogy get it"

Like wtf?! I always spoke to my 7 year old like an adult, because guess what? Speaking to them like babies does not lead to them growing up intelligently with good grammer grammar. fyp My son speaks very well for his age and he is able to make decisions himself because thats how I brought him up.

Do you even have kids OP?

I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.

oh dear,

MarkGrisham · 30-08-2010 5:45pm

kylith wrote: »

I'm not talking about dignity and respect, everyone should be treated that way, I'm talking about giving them power over their schedules.

I work booking kids into classes and every day I'm left gaping in disbelief as yummy-mummies ask their 4 year olds "Would you like to do the class on Monday or Tuesday?" What the hell? It's a toddler, it doesn't know what a Monday is! And all the time the kid is just repeating 'No, no no', and they have to have a specific teacher teaching or the child 'won't go'.

What the hell happened to mammies saying "You're doing this on Tuesday"? What happened to them tearing the kid a new one if they refused to go? I distinctly remember when I was a child getting lectured on how much lessons cost, and how I'd made a show of her with my feckology, and if I didn't get in there now and pay attention I'd feel the back of her hand.

Is this what's wrong with children? Have they been given too much control by wishy-washy parents and therefore gotten the impression that they can do and have and say exactly what they want?

[/rant]

I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".

kylith · 30-08-2010 5:48pm

yungwan wrote: »

Maybe because talking to 5 year olds like they are babies and stupid will not help them develop.

Do you even have kids OP?

I do however agree that children should not feel they are 100% equal in your relationship. When you say no, it should mean no, and a child should not be able to manipulate you.

Who said anything about talking to them like they're babies? I'm talking about letting them make all the decisions about what they do, where they go and what they eat.

And no, I don't have kids yet. I do, however, have a rake of nieces and nephews, and a job working with children so I see all types of parenting strategies from all kinds of angles.

ejmaztec · 30-08-2010 5:50pm

MarkGrisham wrote: »

I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".

That's probably why priests aren't allowed to marry.

moonpurple · 30-08-2010 5:51pm

if you are watching a 4 year old being asked to make a choice between monday or tuesday you are watching a bad parent in action...

young children like to know that they are being minded, :pac:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 30-08-2010 5:54pm

Nothign wrong with giving kids a choice as long as they make one. I used to take the ex-girlfriend's kids to McDonald's and get them to decide what they wanted on they way.

If someone didn't know by the time I got to the counter, I would guess, and they knew it.

There are simply some choices you make and some choices the kid can make, but at the end of the day, they have to make a choice. The bad parenting bit comes in when you allow them to take all day.

kowloon · 30-08-2010 6:01pm

kfallon wrote: »

Children are the adults of tomorrow!

That's what worries me.

kylith · 30-08-2010 6:18pm

yungwan wrote: »

MarkGrisham wrote: »

I think a lot of parents are either over-thinking parenting, afraid to make the "wrong" decision in case they bugger up the child, or are the opposite and disinterested in doing the job properly. And far too many parents want to be their kid's "best friend" instead of being a "boring parent".

I wonder if this is more about some people's fear of getting older, or if it's a symptom of the fact that relatively few parents stay home to look after their children. Back in our mother's day there was a whole network of mothers who didn't work, who minded each other's kids, and who met up so the kids could play and they could chat. Recently I've heard people saying that they feel isolated after they have a child, or that they don't have a conversation with another adult from one end of the day to the other, and I wonder if the fact that some women choose to go back to work after having their kids impacts negatively on the psyche of stay-at-home mums.

Dudess · 31-08-2010 2:54am

grindelwald wrote: »

Kids are growing up so fast these days.

I bet adults have been saying that since time immemorial...

flyton5 wrote: »

Leads to situations like this...who lets a 12yr old girl out after midnight?

Had a feeling that would be brought up...

billy the squid · 31-08-2010 3:27am

grindelwald wrote: »

I talk to my 5 year old like he is 5, not 2 and not 10 or 15 or even 18.
(Ive been told he is very very bright)

i talk to my 3 year old like he is 3 but sometimes i have to talk to him as if he was younger as he has a speech and language delay and does not fully comprehend what we say.....

At the end of the day a child is a child and should be treated as such. A child should not be ruling the roost.

How does a three-year-old talk? How does a five-year-old talk? some three or five-year-olds have a more advanced vocabulary than others.

MarkGrisham · 31-08-2010 8:34pm

kylith wrote: »

I wonder if this is more about some people's fear of getting older, or if it's a symptom of the fact that relatively few parents stay home to look after their children. Back in our mother's day there was a whole network of mothers who didn't work, who minded each other's kids, and who met up so the kids could play and they could chat. Recently I've heard people saying that they feel isolated after they have a child, or that they don't have a conversation with another adult from one end of the day to the other, and I wonder if the fact that some women choose to go back to work after having their kids impacts negatively on the psyche of stay-at-home mums.

I've heard similar things from time to time. It's a tough situation and I can't really blame mothers for wanting to get a "break" by going back to work. There should be better support for young families but it'd have to be organised since families are smaller and more dispersed than they used to be.

Why do people treat their children like adults?

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