How do Nurses deal with patient's erections?

Quandary · 22-10-2010 9:29pm #1

Well AH,

Like the title says, what do nurses/doctors do when patients get a boner during bathing/examinations etc...?

I came across (pun-5

) a post on the site www.healthcaremagic.com by this guy who had an unfortunate incident

And i quote...

"help. I just had a physical exam and i new from the begining that i was going to get an erection but tried my best to fight it and failed. (and this is all while the nurse is prepping me before the doctor came in). When the doctor came in and checked my penis and testicles i went to full mass. I was so embarrassed but then when i had the prostate exam i ejaculated all over the counter i was bending over. Needless to say i can never show my face in there again. Has this ever happened to anyone? Soon as i felt that "feeling" that i was close, i tried my best to think of just about anything that would prevent me from exploding but when i clamped down on my sphincter, it made things worse and i shot my load off. I was so embarrassed that i could barely breath. -and i clamped down while his fingers were in me, which resulted in a very forceful pressure against my prostate and you can figure out what happened then"

He doesn't exactly say what the doctor/nurse did or said after it happened but my god, can you just imagine the humiliation........ and the hilarity

?

I read this 20 minutes ago and im still laughing.

Seriously though, what do doctors/nurses do to try and prevent this happening, im genuinely intrigued!

Any nurses/doctors out there who have an answer to this?

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 9:30pm

The suck them off.

22-10-2010 9:30pm

Quandary wrote: »

Well AH,

Like the title says, what do nurses/doctors do when patients get a boner during bathing/examinations etc...?

That is indeed a quandary.

kfallon · 22-10-2010 9:31pm

Get the spoon out and tap them like a hard boiled egg

Jesus Wept · 22-10-2010 9:31pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

The suck them off.

If the internet has taught me anything, it is this.
They often call a second nurse in to help.

veryangryman · 22-10-2010 9:32pm

They just act natural and later tell their partner all about it later in the "how was work hun" conversation

Dr. No · 22-10-2010 9:34pm

Thankfully I have never come across a patient with a boner.

Jaxxy · 22-10-2010 9:36pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

The suck them off.

I have a few nurse friends and you'd be surprised at how many people actually think it is part of their duties to "relieve" a patient when they get a hard on. :pac:

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 9:37pm

Dr. No wrote: »

Thankfully I have never come across a patient with a boner.

In the business, he's known as Dr.No Boners.

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 9:37pm

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

I have a few nurse friends and you'd be surprised at how many people actually think it is part of their duties to "relieve" a patient when they get a hard on. :pac:

You mean, it's not?

alwaysadub · 22-10-2010 9:38pm

Dr. No wrote: »

Thankfully I have never come across a patient with a boner.

But have they come across,or in front of, you?

Jaxxy · 22-10-2010 9:38pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

You mean, it's not?

No.

Don't throw yourself down those stairs starbelgrade, it's just not worth it now.

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 9:40pm

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

No.

Don't throw yourself down those stairs starbelgrade, it's just not worth it now.

*crawls back upstairs, leg in hand*

Duggy747 · 22-10-2010 9:40pm

Well if pornos have taught me anything about life (and they have) is that the nurse would probably look shocked before horsing it down her throat while furiously masturbating.

Then, presumably, she'd break out the enema kit and 4 gallons of milk.

battries not included · 22-10-2010 9:41pm

i broke both my arms on purpose to see if the nurse would 'help me out' when i got a stiffy..........

i found out alright, a filipino male nurse 'helped me out'

Jaxxy · 22-10-2010 9:41pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

*crawls back upstairs to the missus, third leg in hand*

FYP.

pebbles21 · 22-10-2010 9:44pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

The suck them off.

Only if your in the VHI

Earthhorse · 22-10-2010 9:44pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

The suck them off.

The-Rigger wrote: »

If the internet has taught me anything, it is this.
They often call a second nurse in to help.

And people have the nerve to criticise the HSE.

*shakes head*

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 9:47pm

pebbles21 wrote: »

Only if your in the VHI

Very Handy Indeed

Quandary · 22-10-2010 10:06pm

OP here - cheers for the jokes folks

So has this genuinely ever happened to anyone ye know? Doctor/Nurse or patient?

galwayrush · 22-10-2010 10:11pm

kfallon wrote: »

Get the spoon out and tap them like a hard boiled egg

That is true........cough........:o

audi4444 · 22-10-2010 10:12pm

just think of brian cowen:D

Son Of A Vidic · 22-10-2010 10:16pm

Leave the fantasies where they belong - in your head OP.

Dr. No · 22-10-2010 10:16pm

Quandary wrote: »

OP here - cheers for the jokes folks

So has this genuinely ever happened to anyone ye know? Doctor/Nurse or patient?

Most of my female work colleagues have experienced it at some point. Nothing to get excited over really

starbelgrade · 22-10-2010 10:16pm

audi4444 wrote: »

just think of brian cowen:D

What if that was the cause of the boner?

Gummy Panda · 22-10-2010 10:17pm

They flick the guys balls to make him lose the erection. I saw it on the internets

Latchy · 22-10-2010 10:17pm

It was quite common in hospitals for the porters ( pre-op ) to be called upon to shave the male patients down there so unintended erections were usually in the minority .

SeaFields · 22-10-2010 10:19pm

Remember those stiffy's you'd get in school. Staring at a hot teachers arse all class. I bet she knew too. Ah the memories.

/wipes tear

michael999999 · 22-10-2010 10:20pm

they shave off a patch of hair and prod it with a stun gun!!!

erogonamalu · 22-10-2010 10:23pm

Dr. No wrote: »

Most of my female work colleagues have experienced it at some point. Nothing to get excited over really

sheet its gone unisex now darn

winston82 · 22-10-2010 10:26pm

SeaFields wrote: »

Remember those stiffy's you'd get in school. Staring at a hot teachers arse all class. I bet she knew too. Ah the memories.

/wipes tear

Oh, the mammaries...

/gets tissues

Marcus.Aurelius · 22-10-2010 10:26pm

I think it's quite unusual for a patient to get an erection in the middle of an exam, female nurse/doctor or male nurse/doctor. I can remember a colleague managed to make a female patient climax, I don't think he will ever be allowed to forget it.

Ever.

Rhyme · 22-10-2010 10:29pm

They insert a glass catheter and then shatter it... oh wait, that was Josef Mengele. My bad.

Millicent · 22-10-2010 10:32pm

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

I think it's quite unusual for a patient to get an erection in the middle of an exam, female nurse/doctor or male nurse/doctor. I can remember a colleague managed to make a female patient climax, I don't think he will ever be allowed to forget it.

Ever.

Was his name Elliot Reid by any chance? :pac:

Mimojo · 22-10-2010 10:34pm

You have gotta love the threads that are started on boards...ledge!

My friend used to work as a nurses aid in a nursing home, said it happened all the time, and there was nothing she could do except not get embarrassed!

Marcus.Aurelius · 22-10-2010 10:37pm

Millicent wrote: »

Was his name Elliot Reid by any chance? :pac:

The coincidence would have been pleasing, but no.

:pac:

hellyeah · 22-10-2010 10:39pm

Millicent wrote: »

Was his name Elliot Reid by any chance? :pac:

she could sort out my boner anytime.:rolleyes:

dubtom · 22-10-2010 10:42pm

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

I think it's quite unusual for a patient to get an erection in the middle of an exam, female nurse/doctor or male nurse/doctor. I can remember a colleague managed to make a female patient climax, I don't think he will ever be allowed to forget it.

Ever.

Really not enough info there Caesar.

I had an exam once from a very cute surgeon,late 20's probably, right below my ball sac, on the inside of my leg actually. She had planned to operate but things came to ahead and she decided to do the dirty there and then. She called in another Doctor,and a male and female nurse. The doctor and female nurse held me down,the male nurse held my balls and the surgeon did her thing. It was a gratifying experience for all of us when she's finished even though there was a bit of a mess. Unfortunately my manhood shrunk to a miniscule size as soon as she started but they didn't laugh.

Stephen · 22-10-2010 11:11pm

If I learned anything from There's Somthing About Mary, its that you don't go into these situations with a loaded gun

galwayrush · 22-10-2010 11:13pm

Stephen wrote: »

If I learned anything from There's Somthing About Mary, its that you don't go into these situations with a loaded gun

Tell that to the organ that controls the brain.....;)

johnmcdnl · 22-10-2010 11:28pm

starbelgrade wrote: »

The suck them off.

so that's why the woman wants to be a nurse so badly

Capt'n Midnight · 22-10-2010 11:56pm

Dr. No wrote: »

Thankfully I have never come across a patient

:pac:

Dr. No · 23-10-2010 12:03am

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

:pac:

You have me there:D

MagicMarker · 23-10-2010 12:10am

SeaFields wrote: »

Remember those stiffy's you'd get in school. Staring at a hot teachers arse all class. I bet she knew too. Ah the memories.

/wipes tear

The table is such a convenient height for such an occasion too....

Anyhoo, OP, sounds like he got his money's worth.

vibe666 · 23-10-2010 12:21am

my stepdad told me a story from when he was in his 20's and exactly that had happened to him when a pretty nurse had been examining him.

he wasn't quite sure what to do about it, but the matron had poked her head behind the curtain and seen his problem and came marching in with a cotton wool ball dipped in ether and just tapped the end of his lad with it and he said that it disappeared instantly.

not sure if they still do it or not, but it was apparently very effective at solving the problem.

rossie1977 · 23-10-2010 12:21am

Mimojo wrote: »

My friend used to work as a nurses aid in a nursing home, said it happened all the time, and there was nothing she could do except not get embarrassed!

happened all the time in a nursing home, wtf

Mimojo · 23-10-2010 12:25am

rossie1977 wrote: »

happened all the time in a nursing home, wtf

Seriously...lots of elderly men got "a little excited" to see a young girl coming to their assistance...Some of the stories she had were seriously funny!

gurramok · 23-10-2010 12:36am

I dunno, maybe its got to do with the lack of professionalism by the patient?

A friend of mine got examined years ago by a female specialist on testicular cancer and never once got an erection despite him saying she looked like Brooke Shields in a nurses uniform and no he didn't catch the ghey

vibe666 · 23-10-2010 12:55am

i guess it just depends what gets you going.

my sister works in nursing homes for people with mental disabilities and she has lots of stories about that kind of thing, but pretty much nothing fazes her at this stage and plenty of stuff she has to deal with would shock most people.

admiralofthefleet · 23-10-2010 12:59am

the girls from st michaels house used to bring in some of the people for lunch to the pub i work in. sometimes i used to see the girls slapping the lads on the lap and couldnt work out why til i actually asked one of them
its to kill the erection in their pricks

vibe666 · 23-10-2010 1:11am

now that really is spanking the monkey.

How do Nurses deal with patient's erections?

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