Ideas on how to tell someone you love them?

DeeAvery · 26-04-2014 12:45am #1

Basically to cut a long story short I'm ready to tell my boyfriend that I love him.

I was just going to say it when it was relevant to the conversion or we cuddling or something but then I was like hey! maybe I could do something special, quirky. This is the first time I've had the chance to do this! So excuse the enthusiasm.

Like those people who come out by cake I thought I could do that lol Make his favorite, chocolate with added chocolate and write it on top. lol

I'm beginning to get excited and impatient lol I better think of something quick otherwise I might end up blurting it out drunkenly in pup tomorrow night lol We met (in all senses of the word :P) in Panti's so I suppose its actually a valid option now that I think of it lol.

So any ideas?

Aard · 26-04-2014 1:27am

"Quirky"?

_Redzer_ · 26-04-2014 2:25am

I couldn't tell you because I told my ex I loved him over a game of dead arms after a fúck load of beer and whiskey.

Tbh I prefer it without the gimmicks. It's just my personal opinion, but I think it's a lot more meaningful when it comes naturally at the right time and when it's not forced, overly premeditated or needlessly showy.

You're telling him this for the first time and you're putting him on the spot and potentially making it a bit awkward.

In my opinion, for something like this, and for the first time, I think it'd be best to do it while cuddling, like you said, or any time that you two are close and you feel it's most mutual and relaxed between you.

Personally, I think you're making a bit of a song and dance about it which kind of trivialises it all to me, but that's just me, your boyfriend might appreciate that sort of thing.

Ten of Swords · 26-04-2014 7:45am

_Redzer_ wrote: »

In my opinion, for something like this, and for the first time, I think it'd be best to do it while cuddling, like you said, or any time that you two are close and you feel it's most mutual and relaxed between you.

Personally, I think you're making a bit of a song and dance about it which kind of trivialises it

I hope it goes well for you and is memorable but I have to say I agree with this 100%

Rachiee · 26-04-2014 7:54am

I really wouldn't make a big deal of it tbh. I think its nicer when its natural and you just blurt it out like something you were just thinking. Do whatever feels right for you and your relationship. I think while cuddling or having a good laugh or waking up next to eachother are nice times though.

Mr.Frame · 26-04-2014 12:11pm

Whatever ever feels right and natural for you, its different for everyone,
enjoy your moment together .
Its great to hear of someone falling in love ,isnt thast what everyone wants?
Have fun and be happy together

floggg · 26-04-2014 3:03pm

Trying to make it a big event could backfire.

For example, when my bf told me he loved me, i had to be honest with him and say while i was getting there, I wasn't there yet. Now, it was fine, he understood and there was no hurt feelings.

but if he had been planning a magical movie moment I'm sure he would have felt a bit worse after if he spoiled it.

or i would have felt a bit bad about it if i had felt pressured into saying yes by the "occasion"

DeeAvery · 26-04-2014 3:16pm

He's already said it to me. We were friends before we stared going out. Rather I was oblivious to him hitting on me. So he basically told me his feelings when he asked me out. He says it regularly now and I've been like when I get there I'll say it and I have gotten there, I just need to say it.

This is my first relationship and first everything so I'm quite new to all of this. I do understand what your saying about a big gesture might undermine it but I want to do something nice.

How about cooking dinner for him, would that be too much then? I still kind of like the cake idea for desert.

I cut the keys to my flat. A few weeks ago and panicked. I think though I'm more ready to give them to him now but I don't think doing that and saying I love you at the same time is a good idea. As in it would be too much. Is it?

AngusB · 08-05-2014 12:55pm

DeeAvery wrote: »

He's already said it to me. We were friends before we stared going out. Rather I was oblivious to him hitting on me. So he basically told me his feelings when he asked me out. He says it regularly now and I've been like when I get there I'll say it and I have gotten there, I just need to say it.

This is my first relationship and first everything so I'm quite new to all of this. I do understand what your saying about a big gesture might undermine it but I want to do something nice.

How about cooking dinner for him, would that be too much then? I still kind of like the cake idea for desert.

I cut the keys to my flat. A few weeks ago and panicked. I think though I'm more ready to give them to him now but I don't think doing that and saying I love you at the same time is a good idea. As in it would be too much. Is it?

One of the advantages of growing up outside Ireland is that we were taught, as part of schooling, how to deal with feelings, and emotions, and relationships. It seems to an outsider that the lack of teaching in Irish homes and schools about these topics leaves a lot of Irish people uncomfortable, if not actually unable, to negotiate a relationship.

What I would say might appear obvious, and it is that the sort of person with whom we are more likely to have a good, successful, satisfying and long them relationship with, is the sort of person who we can be ourselves with. Consequently, having to ask the advice of others how to “act” with a partner suggests you don’t feel comfortable enough in the relationship to just be yourself, Not yet, at any rate.

Emotions such as love are natural and beautiful, and if you do love your partner, then to delay, put off and agonise over telling them that you love them seems unusual, more particularly as your partner, in telling you frequently that he loves you, seems to not have an issue with it, himself.

Cait87 · 03-06-2014 11:11pm

AngusB wrote: »

One of the advantages of growing up outside Ireland is that we were taught, as part of schooling, how to deal with feelings, and emotions, and relationships. It seems to an outsider that the lack of teaching in Irish homes and schools about these topics leaves a lot of Irish people uncomfortable, if not actually unable, to negotiate a relationship.

What I would say might appear obvious, and it is that the sort of person with whom we are more likely to have a good, successful, satisfying and long them relationship with, is the sort of person who we can be ourselves with. Consequently, having to ask the advice of others how to “act” with a partner suggests you don’t feel comfortable enough in the relationship to just be yourself, Not yet, at any rate.

Emotions such as love are natural and beautiful, and if you do love your partner, then to delay, put off and agonise over telling them that you love them seems unusual, more particularly as your partner, in telling you frequently that he loves you, seems to not have an issue with it, himself.

These threads are cool even if there related to the gay Forum.

Yep Irish are not thought how to share their feelings by where it starts: Their families!

Cait87 · 03-06-2014 11:21pm

floggg wrote: »

Trying to make it a big event could backfire.

For example, when my bf told me he loved me, i had to be honest with him and say while i was getting there, I wasn't there yet. Now, it was fine, he understood and there was no hurt feelings.

but if he had been planning a magical movie moment I'm sure he would have felt a bit worse after if he spoiled it.

or i would have felt a bit bad about it if i had felt pressured into saying yes by the "occasion"

Thats right I've been on both ends. M old bf told me that he loved me and I froze in shock cas i was put on the spot, even if I did love him it was too much.

In a different situations also confessed love only to be rejected or be manipulated to be used for sex. live and learn.

Rick_ · 04-06-2014 4:20pm

It's a strange one. Personally, I don't think it's that big a deal to say it, really, and not something that requires so much emphasis and circumstance when you do. Everyone is different though, and if the relationship you have with your partner has being quirky and fun as a part of it, I can see why you'd want to do it that way. I myself would say that my current relationship is a quirky one as we have an alternative sense of humour and we bounce off each other quite well, but when we said "I love you" to each other it was not done in a quirky way at all, and it seemed to mean something more to us by doing it serious. Now we've said it, we say it all the time, sometimes randomly during conversation, usually when we are kissing and every night we end our phone calls (we live about 40 miles apart) with it. Whatever works for you, you'll know best, but I'm sure either way, quirky or not, will work out the best for you, or may already have as this thread is well over a month old now I've just discovered!

J_E · 04-06-2014 6:57pm

"Ideas on how to tell someone you love them?"

... "I love you."

Don't overthink it! Just say it when you're cuddled up and it feels right.

FiachDubh · 05-06-2014 8:58pm

Right, I'll be called a prick now for this but I'll say it anyway:

This thread does not belong in this forum. It should go in the relationships one.
A man telling his bf he loves him for the first time is absolutely no different to someone in a heterosexual relationship telling their partner that they love them for the first time.
If this were put in the Relationships forum, it would be read by people who would not frequent this forum, and some of those people may hold the view that gay men are sex mad and can't have normal relationships. Your thread, where your deep emotional attachment to your partner is obvious, could thus do some good.
Insulation and isolation are bad for minorities.

I like the idea of telling him just when its right, and not making a big pretext where you're bound to become more and more nervous as time goes on. Good luck anyway

Lou.m · 05-06-2014 9:23pm

It's your moment. Do it the way you want :-)

Annasopra · 07-06-2014 9:25am

OP do you want it moved to the relationships forum?

Dark Artist · 09-06-2014 5:55pm

From my own personal life experience, I've gotten to a point where I believe that saying 'I love you' and turning it into some big moment in your relationship is quite a naive concept.

Defining love is difficult. It's not a black and white thing. Nine times out of ten the certainty of the love within yourself is questionable. What exactly is it that you're trying to say when you find the right moment and vomit out the magic words 'I love you'?

With my last boyfriend I went through the whole shabang - built up to the moment, said 'I love you', felt euphoric and thought he was the love of my life. When this initial infatuation dwindled we both realized that we had nothing in common. Towards the end we would say 'I love you' all the time as if just saying the words would keep us together. Yes we loved each other - but not in the divine, forever-and-always way that's implied in movies and novels. That type of love just does not exist as far as I'm concerned.

I believe in strong affection and deep connections. I've been seeing someone for a few months now - and while it would be nice to be able to say 'I love you' - I'm more wary of the cultural implications of saying it. I don't want him thinking that I desire him to belong to me just because I pinned the word 'love' on him - as if I'm taking him for granted. It's the opposite - I would mean it only from the standpoint of being grateful to have developed such a deep and unique connection with him, however long it might last.

I know this mightn't necessarily answer any of your questions OP, but I hope that offering a different perspective might help you see that things don't always need to be so monumental and profound, if that makes sense.

Ideas on how to tell someone you love them?

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