"Men are incapable of parenting!"

kelle · 03-11-2011 7:35am #1

OK, lots of you will see this title and click on it angrily! Before I get lynched, let me emphasise - this is NOT my opinion but appears to be society's in general!

I am going away for a few days, and I've lost count of the amount of people who have asked me (of every age group) who's going to mind the children while I am gone! I just inform them my children will be brought to and attend school as normal followed by afterschool, then will be collected by their loving father (my loving husband) who will (shock horror :eek: ) "mind" them!

In fact, I believe my husband is better than me at parenting!

My husband goes to Cheltenham for 2-3 days most years and not once does he get asked about childminding arrangements!

Yet we both work and have to accommodate each other when it comes to the children!

OK i know this is probably more suited to Ranting and Raving forum, but does anybody else here get grossly irritated by this insinuation?

MrStuffins · 03-11-2011 7:41am

Well, I think it's one of those things that is a natural thought implanted in our heads but with no substance.

Let me explain: One night whilst having a drunken sh*te talking session with my father about Don't Ask Don't Tell in the US military, he said that if my brother or I were to have to have come to him and told him we were gay he wouldn't have minded, but he would've been slightly disappointed.

Now, when I asked him why...... he couldn't tell me. He had no rational reason why the fact that his son fancied guys instead of girls would've disappointed him. He had a reaction with absolutely no thought behind it.

And that is what I think this is. People automatically think "Oh, it's the mother who is the better parent" but if you ask them why, they couldn't tell you (or they'd tell you some ballocks they thought they read somewhere about "natural bonds" or whatever, not considering that every single parent/child situation is unique).

Rachiee · 03-11-2011 7:43am

:eek::eek::eek:

wow people are so weird the idea of people even asking a married woman who will mind the kids when shes away absolutely beggars belief, i do think society in general has this problem all you have to do is look at the lack of fathers rights in the judicial system to see its not only a belief held by people in general but evidently from the goddam state ridiculous!!

I'd be n a rant too its so silly!

meoklmrk91 · 03-11-2011 7:48am

Probably because there are still plenty of old school dads out there, while I know many a wonderful father who are just as loving and capable as mothers, I also still know quite a few who want nothing to do with the child until they are out of nappies and even then it is supervised by mammy.

I remember when I was around 11 or 12 a neighbour used to get me to watch her baby son whilst she went to bingo, it was quite awkward because I would be there and the husband would be watching TV or chatting to his friends:eek:

kelle · 03-11-2011 7:55am

Mr Stuffins, maybe I should ask these people why but I'm just too polite

Rachiee, I was asked 4 times yesterday! One of those is a widowed lady that is dating a man who had to fight for custody (and won) of his children many years ago as his ex-wife was an alcoholic with a string of other problems. So she should know better! Another also asked who was going to cook for them!

Meoklmrk91, my aunt's husband was the same when his children were growing up - she never had a day away from them until her eldest was 13! A scenario like yours would have been the norm in their house. But he is a brilliant grandfather, I see him interacting with his grandchildren in a way he never did with his own children.

DULLAHAN2 · 03-11-2011 8:38am

Hi, i think it has got to do with what many people experience when they were growing up. There is a girl who i work with and only recently has started to let her 3 year old to be looked after by his father when she is not there. When she has to go away she leaves her 2 year old with her mother as she thinks he cant mind her. I questioned her about this before and we came to the conclusion that when she was growing up her father didnt spend much time looking after her brothers and sister's.

She thinks my wife is great for letting me mind my child from day one on my own and cant grasp the fact i have no problem with it. when i was growing up my fahter looked after us an awful lot due to the fact he hurt himself in work and coulndt work. so i dont see it as a problem to look after kids.

cynder · 03-11-2011 10:38am

I get that reaction when I do grocery shopping, whose minding the kids? Their dad, my husband.... Doh!!!!

kelle · 03-11-2011 10:56am

Dullahan, your sig is so relevant to your post, I bet this woman believes she doesn't have much of a life because she "can't" leave her toddler with her husband!

Grindelwald, I get that too when I dare to venture out without my children. I only started this thread because I've been bombarded the last few days!

Morag · 03-11-2011 11:01am

Does my head in too, where are 'your' kids, like I am not allowed out or away with out them. I usually reply with their 'other' parent, cos you know they have two of them.

Also father's don't babysit their own kids.

stargazer 68 · 03-11-2011 11:03am

Sharrow wrote: »

Also father's don't babysit their own kids.

Yet I have heard fathers say it many times - didn't go out the weekend because I had to babysit!

Cat Melodeon · 03-11-2011 12:34pm

It's not even a generational thing. I have a cousin the same age as me who has 4 kids under 6. If I ever meet him out at family occasions or down the shops and I don't have my son with me, he treats me like I'm a freak for leaving my husband in charge of our child. It nearly blew his mind when I went abroad for 3 days for work earlier this year and my husband looked after our boy alone. I don't know how his wife puts up with it - she works longer hours than him AND does all the childcare.

My own husband is my partner in all things, parenting included. I never think 'oh he's great' for changing a nappy or wiping a nose. It's his job as much as mine. I definitely do more of the childcare 'work' (washing clothes, doctor visits etc) but that's because I'm not working very much at the moment so it makes sense. If I were back full time, it would be more equally divided. The 'non-work' childcare stuff (reading stories, playtime, bathtime, bedtime etc) is done either together or in turns. We're a team and are equals in what we can offer our child.

What's the point in having a partner in parenting if they are not capable of parenting or you're not capable of allowing them to parent? You'd be better off on your own.

k4kate · 03-11-2011 12:47pm

I agree totally with OP. I have two close neighbours who are single parents. One is a widower, a lovely man in his 30's with 3 children. The other is a separated woman in her 20's with 3 children. Time and time again I have heard people say how wonderful he is that he looks after the children so well, brings them shopping,to extra curricular activities etc She also does all of these and nobody ever says how wonderful she is. They both deserve the same credit I feel for doing a really difficult job alone

Zulu · 03-11-2011 12:53pm

Just replay with a really shocked "Oh,... ....eh.... ....god, i don't know. I never thought of that!." Shrug. Walk off/change the subject.

implausible · 03-11-2011 1:42pm

The use of the term 'babysitting' for taking care of your own children bugs the crap out of me! My other half is still getting a slagging down the pub over me correcting one of his friends who asked if he was babysitting one night. My reply that no, he was 'being a parent' is still being thrown back at him!

I don't care, I made my point!

kelle · 03-11-2011 4:37pm

at Zulu, that's just brilliant - I'm very tempted!

?Cee?view · 03-11-2011 4:44pm

As a father, it drives me crazy the amount of places that only have baby changing facilities in the ladies. As if I'm too stupid or lazy to change a nappy!

Orion · 03-11-2011 10:35pm

When my kids were about 2 I parked in a parent and child spot in Liffey Valley (outside Mamas and Papas) and got grief from a woman walking by that it was for mothers. I ignored her while lifting my twins out of the car in to the double pram that she was standing beside moaning at me. Moron.

wolfpawnat · 03-11-2011 10:50pm

Dovies wrote: »

Yet I have heard fathers say it many times - didn't go out the weekend because I had to babysit!

My partner says he is minding our child, he would go insane if it was called "babysitting".

I get funny looks when I leave our child with him. People find it weird as we are not married

not sure what that has to do with it, what does a ring have to do with parenting ability???

kelle · 03-11-2011 10:54pm

Orion wrote: »

When my kids were about 2 I parked in a parent and child spot in Liffey Valley (outside Mamas and Papas) and got grief from a woman walking by that it was for mothers. I ignored her while lifting my twins out of the car in to the double pram that she was standing beside moaning at me. Moron.

OMG that takes the biscuit - any signs I've seen say "Parent and Toddler". You did the right thing - fair dues to you!

Bride2012 · 04-11-2011 12:27am

This happens all the time with a friend of mine. She has to head away on one overnight for work about once a month and she said that the mention of it gets 'oh really, are you bringing the little fella?' to which she replies 'no I'm working, can't bring my three year old' and then 'it's but who will look after him?' She's married and they share the chilcare all the time but the thought of her leaving for a night is baffling to people. It's crazy! Nobody asks him if he is away for anything.

The babysitting thing is very insulting and annoying too!

john t · 04-11-2011 12:43am

men are well capable of minding rearing their kids,

Orion · 04-11-2011 12:48am

kelle wrote: »

OMG that takes the biscuit - any signs I've seen say "Parent and Toddler". You did the right thing - fair dues to you!

To be honest I was after driving around the car park with no luck (it was getting close to xmas) and came across this spot. Nearly drove by it then remembered woohoo I'm a parent and I've two toddlers with me

I felt no shame taking it - imo these spots are for children's safety not the parent's convenience. Steering a pram around a busy car park is not for the faint-hearted. It's not by accident these spots are near the paths.

James Jones · 04-11-2011 3:25am

Article in the Irish Times where a fathers quite rightly states that

Apart from breastfeeding, there is no reason why a mother should be more equipped or is a better parent than a father.

churchview wrote: »

As a father, it drives me crazy the amount of places that only have baby changing facilities in the ladies. As if I'm too stupid or lazy to change a nappy!

Next time it happens, make a complaint to the Equality Tribunal and make yourself a few €'s for the inconvenience. I didn't do it myself cause my kids were out of nappies by the time I became aware of the Equal Status Acts.
NB: Notification must be sent within two months of incident.

TheMilkyPirate · 04-11-2011 3:43am

It's completely the other way around in our house, I'm the dad and i've practically raised our son on my own. No disrespect to my fiancee shes great with him but from when he was 4 months up until 16 months she was doing a course so was never here and me doing everything has just stuck.

I don't mind i love it, I put him to bed every single night and get up with him every single morning, Prepare most of his food and wash and dress him every day.

Men are incapable of parenting my arse.

kelle · 04-11-2011 10:38am

churchview wrote: »

As a father, it drives me crazy the amount of places that only have baby changing facilities in the ladies. As if I'm too stupid or lazy to change a nappy!

I'd be tempted to change baby in the place (ie restaurant or shop floor) which has this antiqauated system , just to make a point!

Orion wrote: »

I felt no shame taking it - imo these spots are for children's safety not the parent's convenience. .

Absolutely - and why should you feel any guilt!

kelle · 04-11-2011 2:19pm

I've just been to town and got asked it again twice, one even said it would do him no harm to mind them "for a change"!! I did set the record straight there.

It's getting downright irritating, I'd love to be cheeky enough to use Zulu's line!

And I note Klingon Hamlet has thanked a few posts here, I'm sorry if this thread has hit a raw nerve.

Sleepy · 04-11-2011 2:55pm

Unfortunately, most people are stupid:

"Reality" TV gets higher ratings than well produced dramas / sci-fi / documentaries
Music charts are full of auto-tuned nobodies singing bland, pointless music
Trashy tabloids outsell quality broadsheets
Morons like Katie Price, Peter André and the "stars" of reality shows such as 'The only way is Essex' (a title that's grammatically incorrect in itself) make headline news
We elect self-serving, corrupt and incompetent politicians and then express outrage at the obvious outcome of this
The majority of Irish people express a preference for Republican ideals (if not the actions of the Republican movement itself), cite the tired "800 years" crap and then buy a Manchester United jersey and visit "their" team's home stadium a couple of times a year whilst their local football club struggles to stay afloat.
Education and the arts are typically dismissed as "arty farty" by a significant proportion of the population
In the 2006 census, almost 87% of Irish people classed themselves as Catholic yet the majority of these "Catholics" disagree with elements of the religion, couldn't correctly tell you who was born as a result of the "immaculate conception", doesn't believe in transubstantiation and would take offence if you pointed out that their personal beliefs are closer to those of the protestant religions than the Catholic.

When society at large is so stupid about all of those things, how can we possibly expect them to have an intelligent thing to say about parenting?

stovelid · 04-11-2011 3:13pm

In fairness, some men appear quite happy to perpetuate the myth to get out of minding their own kids.

number10a · 04-11-2011 3:24pm

Sleepy wrote: »

Unfortunately, most people are stupid:
"Reality" TV gets higher ratings than well produced dramas / sci-fi / documentaries

Music charts are full of auto-tuned nobodies singing bland, pointless music

Trashy tabloids outsell quality broadsheets

Morons like Katie Price, Peter André and the "stars" of reality shows such as 'The only way is Essex' (a title that's grammatically incorrect in itself) make headline news

We elect self-serving, corrupt and incompetent politicians and then express outrage at the obvious outcome of this

The majority of Irish people express a preference for Republican ideals (if not the actions of the Republican movement itself), cite the tired "800 years" crap and then buy a Manchester United jersey and visit "their" team's home stadium a couple of times a year whilst their local football club struggles to stay afloat.

Education and the arts are typically dismissed as "arty farty" by a significant proportion of the population

In the 2006 census, almost 87% of Irish people classed themselves as Catholic yet the majority of these "Catholics" disagree with elements of the religion, couldn't correctly tell you who was born as a result of the "immaculate conception", doesn't believe in transubstantiation and would take offence if you pointed out that their personal beliefs are closer to those of the protestant religions than the Catholic.

When society at large is so stupid about all of those things, how can we possibly expect them to have an intelligent thing to say about parenting?

You, my friend, have just composed for yourself a stock, copy and paste reply to most threads on Boards. Never before have I seen a post that can be so widely used again and again (apart from all the "your ma" posts in AH, which don't count). Congratulations.

Your fingers can have a well earned rest.

Toto Wolfcastle · 04-11-2011 4:25pm

Dovies wrote: »

Yet I have heard fathers say it many times - didn't go out the weekend because I had to babysit!

I've heard an awful lot of women saying that their partners are babysitting too. Eh, no. Regardless of who says it, whoever is with the kids at home is simply staying at home for the night. No babysitting involved.

Grimebox · 04-11-2011 4:49pm

I can't imagine how my father would react to that statement. He raised me and my 3 older siblings all on his own.

What exactly happens to these children, if men are incapable? Do they grow up to be bank robbers and murderers? Such ****ing bull**** if I ever heard it.

"Men are incapable of parenting!"

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