No offence to anyone from Cavan...

There were these two cousins, one from Cavan (he's a bit thick) and the other from Monaghan (he isn't). And the two inherit the family farm. It's not a bad farm, but unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in dire financial straits. In order to keep the bank (hiss hiss spit spit) from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The Monaghan cousin balances their chequebook, then takes their last 600 quid out to another farm, way down in the Midlands, where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, he tells his cousin "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The Monaghan fella arrives at the man's farm, inspects the bull, and decides he wants to buy it there and then. The bull's owner says he can sell it for £599, nothing more but nothing less. After paying him, the Monaghan guy drives to the nearest town to send his cousin a telegram to tell him the news.

He walks into the post office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my cousin telling him that I've bought a great bull for our farm. I need him to hitch the farmyard trailer up to our van and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator in the post office explains that he'll be glad to help, then adds, "No problem, it's just 11 shillings a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the Monaghan man only has £1 left.

What can he do? He realises that he'll only be able to send his cousin one bloody word. After thinking for a minute or two, he nods, and says, "I want you to send him just one word - the word 'comfortable'." The man behind the counter shakes his head. "How the hell is he ever going to know that you want him to hitch the trailer to the back of your van and drive out all the way to here in the Midlands to haul that bull back to your farm if you send him the word 'comfortable'?" The Monaghan man explains: "My cousin's from Cavan. He'll read it dead slow."

* If you have to think about it, you're probably from Cavan...