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Your most embarrassing sex story

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  • 08-10-2013 8:34pm
    #1
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭


    What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

    I heard a story from a friend (so take it with a massive dose of salt) But basically this lad who is now in oz pulled, to put it eloquently, a junkie, in a bar then later, during sex she suggested to insert a knotted rope into his back passage as it would "make the orgasm f***ing fantastic" in her words.

    Anyways as he was about to finish the job she pulled the rope out and he shat everywhere, grabbed his clothes and paniced and started apologising only to see the junkie woman rolling around in his defecate. He promptly exited the premises and returned home before (for some unbeknownst to me reason he told the rest of the lads he lived with this story)

    Personally my embarrassing experience would be I think when I was 15 an older girl wanted to have sex with me I think I unraveled a condom before trying to put it on. Needless to say I didn't lose my virginity that day.


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    #2
    Super-Rush
    Registered Users Posts: 19,473 ✭✭✭✭Super-Rush


    A friend eh?


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    #3
    brevity
    Registered Users Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭brevity


    "From a friend"

    Uh huh.


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    #4
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    Yours is fairly sh1te compared to your friends :p


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    #5
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.


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    #6
    Bobeagleburger
    Registered Users Posts: 45,274 ✭✭✭✭Bobeagleburger


    That's an urban legend story OP


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    #7
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    I wish my story was as exciting as yer man. He's not a friend he's just from my town. My friend lived with the fella in oz there recently. My story would have been embarrassing had I not prefixed it with the shít rolling story. :p


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    #8
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    Charlie Rock wrote: »
    I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.
    rarnes1 wrote: »
    That's an urban legend story OP

    Look I said to take it with a dose of salt because it was relayed to me from a different continent :P Just tell me your stories


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    #9
    Doom
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,381 ✭✭✭Doom


    Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!


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    #10
    Rothmans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,805 ✭✭✭Rothmans


    princess-lala wrote: »
    Yours is fairly sh1te compared to your friends :p

    Yes, his ''friend''.


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    #11
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    Doom wrote: »
    Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

    Gowann. Elaborate :pac:


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    #12
    Doc Ruby
    Registered Users Posts: 3,956 ✭✭✭Doc Ruby


    This one time I only made a woman orgasm three times in a night, her friend laughed her head off. She would though, she was on number five. I'll tell you lads I had to pack my bags and leave town without even my customary breakfast roll before word got around.


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    #13
    MadsL
    Registered Users Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    Doom wrote: »
    Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

    Yep, I thought she was the one supposed to bleed.

    F*ck that **** spurts.


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    #14
    huey1975
    Registered Users Posts: 493 ✭✭huey1975


    Doom wrote: »
    Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

    Dave is that you?


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    #15
    Jarrod
    Registered Users Posts: 500 ✭✭✭Jarrod


    Timmyctc wrote: »
    What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

    I heard a story from a friend (so take it with a massive dose of salt) But basically this lad who is now in oz pulled, to put it eloquently, a junkie, in a bar then later, during sex she suggested to insert a knotted rope into his back passage as it would "make the orgasm f***ing fantastic" in her words.

    Anyways as he was about to finish the job she pulled the rope out and he shat everywhere, grabbed his clothes and paniced and started apologising only to see the junkie woman rolling around in his defecate. He promptly exited the premises and returned home before (for some unbeknownst to me reason he told the rest of the lads he lived with this story)

    Personally my embarrassing experience would be I think when I was 15 an older girl wanted to have sex with me I think I unraveled a condom before trying to put it on. Needless to say I didn't lose my virginity that day.

    That happened a friend of mine too.

    Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.


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    #16
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    Jarrod wrote: »
    That happened a friend of mine too.

    Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

    Did he have sex with the snake then or what?


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    #17
    zenno
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,377 ✭✭✭zenno


    What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

    I met this girl one night and we hit it off, so we ended up back in my place for a few drinks, then things got sexually encouraging. She was getting it going all sexy and stuff, but i was a bit drunk at this stage and was trying to maintain an erection, but i got myself together eventually and as we were starting to get stuck in, she puked all over my mains power socket and all over the pillows.

    She said she drank too much vodka and at this time she said she had to go home as she wasn't feeling too good, well that was my night ruined :mad:


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    #18
    Bobeagleburger
    Registered Users Posts: 45,274 ✭✭✭✭Bobeagleburger


    Timmyctc wrote: »
    Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

    He gave it a rattle


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    #19
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,920 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    I got drunk one night in coppers and ended up in some nurses gaf. Rode her and blacked out. Next morning I woke up I'm a caravan. I said "you never told me you were a traveller"

    She replied "I told you I was a sister of the Wards"


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    #20
    Jarrod
    Registered Users Posts: 500 ✭✭✭Jarrod


    Timmyctc wrote: »
    Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

    The story's an urban legend. Both are. I relayed my one because the same guy told me both in college, I believed the snake one, until I heard it from several other sources too. The guy was a bit of a Jay from the Inbetweeners.


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    #21
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Jarrod wrote: »
    That happened a friend of mine too.

    Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.
    Timmyctc wrote: »
    Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

    Was it one of them giant condom snakes...


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    #22
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Here you go OP, you will find a few stories in here.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056933273


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    #23
    OneArt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,910 ✭✭✭OneArt


    Knew a very quiet girl in school. Never had a boyfriend in her six years there. Naturally, we assumed she was into mongeese. The trouble with mongeese is that they're pretty small, one f*ck and they're gone. So she'd have to buy multiple mongeese. We used to joke about it so much that some people started believing she was really into mongeese.


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    #24
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    Jarrod wrote: »
    The story's an urban legend. Both are. I relayed my one because the same guy told me both in college, I believed the snake one, until I heard it from several other sources too. The guy was a bit of a Jay from the Inbetweeners.

    I was joking. It was a joke. Please don't hurt me again.


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    #25
    mattjack
    Registered Users Posts: 5,389 ✭✭✭mattjack


    OneArt wrote: »
    Knew a very quiet girl in school. Never had a boyfriend in her six years there. Naturally, we assumed she was into mongeese. The trouble with mongeese is that they're pretty small, one f*ck and they're gone. So she'd have to buy multiple mongeese. We used to joke about it so much that some people started believing she was really into mongeese.

    Is there an interpreter available tonight ?


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    #26
    Jarrod
    Registered Users Posts: 500 ✭✭✭Jarrod


    Timmyctc wrote: »
    I was joking. It was a joke. Please don't hurt me again.

    Oh sh1t, apologies. I wasn't sure and I knew if you were joking then I'd look like an ass. I'm really not a total d1ck.


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    #27
    kryogen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,953 ✭✭✭✭kryogen


    Jarrod wrote: »
    That happened a friend of mine too.

    Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

    So your friend is the woman who got the snake that was going to eat her!?

    Jesus I have been hearing about her and her snake for going on 20 years at this stage, glad she made it ok.


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    #28
    MadsL
    Registered Users Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    mattjack wrote: »
    Is there an interpreter available tonight ?

    Obviously not a literal mongoose. Sheesh, some people.


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    #29
    BillyMitchel
    Registered Users Posts: 3,324 ✭✭✭BillyMitchel


    Banjo string tear. It was that sore I'm feel sick now even thinking about it. The healing process was just as bad.


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    #30
    irish bloke
    Registered Users Posts: 2,057 ✭✭✭irish bloke


    One time while having a threesome with 2 smoking blonds, their girlfriend called to the flat, saw us at it and asked to join. Was only able to go another half hour with all 3. Worst day ever, So embarrassing.....


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    #31
    Fox_In_Socks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,616 ✭✭✭Fox_In_Socks


    They said sex...!:o


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