Need advice

baalad

Hey. Iam looking for advice.

Me and my parter have a child together. This child has just turned 2 years old. My partner also has two other children from a previous relationship. They are 11 and 12.

Unfortunately we are having huge difficulties with the 11 year old. She is mentally unwell imo. We have done as much as we can so far. We had her assessed and the only problem that was identified was dyslexia. She also sees a therapist weekly but it's doing no good. If anything she's getting worse. Without going into too much detail she's just the most horrible toxic person you could ever meet. She fights with us daily over everything and anything and nothing we do works to de escalate her. She fears no one.

The house has become so toxic that iam worried about my 2yr old daughters development. She's already showing behavioural issues and i feel she needs to be away from the house as it's not healthy for her. Iam willing to leave too but i have no issues with her mom so i do not want to take her away from her mom as naturally it would devastate her. Obviously iam also aware that it's not that simple and she likely wouldn't just be allowed to leave with me anyway. Likewise iam scared to leave and leave her behind knowing she's growing up in such a toxic environment.

I have no idea who to contact for support or what to do. Ideally the 11yr old should be taken away and helped for whatever it is she is suffering from but sadly that's not likely. It's more likely she would remain and the baby be taken away.

No idea what to do or where i go from here

Loveinapril

It is very unlikely that Tusla would take either of them into care, from what you have written. It seems like you are forgetting that the 11 year old is a CHILD. If she is behaving in this way, it is because there is something awful happening inside her. She is also probably hitting puberty so is contending with hormonal changes. Is she going into secondary school soon? Another thing she may be worried about. She is a child and is struggling to regulate her emotions. She is learning. Has the GP referred to CAMHS? Look into finding a systemic family therapist or a child and adult psychotherapist. You all need support right now.

baalad

I think she was referred to cahms. To date she was assessed and diagnosed with dyslexia but we have asked that she be reassessed because it's evident that something is going on mentally.

She has already accused her grandfather of punching her and making her bleed (never happened) and she accused me of slapping her after i admittedly got very mad at her but never did i slap her. As a result however she told her therapist and they contacted Tusla and Tusla are now not allowing me to see her nor am i allowed see my own daughter unless it's supervised.

Her own mother explained she was lying and that i never physically harmed her but apparently because i yelled and threatened her, it's an act of aggression and now iam restricted from my own daughter who's 2years old.

This devolpment literally only came to our attention today. Both of us are at our witz end. It's essentially destroyed our relationship and our family. As of today we aren't even living together anymore.

No idea where or who we turn to from here.

Loveinapril

Wow, you are really going through so much. Well done for reaching out for support or advice. It is likely that she was assessed by am educational psychologist for the dyslexia diagnosis, their assessment likely focused solely on learning issues. Her behaviour is concerning for sure and would definitely warrant an appointment with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Keep the dialogue with Tusla open, they are simply doing their job. They will do an investigation and some supports may come of it for your partner's daughter. Do contact a family therapist though, you all need to have a space to talk about the experience and how it is impacting you all (I am thinking of your daughter and the girl's other sibling as well as you and your partner).

shesty

There is a difference between an educational psych and a behavioural pysch.The educational one will diagnose dyslexia and similar, the behavioural is who you go to for autism and other issues like adhd.Adhd can also be diagnosed by a psychiatrist, which is the route to go if medication is needed because only a psychiatrist can prescribe that medication.

There is definitely something going on with her be it related to her feelings around dyslexia, or something else.I would have thought the educational psycht would pick up on any signs of anything else, and advise you accordingly, mind you.

What sort of therapist is she seeing - play therapist, psychotherapist, psychologist...?

Keep all the lines of communication open with all the various bodies/experts, and document everything you can as you go along.It's a heartbreaking situation.

baalad

Appreciate the replies guys. We are happy to co operate with Tusla and are currently in the process of getting her assessed for adhd. There's no doubt that there's a lot of issues surrounding her biological dad no longer being involved but to what extent we don't know. Hopefully in the coming weeks she gets the help and support she needs. Unfortunately the house is s toxic place most days because of her behavior so for our families sake i pray she can improve and find happiness.

shesty

Hope you get to the bottom of it OP.Very tough situation, made harder by the difficulty accessing services in this country.

Kurooi

Is your partner of the same mind? Taking the 11yo away part