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12-06-2020, 08:24   #61
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Originally Posted by leffesem View Post
"Just" - possibly one of the most hateful/annoying words in the dictionary!
If doing or saying something is so easy that on a whim a person can say to themselves: I'll 'just' do that and presto jobs a good 'un my problem is solved then they're operating on a different level than the majority; but unfortunately it's not as easy or as simple as that in reality.

Why else are there shrinks/therapists etc making a killing and also forums catering to relationship/personal issues on this very site. If you're that confident/self assured yourself then all I can say is fair play.

Also, I don't know or care if you're Irish or not but fair play for making that sweeping generalisation (truthfully - no joking or sarcasm). It's a pity other stereotyping is considered some kind of ist/ism/phobic.

And a happy Friday to all of ye who are engaged in gainful
I am Irish but lived abroad for some years and shed a few habits. There is nothing wrong with being straight with people and asking upfront for what you need but many in this thread would prefer to get out of situation rather than ask. I don’t get it.
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12-06-2020, 08:30   #62
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I certainly wouldn't be asking for anything if I was the one driving. For a few years I used to get a lift home in the evening from a colleague, she'd go a bit out of her way, she wouldn't be the sort of person who would expect anything but I really appreciated it as using the cross city buses could mean arriving home an hour later.
Every so often I'd buy her a nice bottle of wine or some other little gift.
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12-06-2020, 08:31   #63
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Originally Posted by Basq View Post
But what I'm saying is monetary gain not going to fix any of the above..

.. to fix that, you need to stop picking the person up entirely.
But it makes it a lot easier to accept if you get some money for the inconvenience. Or even feel that the other person appreciates what you are doing rather than just feeling used.
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12-06-2020, 08:37   #64
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Originally Posted by Purple Mountain View Post
It sounds like you've built up resentment already so it won't end good.
Just alter your plans for a while and he'll stop expecting.
Leave earlier or later a few times. Go shopping after work etc.
Anyhow with CoVid now you have the ultimate excuse to get him off your back. Tell him you don't feel comfortable not abiding by the 2m rule.
These arrangements get messy, not just the financial aspect of it.
There's the insurance issue for starters.
There's also the feeling of being tied to his routine and not being able to do your own thing of you want to make plans.

Or instead of altering plans and changing your ways to not offend someone, you could simply say find your own way to work anymore you miserable,stingy, penny pinching leech and drive past at the same time every morning waving at them.
They’ve taken your kindness for weakness.
There will be another hard luck story soon and a want on them for a loan.
Rev up and fcuk off is the response you are looking for op
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12-06-2020, 08:42   #65
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You could suggest to him that you're going to start looking for other people to car pool.....ah feck it......start leaving earlier or as someone else pointed out start going a different route home......after a week or two he'll start finding another person to take advantage of....I knew someone like this before....he gave the impression he was doing me a favour by sitting in my car.
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12-06-2020, 08:47   #66
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I wouldn't have a problem asking at all. If they are offended or put out by it then they can buy their own mode of transport.
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12-06-2020, 08:47   #67
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Find a friend or relation that needs a lift for a week or 2. Then have them insist on paying for your petrol when you pull into the petrol station.
Have them say something like I insist you are saving me money and time , it's the least I can do for what your doing for me.

If they dont get that hint there is no hope so wean them off by having other plans
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12-06-2020, 08:48   #68
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Is he a friend, has he ever helped you in a work/ situation.
Is the craic/ banter good on the commute.
Is he early for his lift.
Is he someone you enjoy sitting down for a lunch or break with ?

If he helps shorten the journey and is a work buddy, then he surely will understand when you ask him outright for €10 or €20 a week.
If he's a scrounger then best to let him know your done being a fool.
Be straight up, ask for the cash starting the same week and let him decide if he wants a lift.
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12-06-2020, 08:49   #69
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12-06-2020, 08:50   #70
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It’s surprising how regular this topic comes up on boards. What’s not surprising is the resentment it builds up and the fact people are willing to take the piss when allowed do so unchecked. The world is full of this sponges who have a homing instinct for soft touches like the OP.
There are any number of ways to tackle this all mentioned several times by other posters.
Least confrontational would be to say you’re altering your routine (it’s absolutely none of their business). Going to the gym, calling on a sick relative, family reasons etc
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12-06-2020, 08:50   #71
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Originally Posted by Alf Veedersane View Post
The OP specifically said that its not inconvenient.
I put “inconvienience” in quotes for just that reason.. it’s not an inconvenience so why ask for money?

At the end the day, the OP is a big boy and can make up his own mind.. but personally if I wasn’t going out of my way to pick up said passenger and it wasn’t affecting my day-to-day (with regards home/work life) - I’d have no issue with giving a lift au gratis.

But that’s just me.. everyone is different!
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12-06-2020, 08:51   #72
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Originally Posted by the_pen_turner View Post
Find a friend or relation that needs a lift for a week or 2. Then have them insist on paying for your petrol when you pull into the petrol station.
Have them say something like I insist you are saving me money and time , it's the least I can do for what your doing for me.

If they dont get that hint there is no hope so wean them off by having other plans
Something tells me they’ll be very slow getting that particular hint!
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12-06-2020, 08:53   #73
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Originally Posted by Atlantic Dawn View Post
I'd never ask but after them saving €500 plus and me not getting anything not even say a case of beer for €25 (5% of their savings) I'd tell them I have now moved and commuting from Belize and will be unable to pick them up each morning.
Did he/she tell you that they have saved that amount or are you estimating what it has saved them? Have they got a car and simply not using it because they don’t have to?

Are you in a position to cycle to work some times? I personally would leave them stranded a few days every week. Use various excuses that car wouldn’t start, have to leave early or have to go opposite direction after work etc

Or simply tell them that your not happy that they haven’t even offered petrol money and that your ending the arrangement. Dont let it eat you up inside, be proactive and do what’s right for you first and foremost.

If you can’t/won’t tell them your not happy simply text them an hour or 30 minutes before work and say “I won’t be able to pick you up today” and leave it at that. If they ask why, ignore them, it’s none of their business. If they ask at work just say something came up and leave it at that. If they ask for a lift home say your not going that way today and again leave it at that. The next day just go to work and don’t collect them or tell them that your not giving them a lift. They’ll soon get the message and if they ask you about it, tell them you feel used as they have never once offered to chip in for petrol money and say nothing else. Let them explain their way out of it if they wish but don’t argue or back down. That’s your reason and they have to remedy it if they want a lift, let them come to that realisation, don’t offer a lift in exchange for petrol money.

Last edited by Cee-Jay-Cee; 12-06-2020 at 09:22.
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12-06-2020, 08:56   #74
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What age is the op and the person getting the life? A few petrol vouchers now and then is the way to go, not money and working it out exactly to the penny

The person taking the life might not be mean but instead, lacks the social skill and cop on to make sure they contribute something every now and then.
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12-06-2020, 08:57   #75
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Tell him you want x amount every week. You have extra fuel costs due to extra weight in the car. Running a car is expensive.
I gave people lifts before, and got fuel money off them. They saved far more than I ever benefitted. I also gave a couple of people lifts short term who had car trouble, and I wouldn't dream of taking money off them.
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