[nemo2012]

I lost a family member a year ago to Suicide at the Cliffs of Moher. He does not appear on suicide statistics as the verdict returned "Death by misadventure". We spent 6 days looking for him last year and thank God everyday that we recovered his body, due to the extraordinary work, support and expertise of Doolin Search and Rescue.

A year on, I google "Cliffs of Moher Suicide" and find very little on the topic. I am wondering are there any groups at work in Clare looking for more recognition of this site by Clare Co Council, more infrastructural support at the site for families who must spend time there looking for loved ones, more sinage and CCTV facilities in the area, I can understand that Clare Co Council do not wish to associate the site with suicide HOWEVER it is a fact that many distressed people choose this place and I think it is time to break the silence. Silence creates stigma.

For example, so many people came to join us at the cliffs of Moher last year, my poor mother spent the week sitting on a stone wall outside the visitors centre and played out her grief and shock in front of strangers and brash American tourists who were very insensitive at times when enquiring why so many people were upset.(I do not hold this against them) So I wonder how a small "Family Room" with a kettle and a radiator cannot be provided at the visitor centre, this would never promote the site for suicidal people but provide some facilities.

I just want to make clear that the Search and rescue did EVERYTHING in a compassionate and professional manner and I admire their work and thank God for their work every day, why is it left to them to provide a mobile trailer for a family to sit in? For those families that do not recover the bodies how difficult is it to have a working CCTV system (in the car parks and areas around the visitor centre) to allow them some definate conclusion (I understand the horrific implications with this, but trust me, any conclusion is miles better than no conclusion at all) people who came to help us paid to park their car, albeit after a couple of days we learned to tell the people at the cash desks in the car park our reasons for being there and they did allow people to park for free.

None of these improvements will ever bring anybody back but I am talking about making a very difficult and distressing time a little easier for the families involved.

[Akrasia]

I'm sorry for your loss

Those are all perfectly valid points, I am genuinely surprised that there isn't a policy in place at the cliffs to deal with the families of missing people who are searching for their loved ones.

I know someone who used to provide HR services for the Cliffs, I'll have a talk with her and see if she can pass a message on to the cliffs management to raise this as an issue. It's shocking that the staff or management at the cliffs didn't even offer your family a space where you could continue your search with more privacy and dignity.

[nemo2012]

Thanks a million, this has been playing on my mind and I am unsure of where to gain information on ongoing efforts to improve family services at the cliffs

[Lady Chatterton]

Nemo2012,

I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss.

A couple of years ago a relative of my husband's took her own life and it took three months for her body to recovered. I can understand exactly what you are saying in your post, I remember the pain and the anguish felt by my husband and his relatives, there really aren't words to describe how horrific it was. I have to say that work done by neighbours, friends, volunteers, the Gardaí and the Search and Rescue personnel was really outstanding at the time. At a time of crisis some people can be very kind and sensitive.

My understanding is that the Clare Branch of the Samaritans and the Cliffs of Moher (Clare Co. Co.) have been liasing together in recent times, they have installed more signage at the Cliffs of Moher, Liscannor and Doolin and there are wardens on duty at the Cliffs of Moher. They certainly seem to want to raise awareness and reach out to people who may be depressed or suicidal.

You have written very eloquently about your experience and it is clear that you passionately want to prevent other families going through what unfortunately you and your family have experienced. Can I ask, have you written or discussed your families experience with Clare Co. Co.?

Given the sensitive nature of the discussion, I've added some helpline information, I hope no one minds.


Samaritans Ennis

Sunville
Kilrush Road
Ennis
County Clare

Telephone
065 6829777

Usual hours open to receive callers at the door
10:00am - 10:00pm

Samaritans Limerick & Tipperary

20 Barrington Street
Limerick
Republic of Ireland
Telephone
061 412111
Usual hours open to receive callers at the door
9:00am - 10:00pm


Samaritans Galway

14 Nun's Island
Galway
Republic of Ireland
Ireland
Telephone
091 561222
Usual hours open to receive callers at the door
9:00am - 8:00pm


Samaritans Tralee

43-44 Moyderwell
Tralee
County Kerry
Telephone
066 71 22566

http://www.samaritans.org


Pieta Mid-West

Ardaulin, Mungret, Co. Limerick
Tel: (061) 484444 | (061) 484646
Email: mary@pieta.ie

Opening hours in Pieta Mid-West

9am-5pm Monday - Friday

http://www.pieta.ie/


http://www.aware.ie/
http://www.console.ie
http://www.nosp.ie/
http://www.shineonline.ie/

[nemo2012]

Thanks, that is very helpful. I havn't made any contact with them, but that is something I could do. We don't live near Clare at all, so I am completely unaware and separated from any developments taking place or pro-action, I had heard from some friends that the signage has improved since last year, I was pleased to hear that.

Yes it was such a horrific time and so many families have to go through that every year. You are right about friends, family and community... people are amazing.
Writing to Clare Co Council is a productive step and I will do that.

[buck65]

Sorry for your loss first off OP.

What kind of signage out of interest would you erect. Is it to change somebody's mind or to make others aware to be vigilant. Sorry if this seems anyway insensitive.

[Lady Chatterton]

Originally Posted by buck65

Sorry for your loss first off OP.

What kind of signage out of interest would you erect. Is it to change somebody's mind or to make others aware to be vigilant. Sorry if this seems anyway insensitive.

Buck65, it is ages since I have been up at the Cliffs of Moher but I would imagine is probably just contact information for the Samaritans, they do have wardens on duty too apparently.

[nemo2012]

Originally Posted by buck65

Sorry for your loss first off OP.

What kind of signage out of interest would you erect. Is it to change somebody's mind or to make others aware to be vigilant. Sorry if this seems anyway insensitive.

not insensitive at all, yes last year there were very small signs for the Samaritans(I did't even notice them at the time, a family friend told me about them after we had left the cliffs) and another family friend was down there last week and told us the signs are much more obvious now.

[CptSternn]

Spending money on the bereaved might sound like a good idea, but sure, wouldn't that money be better spent on stopping future occurrences from happening?

What does it say about a society that focuses more on what happens after a suicide instead of working to prevent it? If they could afford such a place as you described would you not agree the money and staff needed for it would be better allocated into more preventative services?

[nemo2012]

@Cptsternn

I understand that resources need to be placed in the most productive areas however, I feel that the provision of a simple room (within the visitor centre or a vacant shop unit - to the right of the visitor centre) will provide some privacy for people in terrible circumstances, no staffing necessary, we were able to look after ourselves and the searchers in terms of food and board and am not suggesting that this be provided (family members catered out on the picnic benches in front of the visitor centre). I just know from experience that a family room would be a welcome facility. I understand the importance of this as we did not have it, and would like to think that it could be considered. Staff at the centre could say "theres a room in there with a kettle, a couch and a door, come and go as you please while you wait for news". I agree with you that money should be placed in preventative services I just want to raise the idea that there are a few simple things that could be in place at the cliffs

[Lady Chatterton]

Originally Posted by CptSternn

What does it say about a society that focuses more on what happens after a suicide instead of working to prevent it?

To be honest, I think one is as important as the other.

When someone takes their own life, it has devastating consequences for their loved ones, sometimes it comes as as massive shock, sometimes there is no background of mental illness or the person has managed to hide their depression or despair from their loved ones.

I think it is vital that people who are bereaved by suicide are supported and offered counselling as there can be so many unanswered questions, sometimes the people who are left behind are crippled by feelings of guilt or anger (even though they may have tried their best to support their loved one).

I have known of families where siblings have committed suicide with a short period of time, leaving their parents completely distraught, mental illness can run in families like lots of other conditions so I definitely feel how we treat people bereaved by suicide is very important.

[redzerologhlen]

Originally Posted by MrsD007

To be honest, I think one is as important as the other.

When someone takes their own life, it has devastating consequences for their loved ones, sometimes it comes as as massive shock, sometimes there is no background of mental illness or the person has managed to hide their depression or despair from their loved ones.

I think it is vital that people who are bereaved by suicide are supported and offered counselling as there can be so many unanswered questions, sometimes the people who are left behind are crippled by feelings of guilt or anger (even though may have tried their best to support their loved one).

I have known of families where siblings have committed suicide with a short period of time, leaving their parents completely distraught, mental illness can run in families like lots of other conditions so I definitely feel how we treat people bereaved by suicide is very important.

Well said MrsD, I was thinking the same thing myself but hadnt gotten around to putting it into words.

[Akrasia]

Originally Posted by CptSternn

Spending money on the bereaved might sound like a good idea, but sure, wouldn't that money be better spent on stopping future occurrences from happening?

This is not an issue about money, it would not be expensive to have a private area for grieving families to meet and coordinate a search. There are meeting rooms and facilities at the cliffs which are used for corporate events which could be allocated. It's only a matter of empowering the staff to offer these facilities and training them to be sensitive and accommodating to the families who are going though such a difficult time.

What does it say about a society that focuses more on what happens after a suicide instead of working to prevent it? If they could afford such a place as you described would you not agree the money and staff needed for it would be better allocated into more preventative services?

The cliffs are not just at the visitor centre. They stretch for miles. It is impossible to patrol them to physically prevent someone from taking their own life. If someone has made the decision to take his or her own life and driven all the way to the cliffs of Moher with that purpose in mind, there is very little the management of the cliffs can do to influence their decision.

What they can and should be doing, is making sure that the families and those who are searching for their loved ones are facilitated as much as they possibly can.

[maryb26]

My sympathies to you and your family. The search for bodies is co-ordinated by the Doolin Coastguard (formerly coast and cliff rescue) and run from Doolin. Bodies are brought ashore at Doolin Pier. Their Headquarters in Doolin is a glorified shed at present and planing permission has been granted for a new building which i would assume will have facilities for relatives. Maybe that's why the people at the cliffs centre don't think they have a role to play. I know the pubs in Doolin are very good at looking after friends and relatives when searches are taking place.

[haybob]

Originally Posted by maryb26

My sympathies to you and your family. The search for bodies is co-ordinated by the Doolin Coastguard (formerly coast and cliff rescue) and run from Doolin. Bodies are brought ashore at Doolin Pier. Their Headquarters in Doolin is a glorified shed at present and planing permission has been granted for a new building which i would assume will have facilities for relatives. Maybe that's why the people at the cliffs centre don't think they have a role to play. I know the pubs in Doolin are very good at looking after friends and relatives when searches are taking place.

Yea those lads from the Doolin coast guard deserve a lot of credit in fairness to them and to call it a shed is being generous and hopefully funding will be forthcoming unfortunately suicide is all too common at the Cliffs and I have to agree with nemo a family room isn't too much to ask, I remember reading about a couple who provided private funding for a first aid room would this room be of any use ??