Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Mrs. Murphy was looking for the grave of her late husband (a notorious
criminal) as it had been a while since she was there. She went to the
cemetery's management office and said, "I am looking for my husband's
"OK, madam," said the director. "What was his name?"
"John Murphy," she answered.
He looked through his large book for quite a time and finally said,
"Sorry, there are no John Murphys in our cemetery, but there is one Mary
The woman brightened up and said, "Of course, that's it! Everything was
in my name."
An Irish priest was driving down to New York and got stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the
priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
car. He said, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," said the priest.
The trooper said, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it