Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

stupidusername wrote: »

I've to make such a big decision really soon.I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight. I don't know what to do.

actually the more i think about it, the more I'm thinking what's actually bothering me is what someone else is going to say/think when I ask for help. It's not a nice position to be in. But it shouldn't put me off making this decision. its probably better for me to go through with it, and this is the main thing putting me off.

Go for it. Good luck. Things are rarely as bad as you expect.

Delicate_Dlite wrote: »

And my therapist is suggesting we wind down.

As a therapist myself the big thing here would be to speak to them if your unhappy about. I not saying you are doing this but often people think we are mind readers, it's your therapy, your time for you every week. Sometimes thing can't be changed, but if you are ever not happy with something in your therapy, speak to your therapist about it. Anyway best of luck with it.

Now to do it again tommorrow

C_Dawg wrote: »

I know the feeling.

Today I went to the gym for the first time in over a week, I put it off for a while due to being anxious going there. I finally made it back today. Just need to be brave again tomorrow.

I got out of bed today, I'll go to the gym tommorrow. One step at a time!

I didn't make it to the gym today, but I did make it to the chemist to pick up my meds. Priorities! Then I had gotten wet from the rain and of course had to go back to bed, any excuse

oh by they way I'm familiar with inherited depression and that's probably very true in my case. Despite having learned a lot I've not and don't do anything about it. I know how to take the small steps and know what its like to fall and how much more difficult it becomes to get up and start again often years later.
I should have fine collection of gold medals for beating myself up. I understand that could / should = won't.
I come from poverty, have a challenging job (but feel it may not be me), a mortgage and a car. I can be courageous enough to ask a question (often knowing that I'm gonna be stumped by the answer) but always come away asking and understanding why I'm stumped.
To me a friend is someone who you can build up a interaction with either on 1 or many things. I understand the importance of keeping yourself active and having a routine. I understand that to a great many people going to 'mass' is a way of simply getting to visibly see others once a week.
I view the world as a place of great opportunity.
I know the importance of mediating 1st hand
I know mom's and dad's can have different parenting styles and the confusion that can cause
I'm a father who can only relate to his children by trying to speak their language but not knowing how to help them grow.
Do I allow myself take time out ? no
Do I look after myself ? no
I've high blood pressure brought on mainly though years of my sub conscious trying to make sense of my life when I'm asleep - well its probably screaming at me what I need really need to be doing.
I live alone in a city
I can be extremely cold to others
I can spot the small and big wonders of nature, give them a glancing thought and only remember them when I'm beating myself up.

If I'm really honest its both compounded by years of conditioning myself to be 'happy living in my little world of sh*t. So no exactly motivated to change even with a thumping heart, the fitness machines screaming High Heart Rate.

There's that word change. Is it possible ? sure. Do people do it all the time ? sure. Do they fail and get up and try again ? sure. When I think of change I begin wonder were to start. Extremely difficult when you become overwhelmed with the amount of things. I give after compiling a list and thinking is there a deeper mean to the items on the list, is there a more fundamental thing here that needs to be addressed - at this point I banish the idea. Couple that with the fact that it has to be a permanent change and 'not going there'.
You might ask what does this person need. well parenting for 1, however since that's not going to happen, a little support. Support in the sense of been able to simply speak to another person or persons and having the discipline to keep sentences short so the other person can take in what was said, reply and feel they are been listened to.
I'm ok at doing this but the moment we part I'm back to old me. Don't get me wrong I known what its like to reflect later on on the conversation and how much can be learned from simply doing that but I won't allow myself to do it. When you allow something (old habits, etc) or the slight thing (a knock back, etc) to the mix and never gonna happen.
All of the above is why I don't go out, why my work colleagues can't understand my work habits, why my relationships fail. back to baby steps I here you say and your right - but feck all that. I choose (somethings knowingly sometimes not to dig in and be extremely cruel to myself for example for years I've been telling myself while driving my children back to their mums that this is the last time I will see you, this is how you might remember me. When one of them tells me your the best daddy ever I choose to say to myself yeah but you would get over me.

Well looking at this post you'd say he's a moaner big time and you would be right. Instead I choose not to do my moaning out loud anymore instead I pretend to listen but very often get caught out by a silent stare to not getting invited back, etc - I'm thinking of work here but its the same outside.
Change - anybody got any lol. To pass the evenings I buy booze (binge drinker), or spend my money wastefully. thus when summer, xmas, etc comes up I cannot afford it. I've thought about how a girlfriend might keep me in check, however one has to get that far! I have on a number of occasion and I just ended up coming home from her's more and more often and squandering anyway. Anyway a girlfriend is not the resolution here.
I acknowledge that I'm full of contradictions, etc and that I could have content living standard if only I copped on.
Women (silence from the forest gump movie when he's giving his war time speech and the mic goes dead) and that's all I got to say about that.