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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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Comments

  • #3482
    Temaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,758 ✭✭✭Temaz


    Can't motivate myself at all today to do anything.


  • #3483
    crunchyogurt
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭crunchyogurt


    Have had high anxiety for the last few days. Been feeling sick and havent really slept much. I dont like where this is going.


  • #3484
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Mood dropped like a stone today. Low, anxious, thinking about death and suicide. Etc.


  • #3485
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    nesf wrote: »
    ...thinking about death and suicide.

    Would you call yourself suicidal though? Not picking a fight with you or anything like that, just that I'm constantly thinking of all that but I wouldn't call myself suicidal - I'm not in danger of acting on those thoughts.


  • #3486
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    jammstarr wrote: »
    Would you call yourself suicidal though? Not picking a fight with you or anything like that, just that I'm constantly thinking of all that but I wouldn't call myself suicidal - I'm not in danger of acting on those thoughts.

    Nah, I'd call myself suicidal when plans start popping into my head and I start refining them. When it's just like this and my mind keeps straying towards those thoughts I just call it "thinking about suicide and death."

    I'm not worried about it.


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  • #3487
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    Yeah it's certainly not great for the mood. Glad to hear you're not thinking of acting on them.


  • #3488
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    nesf wrote: »
    Yeah I try to focus on the kids and my wife but when things are bad I have trouble appreciating them.

    See that's it. That seems like an unachievable goal to me. That what's makes me so sad aswell is: will I ever have a normal relationship.

    I've had one boyfriend for two years, but it was really because I was working away from home at the time and I kept him away from my home life (my family has a lot of problems aswell) that I managed to be in a relationship with him.

    I cant see anyone really loving me for who I am :( who would want to take all this on?


  • #3489
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    nesf wrote: »
    Nah, I'd call myself suicidal when plans start popping into my head and I start refining them. When it's just like this and my mind keeps straying towards those thoughts I just call it "thinking about suicide and death."

    I'm not worried about it.

    I'd find the same thing, thoughts coming up now and then, which aren't too bad but it's when thoughts turn into definite plans. There's a massive difference but it's great when you can recognise that difference.


  • #3490
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,714 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    See that's it. That seems like an unachievable goal to me. That what's makes me so sad aswell is: will I ever have a normal relationship.

    I've had one boyfriend for two years, but it was really because I was working away from home at the time and I kept him away from my home life (my family has a lot of problems aswell) that I managed to be in a relationship with him.

    I cant see anyone really loving me for who I am :( who would want to take all this on?

    This.

    As much as i battle on sometimes, i'm lonely. I do have some good friends but i'm paranoid so find myself suspicious of them at times. Makes maintaining the friendship difficult. I used to compartmentalise things, but it's too tiring now.

    @Midlandsmissus, thing is this is how i feel when i'm tired of things, mostly though i find i can have quite a bit of faith in the future with the right help, hope you can at least sometimes see things that way too.


  • #3491
    talullah
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭talullah


    My mind is racing a mile a minute, cant concentrate on anything yet im bored and want to do something, cant even watch tv properly...aaaaarrrgggghhhhhh


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  • #3492
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    talullah wrote: »
    My mind is racing a mile a minute, cant concentrate on anything yet im bored and want to do something, cant even watch tv properly...aaaaarrrgggghhhhhh

    I hate nights like that.


  • #3493
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    I cant see anyone really loving me for who I am :( who would want to take all this on?

    That's me. I can't meet let alone keep anyone. I've been called toxic before. No one wants to be around someone like that :(


  • #3494
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    jammstarr wrote: »
    That's me. I can't meet let alone keep anyone. I've been called toxic before. No one wants to be around someone like that :(

    I thought the same, then I met my wife to be.


  • #3495
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    nesf wrote: »
    I thought the same, then I met my wife to be.

    Just goes to show that this might not be terminal :o

    Loneliness, anxiety and a myriad of other issues can just make everything seem unattainable at times.


  • #3496
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    See that's it. That seems like an unachievable goal to me. That what's makes me so sad aswell is: will I ever have a normal relationship.

    I've had one boyfriend for two years, but it was really because I was working away from home at the time and I kept him away from my home life (my family has a lot of problems aswell) that I managed to be in a relationship with him.

    I cant see anyone really loving me for who I am :( who would want to take all this on?

    You'd think that, but my girlfriend somehow loves me. And me her, neither of us are infallible.


  • #3497
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    nesf wrote: »
    I thought the same, then I met my wife to be.

    And did you tell her what you were going through from the beginning?


  • #3498
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    And did you tell her what you were going through from the beginning?

    Yes. I was always very open about it because I didn't want to be with someone who wouldn't deal with it.


  • #3499
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    And did you tell her what you were going through from the beginning?

    Not to be deceitful but wouldn't that scare people away? Yeah if things were getting serious of course tell then. To queer the deal so to speak.


  • #3500
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    jammstarr wrote: »
    Not to be deceitful but wouldn't that scare people away? Yeah if things were getting serious of course tell then. To queer the deal so to speak.

    If they're scared away do you really want to be with them?

    My wife's attitude was: Once I was getting help, doing what I was advised to do and taking my meds then she was happy to be with me. What she wouldn't have put up with was if I was refusing to get treatment etc.


  • #3501
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    I met my girlfriend through a self harm group. Which we both stopped going to it cos it was rubbish. So :p


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  • #3502
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    nesf wrote: »
    If they're scared away do you really want to be with them?

    That's a fair point actually. What I'm getting at is that most people wouldn't be as understand as your wife - they'd drop you as soon as they found out.
    cloud493 wrote: »
    I met my girlfriend through a self harm group. Which we both stopped going to it cos it was rubbish. So :p

    Is it wrong that I'd actually like to meet someone who's experienced depression herself? Like she'd totally understand as opposed to just paying lip service.


  • #3503
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    I don't think its wrong to want that. I think if I had a girlfriend who wasn't... like me, we wouldn't have been together nearly 5 years. She and I totally... understand it. So we know how to support each other. And she is the reason, I will never kill myself. Not ever. Cos I love her so much,


  • #3504
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    nesf wrote: »
    If they're scared away do you really want to be with them?

    My wife's attitude was: Once I was getting help, doing what I was advised to do and taking my meds then she was happy to be with me. What she wouldn't have put up with was if I was refusing to get treatment etc.

    Yeah you're right there. I think it's a worry that a lot of depressed people have that the minute we tell some-one they'll run for the hills. But maybe they won't...


  • #3505
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    Would you date someone who was depressed Midlandsmissus?


  • #3506
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Gah, been cooking all day to keep my mind from being idle to keep bad thoughts away and to practice mindfulness (i.e. living in the moment not in my head). So, um it's 1am and I'm cooking tomorrow's dinner...

    At least it's bean based so it'll benefit from a day resting in the fridge.


  • #3507
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    jammstarr wrote: »
    Would you date someone who was depressed Midlandsmissus?

    Yeah I would. :) If you loved some-one you wouldn't mind. Cool to think of it that way, thanks.


  • #3508
    jammstarr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,805 ✭✭✭jammstarr


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    If you loved some-one you wouldn't mind.

    That's true I suppose.


  • #3509
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Another long night with no sleep. Bleh. Mood improved some bit though thankfully. Still low and thinking about self harm and such but able to resist the urges.


  • #3510
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    nesf wrote: »
    Gah, been cooking all day to keep my mind from being idle to keep bad thoughts away and to practice mindfulness (i.e. living in the moment not in my head). So, um it's 1am and I'm cooking tomorrow's dinner...

    At least it's bean based so it'll benefit from a day resting in the fridge.
    First night in a a while I haven't slept, really hope it's not going to turn into a regular thing. That sounds awful Neaf, up that late cooking, at least though you're doing something positive with your time.


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  • #3511
    Captain Graphite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭Captain Graphite


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    Yeah you're right there. I think it's a worry that a lot of depressed people have that the minute we tell some-one they'll run for the hills. But maybe they won't...

    My last ex said he didn't have a problem with it. I was honest with him about it from the start and he acted like he was fine with it all, and that he'd be there for me if I needed it, blah blah blah......Then, after one single incident of me not having a good night, he decides to dump me a few days before my birthday. "I don't love you anymore 'cause you're too negative" was the response I got. Charming. :rolleyes: The breakup itself didn't really hurt (tbh, I never really loved him the same way he loved me, even though I was beginning to feel it just as it suddenly ended) but the timing was a massive kick in the teeth. The year before, I had got dumped the night before my birthday, and I shared this with him because I trusted him. He swore he'd never do anything like that. Lying ****er. :rolleyes: The thing that pissed me off most was that he didn't even give me my birthday present; after we broke up, he returned it to the shop rather than letting me have it. I mean what kind of cheap asshole does that?
    jammstarr wrote:
    Is it wrong that I'd actually like to meet someone who's experienced depression herself? Like she'd totally understand as opposed to just paying lip service

    It's not wrong at all, it's totally understandable. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee that you still won't get hurt. You might imagine it to be easier being with someone who's also depressed, it's not always the case unfortunately.

    My first ex (the one who dumped me the night before my birthday and who, unlike the second ex, I happened to be head over heels in love with) had his own issues with depression. Throughout our relationship, he was doing worse than I was so I tried my best to be there for him as much as I could, even though we lived fairly far apart. When the tide turned, and he began to feel better while I began to feel worse, he dumped me because he thought we were too "emotionally dependent." So basically it was fine for him to turn to me every time he was having trouble, but when I needed the same in return it was suddenly out of line! (There was the whole distance thing too, which was a perfectly valid reason for ending a relationship. But the "emotionally dependent" part stuck in my mind; it made me feel guilty just for trying my best to be supportive.)

    Anyway, the result of all this lovelife disaster has left me afraid to even go out with anyone anymore. I don't want to be the person who keeps getting dumped for things that are out of my control. And I don't enjoy my birthday anymore either; two years in a row is just hell. :( I guess 'cause I'm still only 22 it's too early for me to be worrying about being alone. But I just can't trust anyone now.

    I know this isn't PI, but the above experiences have really hindered me in trying to get over being depressed. I was sick recently and allowed my mind to wander while I was feeling down. Dwelling too much on the past always makes me feel so empty and lonely, so I try not to do it too much. But when I'm sick, and my body feels crap, my mind insists on feeling the same. It sucks so much. :(

    I'm sorry for this mini-essay; wrote a similar piece in AH last night 'cause I felt so crap about myself. Worse than I've felt for a few months. Overall, 2012 has been pretty good to me so far. I shouldn't be feeling so down right now. I mean, I woke this morning in great form for some inexplicable reason! But as the day went on, that quickly wore down and now I'm left feeling closer to how I was last night.

    Again, sorry for talking so much. I'll shut up now. :o


This discussion has been closed.
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