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poem about nuclear warning

  • 14-08-2019 2:56pm
    #1
    hgfj
    Registered Users Posts: 252 ✭✭


    I don't have a title for this but I wrote it when I was about 15, I think, so '75, '76. I'd just watched a programme on tv about what to do if a nuclear bomb went off.


    There's no need to worry
    strange dream that it seems
    that the Russians or anyone
    will blow us up in smithereens
    'cos the big boys and generals
    in their bunkers below
    will send out instructions
    via the radio
    to families and friends
    who wait for the call
    whilst Mama watches cups
    least they wobble and fall
    and look, Papa is choking,
    and no-one knows why -
    we're under a table
    we're too safe to die.


Comments

  • #2
    Sheridan81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Sheridan81


    Good, especially for a fifteen year-old. I would tweak line four's 'will blow us up in smithereens' cause it doesn't flow and change 'or anyone' to someone specific, 'or yanks' perhaps.


  • #3
    hgfj
    Registered Users Posts: 252 ✭✭hgfj


    Thanks. I wrote the original version when I was 15 or 16 but I have changed a few lines since then. I only remembered about it the other day after that explosion in Russia. The "or anyone" always bothered me. Even at the time. I just couldn't think of anything else.

    Does

    "that the Russians will blow us
    all up in smithereens"

    come across any better?


  • #4
    Sheridan81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Sheridan81


    Yeah, it does. I'd opt for just 'into smithereens' off the top of my head. I'd probably cut it into four four-line verses too but it's your choice.


  • #5
    hgfj
    Registered Users Posts: 252 ✭✭hgfj


    This reads better all right. Thanks for the suggestions.



    There's no need to worry
    strange dream that it seems
    that the Russians will blow us
    into smithereens

    'cos the big boys and generals
    in their bunkers below
    will send out instructions
    via the radio

    to families and friends
    who wait for the call
    whilst Mama watches cups
    least they wobble and fall

    and look, Papa is choking,
    and no-one knows why -
    we're under a table
    we're too safe to die.


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