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Odd neighbour

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    #62
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,926 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Thread re-opened at OP's request.

    HS


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    #63
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi everyone,

    OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

    I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

    I have ordered CCTV cameras.

    Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.


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    #64
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,034 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    Well at least you know it’s not “just” you that has a problem with him.

    A motion sensor that illuminates the area outside the front of your house might work well with the cameras. Good luck


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    #65
    Call me Al
    Registered Users Posts: 3,020 ✭✭✭Call me Al


    Strange neighbour wrote: »
    Hi everyone,

    OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

    I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

    I have ordered CCTV cameras.

    Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.

    You can get a lock for your bins. As far as I know it clicks open to empty when it's lifted by the truck.
    It will stop any interference on his part, and throw a warning shot across his bow that you're aware of what happened. I might also say it directly to him the next time he tried to interact with me. It likely will mean he pulls back a bit from hanging around when he sees you..


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    #66
    rolling boh
    Registered Users Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭rolling boh


    That's a tough one to have a person like that next door as has been said sounds like his behaviour would be similar with whoever is nearby.I suppose all you can do is stay out of his way as much as possible which is awful to have to do around your own house but little you can do really .Reporting him will do little and could well escalate the problem .Hopefully for you things will turn for the better and you can find a better place .


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    #67
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,435 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    As pp have said, at least it's a relief to know it's not specific to you.

    I agree with getting bin locks. And yes, as you mentioned OP, definitely cctv also. That might be enough to make him back off and stay out of your property.

    Try not to let his behaviour get to you too much, I know that's easier said than done.


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    #68
    TheadoreT
    Registered Users Posts: 930 ✭✭✭TheadoreT


    Good you followed the advice to speak to neighbours about him and at least it puts to rest the idea that's he's liked by everyone and singling you out.

    I'm sorry to hear he's tainting your ownership experience so much but i think the bin situation gives you more cause to be abrupt with him now. Next time he approaches you it's time to be very firm and upfront about him staying off your property.


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    #69
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here,

    Yes, regarding the rubbish, he treats some of the other neighbours the same. However, he has normal conversations with them, not the weird conversations he has tried to start with me, like asking me am I scared and laughing , asking me what part of the house I sleep in.

    At this point, I am incredibly angry with him.
    I don't think I could even muster a polite hello to him, I think I will completely blank him.

    The fact that he came to my property to go at my bins, when I previously told him not to shows a total disregard to any boundaries.


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    #70
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    It's awful when someone turns out to be a crappy neighbour. Taints the whole living in your home bit.

    I second the lock on the bin. And blanking him. He doesn't sound like he deserves to be spoken to especially the way he has singled you out.


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    #71
    LilacNails
    Registered Users Posts: 647 ✭✭✭LilacNails


    Another vote here to lock the bins and completely blank him.

    He sounds like someone who wants attention, by completely blanking him will make him bored of you and hopefully give up on bothering you.

    What a ****ty situation to be in, he sounds like a tool bag.


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    #72
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Would you be able to get together with the neighbors to put some kind of order on him with the police?


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    #73
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 596 ✭ [Deleted User]


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Would you be able to get together with the neighbors to put some kind of order on him with the police?

    Indeed, this guy sounds like a prime candidate for an ASBO. https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/law_enforcement/anti_social_behaviour_by_adults.html#


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    #74
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    WeirdNeighbour wrote: »
    Hi OP
    I will attempt to present a different point of view.
    A couple of years ago after I moved in to the area with a small child of my own, one of the neighbours ( female) must have had a bad gut feeling about me. I am female too btw. When her kids were playing in my place with my kid, one of her kids told me that their mammy told them I (me) wasn’t to touch their panties or their private parts.
    I don’t know why she felt the needs to tell her kids that but I had no intention to touch their private parts. Wtf like. Having thought about it, I remembered telling the mother her kids were cute. That’s as far as it went. But nowadays people absolutely assume the worst about everyone.
    Moral of the story, avoid the neighbour all you wish but assuming he is a weirdo and telling people you have a bad gut feeling about someone just because he happened to say something you thought was strange, is a reflection on you rather than him.

    No it is not a reflection on her.
    She should trust her instincts.


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    #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Having read through the thread I am very surprised at the minimising responses. This guy is a total creep. How dare he impose himself as he already has. Where do you sleep? Are you scared? You are good looking. Etc.
    OP you are never going to want to be this person's friend so you do not have to beat around the bush. A firm "Leave me alone" followed by zero further interaction is suitable for some creep who has determinedly over stepped the mark and been completely inappropriate. If he persists in making contact tell him you will report him to the police.


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    #76
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i think he is just what people used to call 'simple'. bringing out the bin, not knowing boundaries, what room do you sleep in. you're good looking

    Not pschopathic /sociopathic behaviours. a psychopath would be too calculating to ask what room you sleep in or let you know they thought you good looking or were attracted to you. They would know it would put you on your guard. Larry Murphy would be much more calculating and subtle. I think that is why folk look after this guy. He would not have been allowed to stay there all those years if he were a threat to the community.Probably a new strange person is, to him, interesting. In is world a new friend as he sees it

    OP seeminginly has no problem selling in the future without telling buyer about this "massive" threat


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    #77
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,764 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Jequ0n, please reread The Forum Charter.

    A number of your posts have been deleted for being off topic. If you have an issue with posts, please report them.


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    #78
    bunny_mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭bunny_mac


    simpes wrote: »
    i think he is just what people used to call 'simple'. bringing out the bin, not knowing boundaries, what room do you sleep in. you're good looking

    Not pschopathic /sociopathic behaviours. a psychopath would be too calculating to ask what room you sleep in or let you know they thought you good looking or were attracted to you. They would know it would put you on your guard. Larry Murphy would be much more calculating and subtle. I think that is why folk look after this guy. He would not have been allowed to stay there all those years if he were a threat to the community.Probably a new strange person is, to him, interesting. In is world a new friend as he sees it

    OP seeminginly has no problem selling in the future without telling buyer about this "massive" threat

    You're clearly not a woman living on her own. I am, and even just reading about this guy is freaking me out. He doesn't have to be a serial killer to be threatening.


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    #79
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,764 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Posters are reminded that Personal Issues is specifically an advice forum. Posters are expected to offer advice to the OP when replying.

    A number of off topic posts have been deleted. Unregistered posts that do not offer advice to the OP will not be approved.

    Posters are asked to familiarise themselves with The Forum Charter.


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    #80
    An Ri rua
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭An Ri rua


    Strange neighbour wrote: »
    Hi everyone,

    OP here. Thanks for your replies and advice. After speaking to one of my neighbours, it turns out this man is throwing his rubbish into a few gardens at the back of the houses. There is one empty house in our row and he has filled the garden of that house with his rubbish.

    I discovered yesterday that someone had put rubbish in my bins. I strongly suspect it was him while I was at work during the day. I am very annoyed at his refusal to stay away from my property and bins.

    I have ordered CCTV cameras.

    Financially, I can't afford to move in the next few years, I spent so much on buying this house (deposit, solicitors fees etc.), so I am stuck here. But as soon as I can move, the for sale sign will go up. I am so annoyed and freaked out by his behaviour.

    So sorry to hear of your troubles Op. It's probably chauvinistic to say but it's not right that a woman living alone should feel like that. You've done great so far, considering the strain it must be. Genuinely sorry to read of your discomfort and unease.

    When I lived alone, I didn't fear anything (chauvinistic man talk) but I did abhor anyone on my property when I wasn't there or when my blinds were closed.
    A quick fix is to get yourself a few old Android phones (,get a long usb cable extension if needed) and download the Alfred app. Using WiFi, you'll get instant alerts of activity, you can zoom (if the phone is recent), you can record etc.
    Also get yourself some CCTV stickers on Amazon or eBay. Put them, discretely, at the front and back of your property. Trust me, I had a petty drug dealer living next door that, along with some formal hints like that, learned to keep his distance. In my case, I did film the road and path past my house as my security comes first, particularly when my home has been cased.
    Lastly, while waiting for a good PIR security lighting setup, for a lot less cash you can buy Mr Beams on Amazon UK. Check them out. Battery operated weather proof spotlights. More than plenty for deterring snakes in bushes.

    Take care of yourself.

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HS42LNK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_8TNJTQZCM501Y237V15N I have black ones. On my home and my mother's home. Seasoned people have been unnerved by them as they reckon they're cameras.


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    #81
    An Ri rua
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭An Ri rua


    Call me Al wrote: »
    You can get a lock for your bins. As far as I know it clicks open to empty when it's lifted by the truck.
    It will stop any interference on his part, and throw a warning shot across his bow that you're aware of what happened. I might also say it directly to him the next time he tried to interact with me. It likely will mean he pulls back a bit from hanging around when he sees you..

    Op, you can also put s large A3 sheet into both bins, as you put them out, saying 'smile, you're on CCTV). Granted it may be dark but, trust me, catching idiots like that on cctv is priceless.


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    #82
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Indeed, this guy sounds like a prime candidate for an ASBO. https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/law_enforcement/anti_social_behaviour_by_adults.html#
    Report everything keep records of everything video it if you can.

    I would try and do this if it continues. Its the escalation you need to worry about.


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    #83
    MaccaTacca
    Registered Users Posts: 142 ✭✭MaccaTacca


    Edit Wrong thread.


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    #84
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here,

    Thanks for all the advice and support, it means a lot, especially when you're up against a figure who many in the town adore and call a 'dote'🙄. The other long established male neighbours seem to be turning a blind eye to this man throwing his rubbish into some of the other gardens (my garden, an vacant house garden and another newish neighbour who is going out with a local) and buring his own rubbish outside(the smell from this is toxic). For some reason, he seems untouchable and popular.

    I've noticed over the past while that many of the people who call to his house to visit him don't acknowledge me if I meet them around the town or pass them by walking. No doubt, he is probably already bad mouthing me as a defence, incase I say anything about his behaviour around the town. Everyone will believe him and I'll be painted the as 'the new awkward unfriendly neighbour'. I haven't yet told any of my neighbours about his behaviour towards me. I'm not sure how they would react, I suspect they would start defending him and give me short shrift. I am the 'blow in'. The rubbish in gardens issue came up separately when I was taking to one of my neighbours last week.

    If I could, I'd have the for sale sign up in the morning, but financially I can't move for a few years. Even today, a nice sunny day, I won't be able to sit out in my own garden because he will no doubt 'appear'. I feel a bit trapped in this house. It's really starting to effect me.


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    #85
    bunny_mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭bunny_mac


    Strange neighbour wrote: »
    Hi OP here,

    Thanks for all the advice and support, it means a lot, especially when you're up against a figure who many in the town adore and call a 'dote'🙄. The other long established male neighbours seem to be turning a blind eye to this man throwing his rubbish into some of the other gardens (my garden, an vacant house garden and another newish neighbour who is going out with a local) and buring his own rubbish outside(the smell from this is toxic). For some reason, he seems untouchable and popular.

    I've noticed over the past while that many of the people who call to his house to visit him don't acknowledge me if I meet them around the town or pass them by walking. No doubt, he is probably already bad mouthing me as a defence, incase I say anything about his behaviour around the town. Everyone will believe him and I'll be painted the as 'the new awkward unfriendly neighbour'. I haven't yet told any of my neighbours about his behaviour towards me. I'm not sure how they would react, I suspect they would start defending him and give me short shrift. I am the 'blow in'. The rubbish in gardens issue came up separately when I was taking to one of my neighbours last week.

    If I could, I'd have the for sale sign up in the morning, but financially I can't move for a few years. Even today, a nice sunny day, I won't be able to sit out in my own garden because he will no doubt 'appear'. I feel a bit trapped in this house. It's really starting to effect me.

    My heart really goes out to you OP. As a single woman living alone I can imagine how you must feel. What can seem 'innocent' or 'harmless' to a family or a couple or a man living alone is anything but to a lone woman. I wish I could win the lotto and buy you a new house. ☺️


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    #86
    Taeholic
    Registered Users Posts: 128 ✭✭Taeholic


    My heart goes out to you OP it's a horrible situation. It's a beautiful day and I'm sure some sun might help you relax, can you sit in back garden with headphones in?That way if he does appear, you don't "hear" him. Can you put a lock on your side gate? Or get a side gate with a padlock. It will be a long summer feeling trapped and unfortunately he sounds like the type that doesn't get hints. You shouldn't have to do this but if it means you can relax in your own garden it would be worth it.


    He sounds nasty and menacing if he is bad mouthing you to other neighbours. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home at a very minimum. Hugs


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    #87
    eleventh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭eleventh


    Anyone burning rubbish in a shared space should be reported to the council. Go on their website, there is a section that deals with the environment.

    As to others siding with the neighbour, I'd advise to just ignore that as best as you can. (I could have predicted early in the thread that this would happen).
    You've done nothing wrong. Just continue as you have been, continue being yourself (don't let them get to you).
    People who listen to gossip or lies are not people you want in your life. Be clear on that, see it as a good thing if they reveal themselves.

    You will connect with people who are genuine, who don't engage with gossip etc. It may take time, because people who mind their own business and aren't busybodies, tend to be busy with their own lives and less visible in the community. After some time, you will meet them.

    Please look into some kind of wall or fencing. I would ask the council about it when talking to them. It may need planning permission etc.

    Best of luck. I do feel for the situation as can relate to some of what you shared.


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    #88
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    OP tbh, especially during lockdown, I’d stop worrying about what others might think if that’s holding you back to the point you feel like a prisoner in your own home. First off all of your feelings are based on assumptions and, secondly, if true then these aren’t opinions you can control so not sitting out your back because of fear of backlash if you have to confront this guy is only harming yourself and not gaining anything.

    If he peers over the wall and starts to make smalltalk, start recording him on your phone, be calm and clear in saying that you’ve asked him not to peer into your house or garden and are recording him for evidence if he continues. If he burns his rubbish, take pictures/videos of him doing so then ring the Gardai immediately as that’s an offence and, like you said, toxic. Hold him accountable for his actions and he’ll either be forced to learn or he’ll be punished. And you’d be surprised how quickly even long-held opinions can turn when people see Gardai showing up at the house because it turns out that old dote Larry was a bit of a peeping Tom or was risking poisoning his neighbour after he’d been asked to stop.

    I’m sorry again you’re going through this OP. It isn’t your fault and I acknowledge that dealing with the discomfort I’m suggesting is easier said than done, and in an ideal world you shouldn’t have to. But the good news is that you have all the tools you need to be rid of this issue if you use them.


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    #89
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here,

    Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up. Trying to figure out financially how to get out of here. Rent would be almost twice my mortgage, property prices have gone up since I purchased my house. Next time, I want a house on it's own private site, something that will be very expensive to purchase, especially on my own.

    I have some family land I could possibly use, perhaps a log cabin or a mobile home on this land might be an idea? I considered this in the past, enquired briefly with the county council and it would require planning permission.

    Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.


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    #90
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    Oddneighbour wrote: »
    Hi OP here,

    Just feeling so trapped in this house. I am so tempted to put the for sale sign up. Trying to figure out financially how to get out of here. Rent would be almost twice my mortgage, property prices have gone up since I purchased my house. Next time, I want a house on it's own private site, something that will be very expensive to purchase, especially on my own.

    I have some family land I could possibly use, perhaps a log cabin or a mobile home on this land might be an idea? I considered this in the past, enquired briefly with the county council and it would require planning permission.

    Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.


    OP - I’m so sorry for the awful situation you find yourself in. It appalling having a difficult or downright knacker neighbour. I totally sympathise.
    Have you made a formal complaint to the gaurds? Ask for ‘ the’ community gaurd and insist you want them to go and speak with him. Outline your issues and list them so you don’t get put off or sidelined in the conversation. Say it is a patter of behaviour & you want him spoken to by a gaurd - if you have to Nd are blown off ring and make an appointment with the local sergent to speak to them. My sincerest sympathies.


    Did you get a doorbell camera? Ot a high one you can stream to the cloud from an upstairs bedroom window? Its the first thing the gaurds will tell you to do otherwise its your word against his from here on out. :(


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    #91
    Cash_Q
    Registered Users Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭Cash_Q


    Oddneighbour wrote:
    Or just cut my losses, sell the house and rent for a while. I feel life is too short to be trapped living somewhere that makes one so unhappy.


    Thats what we decided to do to escape 3 sets of awful neighbours, and luckily we ended up selling at a small profit and being able to buy again as we had a 20percent deposit from the proceeds of the sale once we had repaid the mortgage on that house. We didnt put a sign in the garden as we didnt want to draw too much attention to it and have the nasty people sneering at us if it didnt work out. We also didnt want them to jeopardise the sale by making themselves known to potential buyers.

    If you can find a good agent they might just be able to link you to your next house, which is what happened for us.

    Youre right, life is too short to feel like this is your own home.


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