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Maths jokes!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,595 ✭✭✭MathsManiac


    Q. Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
    A. To get to the other - er...

    ...

    For answer, see post #5 on page 1!
    ;)


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    np_complete.png


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    riemann-zeta.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,149 ✭✭✭ZorbaTehZ


    How does one insult a mathematician?

    Tell him that his brain is smaller than any ε > 0


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH




    Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...


    Statistics Canada is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
    All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
    The pure mathematician: "It's one."
    The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
    The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"


    A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time. Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake.
    When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

    One day, Jesus said to his disciples: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
    A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter: "What, on Earth, does he mean by that?"
    Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."

    LMAO, thanks for those!

    The parabola one is so bad it's good! :D:D


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 206 ✭✭eagleye7


    Ok as far as i know this is an original from my very own brain so be nice.

    Ive been told you cant get the square root of a negative number...

    ...but i can.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8 amis


    I know this one has basically been said before but here's an improved version in my opinion:

    What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

    Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8 amis


    What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife?

    A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 41 t-mobile1892


    This is terrible but what the hey,

    Pi walks up to the Square Root of -4.

    Pi: "Be Real!"

    Square Root: "Be Rational!"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Thomas_S_Hunterson


    This is terrible but what the hey,

    Pi walks up to the Square Root of -4.

    Pi: "Be Real!"

    Square Root: "Be Rational!"

    You murdered it!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,081 ✭✭✭LeixlipRed


    Banned for life... :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23 niallo1


    Q: What is half of infinity ?

    A:
    nity

    :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,102 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    A biologist, statistician and a mathematician were having a coffee watching the world go by. A man and a woman entered a building across the street and emerged five minutes later with a child.

    "They have reproduced", said the biologist. "My observation is that, on average, two and a half people entered the building and two and a half people emerged", said the statistician. The Mathematician mused for a moment and said, "If one more person enters the building it will be empty."


    Proposition: All numbers are interesting!

    Proof (by contradiction):
    There exists some number which is the least uninteresting number. But this property makes it interesting. Contradiction!



    Proposition: All numbers are boring!

    Proof (by contradiction):
    There exists some number which is the least interesting number. But this property makes it boring. Contradiction!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭ Marcus Uptight Valley


    Pherekydes wrote: »
    A biologist, statistician and a mathematician were having a coffee watching the world go by. A man and a woman entered a building across the street and emerged five minutes later with a child.

    "They have reproduced", said the biologist. "My observation is that, on average, two and a half people entered the building and two and a half people emerged", said the statistician. The Mathematician mused for a moment and said, "If one more person enters the building it will be empty."

    That makes no sense to me?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Thomas_S_Hunterson


    That makes no sense to me?

    2 people enter, 3 come out, apparently leaving minus 1 people inside. If someone else goes in, it'll be empty.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3 alliquott


    Sin, Cos and Tan are all at a party. While Sin and Cos are on the dance floor they see Tan sitting in the corner looking sad. They walk over to Tan and ask whats wrong, to which Tan replies " I dont Integrate well"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6 louph


    What is the square root of 4b^2 ?


    2b or not 2b


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Thomas_S_Hunterson


    alliquott wrote: »
    Sin, Cos and Tan are all at a party. While Sin and Cos are on the dance floor they see Tan sitting in the corner looking sad. They walk over to Tan and ask whats wrong, to which Tan replies " I dont Integrate well"

    ? think this one got messed up along the way :p


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,583 ✭✭✭alan4cult


    alliquott wrote: »
    Sin, Cos and Tan are all at a party. While Sin and Cos are on the dance floor they see Tan sitting in the corner looking sad. They walk over to Tan and ask whats wrong, to which Tan replies " I dont Integrate well"
    It would work better with e^x since it can't seem to integrate.


  • Posts: 4,630 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    alan4cult wrote: »
    It would work better with e^x since it can't seem to integrate.

    e^x must be going through its teenage years, you know, it doesn't integrate very well.

    Oh god, that was terrible.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,595 ✭✭✭MathsManiac


    See post #15 for the most decent version (imho) of that joke.


  • Posts: 4,630 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    See post #15 for the most decent version (imho) of that joke.

    Yah that version's far better.

    How about this: All of the lady functions are impressed of e... They say his "growth" increases exponentially.

    That's probably the worst joke I've ever made/read!:rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 48 timbrophy


    Here is a visual one:
    mathsjoke.png

    Regards to all,

    Tim


  • Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    math_clock.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,102 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    I want one of those! :D


  • Posts: 4,630 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    The only two I can't work out are 3 and 11, how do they work?!


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,102 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    3


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    11 is just hex


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭ Marcus Uptight Valley



    10 - I can't even remember what branch of maths this is.
    4 has me stumped - no matter what way I work it I get .5?

    But I never crucified little biko, that was two junior
    High school psychos
    Stinky bohoon and his friend with the pumpkin-sized head

    I'm considering it, 10 is driving me nuts.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Thomas_S_Hunterson


    10 - I can't even remember what branch of maths this is.
    4 has me stumped - no matter what way I work it I get .5?
    10 is just a binomial coefficient and 4 is arithmetic modulo 7. The multiplicative inverse of 2 is 4 since 2*4 mod 7 = 1


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