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Lost in life

  • 10-12-2019 11:36am
    #1
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭


    So basically this is my story, I suffer with depression and anxiety, I've a drink problem, drink up to 4-5 times aweek, very few friends, no social life, over weight, unemployed, no partner, low income and living with parents, I'm 36.very low today with no motivation, im stuck in a rut and cant get out of it, what a mess my life has turned into.


Comments

  • #2
    Professor Genius
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 391 ✭✭Professor Genius


    candycock wrote: »
    So basically this is my story, I suffer with depression and anxiety, I've a drink problem, drink up to 4-5 times aweek, very few friends, no social life, over weight, unemployed, no partner, low income and living with parents, I'm 36.very low today with no motivation, im stuck in a rut and cant get out of it, what a mess my life has turned into.

    Hard to do but you need to make real change. Stop drinking. Change diet. Exercise. Review employment options. Maybe look at moving to an urban area with better opportunities. Only you can make the changes. There isn’t a magic wand and it’s not easy to start changing but nothing will change unless you do.

    36 isn’t old btw


  • #3
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    Professor Genius wrote: »
    Hard to do but you need to make real change. Stop drinking. Change diet. Exercise. Review employment options. Maybe look at moving to an urban area with better opportunities. Only you can make the changes. There isn’t a magic wand and it’s not easy to start changing but nothing will change unless you do.

    36 isn’t old btw
    thank you for your advice.


  • #4
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,385 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Start with one thing. It can become overwhelming if you try to make too many changes at once.

    A couple of suggestions, I hope they help.
    - Look into addressing the drink problem, there are organisations that offer help. There's a forum on boards that could help in that respect;

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015

    Good advice here too on this forum about both nutrition and exercise;

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=252

    - Consider having a chat with your GP about the depression and anxiety. They will help. You're not alone in all of this.

    - Is there anything local you could get involved in? GAA club, community activity of some sort. Parkrun has become very popular and anyone at all, regardless of fitness level can join in.

    Mind yourself.


  • #5
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    Start off with a goal of going out for a walk a few times a week, aiming for every day. This will be great for your head and your health.

    Have you ever worked previously? Look into courses that are local. There can be good ones that are on for 4 weeks or so at the local community/resource centre.


  • #6
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    So I exercised yesterday for an hour, had a healthy dinner, I met friends and ended up in the pub, had an orange and made my excuses and left, so in away I'm proud of myself, I'm still struggling to sleep, any suggestions for a good night's sleep?? Oh and I've an interview for a job on Monday fingers crossed. Thank you everyone for taking the time to give me some constructive advice.


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  • #7
    Professor Genius
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 391 ✭✭Professor Genius


    candycock wrote: »
    So I exercised yesterday for an hour, had a healthy dinner, I met friends and ended up in the pub, had an orange and made my excuses and left, so in away I'm proud of myself, I'm still struggling to sleep, any suggestions for a good night's sleep?? Oh and I've an interview for a job on Monday fingers crossed. Thank you everyone for taking the time to give me some constructive advice.

    Well done. You don’t need to make excuses for not drinking !

    Do you bring devices like smart phones or tablets to bed ? Avoid if you can. Try a decent book. Also have your room cool and decent bedclothes/duvet to get comfortable under. Stay away from caffeine after lunchtime


  • #8
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    Professor Genius wrote: »
    Well done. You don’t need to make excuses for not drinking !

    Do you bring devices like smart phones or tablets to bed ? Avoid if you can. Try a decent book. Also have your room cool and decent bedclothes/duvet to get comfortable under. Stay away from caffeine after lunchtime
    Yes I bring my phone or sometimes my tablet to bed but I will avoid doing that tonite, I've ordered Tyson Fury's book so I'm looking forward to reading that.thanks for your help and advice, I have an interview on Monday and I'm a little anxious but I suppose that's to be expected, it's been 2 years since I worked fulltime. Fingers crossed it goes ok, even if I dont get the job, it's a step in the right direction.


  • #9
    Professor Genius
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 391 ✭✭Professor Genius


    candycock wrote: »
    Yes I bring my phone or sometimes my tablet to bed but I will avoid doing that tonite, I've ordered Tyson Fury's book so I'm looking forward to reading that.thanks for your help and advice, I have an interview on Monday and I'm a little anxious but I suppose that's to be expected, it's been 2 years since I worked fulltime. Fingers crossed it goes ok, even if I dont get the job, it's a step in the right direction.

    It is indeed. Keep going with the positive attitude. That’s the main thing. It’s will help a lot ! Best of luck.


  • #10
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    keep going. keep doing the exercise and the bit of socialising without alcohol.
    its a terrific start.

    talk to your gp when you get a chance. every bit of support is vital.
    if you're on social welfare how about speaking to someone there regarding a CE scheme or such. its a great place to start.

    keep up the good work. and best of luck


  • #11
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,385 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Best of luck, OP with the interview.


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  • #12
    candycock
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭candycock


    HildaOgdenx wrote: »
    Best of luck, OP with the interview.

    Interview went ok but I didn't get the job.


  • #13
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    You need to change who you are.

    Change your identity.

    Become a totally new person with a new personality.

    The older you get ..i won't lie ...the harder it is. You can mold yourself before 25 ..its not impossible after but its harder. It can be done though.

    But you have to change your actual identity.

    Thing is you want to not drink ...be healthy motivated etc. But right now that isn't who you are..you have cultivated this other personality and identity. And you probably like that identity ..

    You like the easy going fun drinker guy.

    You don't like the motivated non drinker fitness freak organized guy on Instagram. You probably find him annoying.


    You have to like someone if you want to become them.

    People often think they need to change what they are doing.

    They actually need to change who they are.

    They need friends who fit the person they are going to become etc. You want a new lifestyle ...you need be the person who would live it.

    Its a lot deeper than new habits.


    Im sorry about the rejection. You will eventually find a job though. But you will face a lot of rejection.

    Good luck.

    Think of it as a rebirth. You'll be like a newborn baby again ...and mold yourself and your whole personality into who you want to be.

    Its not just important to know who you are but to be who you want to be.


  • #14
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    ILYV, that is bad advice. You don't just tell someone to change their personality.


  • #15
    Professor Genius
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 391 ✭✭Professor Genius


    Bigbagofcans wrote: »
    ILYV, that is bad advice. You don't just tell someone to change their personality.

    Yeah it’s pure gibberish.


  • #16
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    Bigbagofcans wrote: »
    ILYV, that is bad advice. You don't just tell someone to change their personality.

    I think the wording wasn't great but the meaning behind the words is spot on. You CAN change and you can become the person you want to be, even in your thirties. My biggest shift in perspective and my biggest success in life happened when I realised this. I realised I could become the person I wanted to be and that I wasn't doomed to have a horrible life because of my background.

    This change in thinking helped because instead of thinking of myself as a useless, lazy person who had always been bad at school PE and wasn't worthy of gym memberships, I thought of myself as a fit and healthy person who deserved a good lifestyle including lots of exercise and self care. I went and bought some nice workout clothes that flattered me, new runners, and when I started my fitness classes, I went in feeling like I was just as fit and sporty and deserving to be there as anyone else there. It didn't take long for that to actually become a reality. Same with other stuff, like hanging out with friends who were bad influences and negative. I didn't want to be that person, so told myself I was a nice, positive person who was worthy of good friendships with nice people. Instead of spending evenings in the same pubs getting drunk and complaining, I started volunteering at a food bank and met some really nice people who are now friends, and so on. I literally just told myself I was the person I wanted to become, and it gradually started to happen. I still have lots of work to do, but this change has made an enormous difference to my life.


  • #17
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    You are still the same person with the same personality; you have simply changed the way you live. Not who you are, You have re-formed

    PS well done re the food bank; voluntary work is a huge way to refocus
    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    I think the wording wasn't great but the meaning behind the words is spot on. You CAN change and you can become the person you want to be, even in your thirties. My biggest shift in perspective and my biggest success in life happened when I realised this. I realised I could become the person I wanted to be and that I wasn't doomed to have a horrible life because of my background.

    This change in thinking helped because instead of thinking of myself as a useless, lazy person who had always been bad at school PE and wasn't worthy of gym memberships, I thought of myself as a fit and healthy person who deserved a good lifestyle including lots of exercise and self care. I went and bought some nice workout clothes that flattered me, new runners, and when I started my fitness classes, I went in feeling like I was just as fit and sporty and deserving to be there as anyone else there. It didn't take long for that to actually become a reality. Same with other stuff, like hanging out with friends who were bad influences and negative. I didn't want to be that person, so told myself I was a nice, positive person who was worthy of good friendships with nice people. Instead of spending evenings in the same pubs getting drunk and complaining, I started volunteering at a food bank and met some really nice people who are now friends, and so on. I literally just told myself I was the person I wanted to become, and it gradually started to happen. I still have lots of work to do, but this change has made an enormous difference to my life.


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