Forgiving/Unforgiving

26-09-2020 12:52pm

I have no kids and I am currently without woman.

If I got a partner this evening and she cheated, that would be that, the relationship would be cooked. Regardless of how remorseful she was is of no importance, no hope for the relationship.

Kids are obviously a different scenario and I suppose if I felt there was genuine remorse I'd consider giving it another go. Staying together purely for the sake of children is of no use so I definitely wouldn't chug along just because of said child/children.

Purple Mountain · 26-09-2020 12:54pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

...and get yourself tested

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 2:42pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Kylta · 26-09-2020 5:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

To answer the OP,I'd never forgive or forget and I'll definitely never trust 100% again.

If you can trust somebody how do you proceed to have a relationship. All relationships are built on trust.
And if people are going to cheat why stay in a relationship, why doesn't the person whose going to cheat (betray/break a trust) just dissolve the relationship before they actually cheat.

bobbyy gee · 26-09-2020 5:31pm

I would become a widower quite quickly

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! · 26-09-2020 5:45pm

I know several guys (I wouldn't call them friends - more acquaintances) who have definitely cheated on their wives while away on business trips.

I know their wives would be absolutely devastated if they ever found this out. But it's none of my business, so I keep well out of it.

Some of them are really smug f*ckers too. Not a hint of shame or remorse, and see themselves as good decent family men.

No wonder I have no respect for the whole institution of marriage... the whole damn thing looks like a sham from where I'm standing!

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 7:57pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 9:06pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

jaxxx · 26-09-2020 9:10pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

Shut up you whore!

:pac:

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 9:35pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

Well, clearly, I care.

We do not know the circumstances under which people cheat.

I do not condone cheating. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But there can be genuine reasons for it. It’s better to break a relationship off before meeting the next person, but maybe there is abuse, coldness, hurt, fear, children in the equation meaning that it could be harder to leave. And so on and so forth.

But it happens. And if somebody is being cheated on repeatedly, they are either unlucky, or something else is in play.

Your junkie analogy doesn’t really work, as I guess you are talking about people addicted to drugs being called junkies, whereas whores are people who have sex for money, or who are unscrupulous in their moral standards.

Generalizing any woman who cheats, and calling them whores is a nasty thing to do.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, as I stand by what I say.

For what it’s worth - cheating = not good. Calling women who cheat whores = not good. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Kylta · 26-09-2020 10:15pm

Name calling is all about social concept.
Why does the word whore upset a woman when she is called it? Yet when a man is called a whoremaster he is adored and idolised.

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 10:30pm

Kylta wrote: »

Name calling is all about social concept.
Why does the word whore upset a woman when she is called it? Yet when a man is called a whoremaster he is adored and idolised.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that a whoremaster would be adored and idolised! But it's a fair point in terms of why one word is worse than another.

We express ourselves in words and motions. They are powerful. They influence, and shape opinions. Their standing and meaning become embedded in society, and I, for one, would much rather be called sound, than nasty.

Words have meanings which go far beyond the letters they are made up of.

Think we are going off topic a bit now though..

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 11:32pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Well, clearly, I care.

We do not know the circumstances under which people cheat.

I do not condone cheating. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But there can be genuine reasons for it. It’s better to break a relationship off before meeting the next person, but maybe there is abuse, coldness, hurt, fear, children in the equation meaning that it could be harder to leave. And so on and so forth.

But it happens. And if somebody is being cheated on repeatedly, they are either unlucky, or something else is in play.

Your junkie analogy doesn’t really work, as I guess you are talking about people addicted to drugs being called junkies, whereas whores are people who have sex for money, or who are unscrupulous in their moral standards.

Generalizing any woman who cheats, and calling them whores is a nasty thing to do.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, as I stand by what I say.

For what it’s worth - cheating = not good. Calling women who cheat whores = not good. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Then we shall agree to disagree as I too stand by what I say.

Sandor Clegane · 26-09-2020 11:51pm

People draw their own lines and have their own standards, some are content to be walked all over and be made a fool of. Its an individual choice.

In saying that binding commitments like marriage and kids can complicate things tremendously, making it more difficult to just walk, which is a nightmare not worth thinking about in my opinion.

I honestly never understood tying yourself to someone else, be it with marriage or with kids, these long term commitments just don't suit modern humans imo, people change and things sour so these things inevitably fall apart, sure you get exceptions but realistically in todays world things just don't last.

Potential-Monke · 27-09-2020 12:07am

As far as I'm aware, I've only been cheated on once. And it was just a kiss. But looking back, after 6 years together and this happens, and I tried to accept the apology (happened in a nightclub, we were both in very early 20's going out since 3rd year in secondary school, or something like that, she came straight home to tell me), we tried to move on, but I had lost all trust. Any time she wasn't beside me, or specifically if she went out without me, even to house parties or early day drinks/dinner, it played over and over in my mind. I lost all trust that night, but it took longer to realise this. I ended it within the next few months, we got back together for another few months after that but still couldn't trust her. We went our separate ways (and I went straight into another 7 year relationship).

I couldn't cheat, because I know how it feels and how it can affect you. In the subsequent relationship, I somehow found myself in a "it didn't happen/he's making it up" situation, where I had a position of power (Garda) and 2 women (young, like myself at the time) were victims of their crappy boyfriends breaking stuff because they were upset. A few months later I was out and met said 2 girls, who were with another girl. Spent the night talking, drinking, dancing, and ended up back at their place, completely oblivious to the (what I believe to be) intent behind it. Suddenly, while sitting on the couch I copped there was one sitting on one knee, another on the other knee, and one kneeling between my legs. I didn't cop it, because this stuff doesn't happen to me. I apologised and said I couldn't do anything, and they did seem disappointed, but understood and that was the end of the night (ok, there were some tears, because what man wouldn't cry when turning down a potential 4-some with 3 women!). I turned that down because I was in a relationship.

Hindsight is great, looking back I would have totally went for it knowing what I know now (relationship ended amicably a couple of years later as she wanted kids, I didn't, best to let her off to find the person who could/wanted to give her kids). But at the time I made the rig.. *cough* righ... *clears throat* right decision. I have never been in that situation again, and have trouble finding just 1 who wants to do something with me now, but still the right choice.

So, yeah, imo once the trust is broken it's not possible to fix it. No amount of forgivness can fix that, and while I think it's great that there are some out there who did forgive and all is rosy since, I'm not one of those people. Of course, it all depends on the person. Emma Watson, for example, can do whatever she likes as long as she comes home to me. But that'll never happen so...

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 1:03am

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

That's a bit of a stretch. Robbing, raping, beating, torturing, abusing, murdering, scamming, kidnapping, bullying would definitely be worse in my opinion.

And you sound like a bitter person. Yes whore and junkie are nasty demeaning words. Calling someone a bastard or a scumbag (nasty words too) is a bit different beause you are labelling someone who is a nasty fcuker with a term that fits their behaviour. But calling someone a whore because they cheated or a junkie because they have a drug problem just shows that you are vindictive. I don't need to cast judgement on someone because of their own weaknesses. I'm bigger than that.

Pherekydes · 27-09-2020 1:28am

My first wife cheated on me, but I would never call her a whore. Seems unconscionable to me.

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 1:34am

I was cheated on by a girl after about a year into the relationship. It crushed me but I stayed with her for a few more years. I just didn't want to admit defeat. It was a mistake. I should have ended the relationship and gone and had fun but I didn't. Instead I cheated on her several times. She found out about one fling I had and now she had the moral advantage. Our relationship sputtered along for a couple more months and then died. I moved country but still thought I'd somehow win her back. I even flew back and surprised her when she was leaving work and said I just wanted to meet for a drink. By this time she was with someone else but she agreed to the drink and we had a bit of a laugh. I guess I was just desperately clinging on to something that was dead. I suppose I'm weak in that sense. As if "how dare someone not want to be with me".

JustAThought · 27-09-2020 1:51am

I used hang out with a group and one of the girls in the grouo would literally go off with anyone within about 5 minutes (or less) of meeting them - no drink required - in a toilet, out back down a laneway, in her car - literlally aNy trousers that moved were fair game in her opinion. It was shocking to watch - she was then in her mid 30’s. I have never included her and her now husband in anything I now organise as I would be afraid of what she would do and wouldn’t like to ever have to answer any questions from him about her past/college days. I wonder if she magically changed when she started dating him or if ‘their’ children are even ‘his’. I’d never seen an adult slut in action before and I fear leopards really don’t change their spots, and just learn to hide better in the shadows.

Regarding cheating IF something happened once I wouldn’t want to know or be told. It would ruin the relationship and the trust and seed doubts that could never be reassured nor promised away. I would rather they live with their guilt and dirty secret and remorse that try and clean their conscience and make themselves the victim by asking for my ‘forgiveness’.

I can’t imagine how you could come back from it as a ‘trusting’ couple - nothing would ever be the same again. Personally I would be better not knowing - assuming it was ‘just’ a once. Especially if there were kids involved.

Friends husband cheated - otherwise lovely guy - her neighbour/friend told her - she threw him out and it has torn the faMily and kids apart. She has no income, no self esteem, is devestated and medicated and won’t have him back. He has begged her for years. She and her kids are now living on a pittance compared to their previous lifestyle as he went and bought a house so he would have a home for himself and for the kids to permanently stay & live over in. She dates in the internet and has one night stands and is miserable and loveless. He still works and is single - nobody won. She would have better off never knowing - and so would the kids.

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 2:23am

JustAThought wrote: »

I used hang out with a group and one of the girls in the grouo would literally go off with anyone within about 5 minutes (or less) of meeting them - no drink required - in a toilet, out back down a laneway, in her car - literlally aNy trousers that moved were fair game in her opinion. It was shocking to watch - she was then in her mid 30’s. I have never included her and her now husband in anything I now organise as I would be afraid of what she would do and wouldn’t like to ever have to answer any questions from him about her past/college days. I wonder if she magically changed when she started dating him or if ‘their’ children are even ‘his’. I’d never seen an adult slut in action before and I fear leopards really don’t change their spots, and just learn to hide better in the shadows.

Regarding cheating IF something happened once I wouldn’t want to know or be told. It would ruin the relationship and the trust and seed doubts that could never be reassured nor promised away. I would rather they live with their guilt and dirty secret and remorse that try and clean their conscience and make themselves the victim by asking for my ‘forgiveness’.

I can’t imagine how you could come back from it as a ‘trusting’ couple - nothing would ever be the same again. Personally I would be better not knowing - assuming it was ‘just’ a once. Especially if there were kids involved.

Friends husband cheated - otherwise lovely guy - her neighbour/friend told her - she threw him out and it has torn the faMily and kids apart. She has no income, no self esteem, is devestated and medicated and won’t have him back. He has begged her for years. She and her kids are now living on a pittance compared to their previous lifestyle as he went and bought a house so he would have a home for himself and for the kids to permanently stay & live over in. She dates in the internet and has one night stands and is miserable and loveless. He still works and is single - nobody won. She would have better off never knowing - and so would the kids.

That neighbour didn't do anybody any favours. She just told because she didn't want the burden of knowing and keeping it a secret. Sometimes you have to be stronger. I like to think that if the wife/girlfriend of a friend of mine cheated on him I wouldn't go running to him and spill the beans especially if there were children involved.

bassy · 27-09-2020 2:26am

Leg End Reject wrote: »

This is my view on it too.

Seeing as he's been mentioned, where is feg these days?

Riding some ones wife

Wibbs · 27-09-2020 11:19am

SnowyMay wrote: »

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

Nope, merely used a descriptive term. Whoremaster works for the male version.

Deleted User wrote: »

How do you know there are plenty of trustworthy people out there Wibbs?

Because I know and have known them. I know men and women that haven't cheated even with clear opportunities where the chances of being discovered were pretty much nil. I myself have never cheated and had opportunity and some real temptation when at the end of a relationship. I made a moral choice not to. While it has been my experience that cheating is pretty much identical between the sexes on the end of a relationship cheating front I have found women way more likely to do this and accept it as OK, often couched in BS excuses, but the reality for quite the number is they can't be single and want to grab the next branch before they let go of the previous one. I've known a few to hang onto both branches until they worked out which was the more advantageous for them. Often using the "I don't know how I feel" defence with both.

SnowyMay wrote: »

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

A nasty word for a nasty act and individual. Still works for me. I find it fascinating that you'd be out the door if you were called a whore faster than if they had abused you, the core of your relationship and trust, even increased the risk of you catching STD's. Remember the old kids trope, sticks and stones? Well cheating is a stick and a stone.

Never mind that I could never understand how being called something one is not can cause much beyond confusion. If someone called me a martian would I take issue? Of course not, because I'm not from Mars. The only spoken barbs that have ever stung had the ring of truth to them. That was their power. If there's no truth to the insult big whoop, beyond questioning why the hell someone, particularly someone close to me decided to fire something like that at me.

Kylta wrote: »

Name calling is all about social concept.
Why does the word whore upset a woman when she is called it? Yet when a man is called a whoremaster he is adored and idolised.

Likely down to basic differences in basic reproduction and resources sharing between the sexes. Right off the bat paternity. Until paternity testing came along men were never 100% sure of paternity, whereas a woman was 100% sure her child was hers, even if the father was an unknown. There's not exactly much call for a maternity tests. With the coming of the agricultural revolution and more resources and inheritance, paternity became more important as men didn't want to "waste" resources on another man's child. Hence the world religions that mostly sprang out of that revolution have been keen to make such things verboten. Now if a man cheats this can also bring "resource concerns" if the other woman has a child by him and thins the resources to the primary family, but both women are still 100% sure of their maternity. It's also more likely to kick off violence with the cuckolded male partner so no so good for society. Even the term cuckhold for a man(I can't recall if there's even a an equivalent in women?) has a very strong insult factor. Considering that genetically there are more female lines than male it seems this concern had some foundation. Lastly as far as sex goes women are in control of "access" to that to a much greater degree than men are, so it's essentially "easier" to be a whore than a whoremaster. Plus because of this "access" aspect a woman putting it about is going against the grain in many ways. Indeed throughout my life I've heard words like slut used more by women than men and coming from different angles.

Airbus507 · 27-09-2020 11:25am

Wibbs wrote: »

Nope, merely used a descriptive term. Whoremaster works for the male version.

Because I know and have known them. I know men and women that haven't cheated even with clear opportunities where the chances of being discovered were pretty much nil. I myself have never cheated and had opportunity and some real temptation when at the end of a relationship. I made a moral choice not to. While it has been my experience that cheating is pretty much identical between the sexes on the end of a relationship cheating front I have found women way more likely to do this and accept it as OK, often couched in BS excuses, but the reality for quite the number is they can't be single and want to grab the next branch before they let go of the previous one. I've known a few to hang onto both branches until they worked out which was the more advantageous for them. Often using the "I don't know how I feel" defence with both.

A nasty word for a nasty act and individual. Still works for me. I find it fascinating that you'd be out the door if you were called a whore faster than if they had abused you, the core of your relationship and trust, even increased the risk of you catching STD's. Remember the old kids trope, sticks and stones? Well cheating is a stick and a stone.

Never mind that I could never understand how being called something one is not can cause much beyond confusion. If someone called me a martian would I take issue? Of course not, because I'm not from Mars. The only spoken barbs that have ever stung had the ring of truth to them. That was their power. If there's no truth to the insult big whoop, beyond questioning why the hell someone, particularly someone close to me decided to fire something like that at me.

Likely down to basic differences in basic reproduction and resources sharing between the sexes. Right off the bat paternity. Until paternity testing came along men were never 100% sure of paternity, whereas a woman was 100% sure her child was hers, even if the father was an unknown. There's not exactly much call for a maternity tests. With the coming of the agricultural revolution and more resources and inheritance, paternity became more important as men didn't want to "waste" resources on another man's child. Hence the world religions that mostly sprang out of that revolution have been keen to make such things verboten. Now if a man cheats this can also bring "resource concerns" if the other woman has a child by him and thins the resources to the primary family, but both women are still 100% sure of their maternity. It's also more likely to kick off violence with the cuckolded male partner so no so good for society. Even the term cuckhold for a man(I can't recall if there's even a an equivalent in women?) has a very strong insult factor. Considering that genetically there are more female lines than male it seems this concern had some foundation. Lastly as far as sex goes women are in control of "access" to that to a much greater degree than men are, so it's essentially "easier" to be a whore than a whoremaster. Plus because of this "access" aspect a woman putting it about is going against the grain in many ways. Indeed throughout my life I've heard words like slut used more by women than men and coming from different angles.

Superb post, cuts right through the bull****.

27-09-2020 11:28am

Wibbs, what's your honest opinion on this scenario...a group of say 30 men aged 30 to 65 ish go on a weekend away abroad for a stag/ event ,a cross section from all walks of life, a similar group of women do the same thing, do you think a similar % of cheating would go on in both groups, be honest?ðŸ˜›

SnowyMay · 27-09-2020 11:57am

Wibbs wrote: »

Nope, merely used a descriptive term. Whoremaster works for the male version.

Does “Whoremaster” work for the male version? I don’t think so.

In fact, it was mentioned on thread that this is a word which would inspire respect. I don’t agree, but it doesn’t have the levity of “Whore”. Would you agree?

Wibbs wrote: »

A nasty word for a nasty act and individual. Still works for me. I find it fascinating that you'd be out the door if you were called a whore faster than if they had abused you, the core of your relationship and trust, even increased the risk of you catching STD's. Remember the old kids trope, sticks and stones? Well cheating is a stick and a stone.

If I was with somebody who thought it was acceptable to call me a whore, I would be gone. What are they trying to achieve other than to hurt? That is an action with no other purpose than to cause pain and undermine a person. That is anger, pure and simple. At least with cheating they will get their rocks off.

Cheating - whilst bad, bad, bad isn’t somebody necessarily trying to cause hurt. It’s awful, but it can happen in a moment of madness, (or for reasons as set out above) and can destroy a relationship, but it is the cheater doing something, and not deliberately trying to blame or insult their partner in a horrible way.

Wibbs wrote: »

If someone called me a martian would I take issue? Of course not, because I'm not from Mars.

I would also not take issue with being called a Martian. Unless things have changed, it’s not an insult. In fact, in the right context, it could be a compliment.

Being called a whore though doesn’t have the same flexibility. And I am talking here about your context and use.

Wibbs wrote: »

Lastly as far as sex goes women are in control of "access" to that to a much greater degree than men are, so it's essentially "easier" to be a whore than a whoremaster.

I have to say, this is a weird argument.

Women can go out and hook up pretty much any time they want, because men are willing and available!

Men can’t do the same anytime they want because women aren’t so available.

I haven’t responded to all of the points in your post as it was a very long post. But, if there is anything else, I’m more than willing to discuss.

Wibbs · 27-09-2020 11:58am

Deleted User wrote: »

Wibbs, what's your honest opinion on this scenario...a group of say 30 men aged 30 to 65 ish go on a weekend away abroad for a stag/ event ,a cross section from all walks of life, a similar group of women do the same thing, do you think a similar % of cheating would go on in both groups, be honest?��

No D. In that particular scenario and that age group I'd generally expect more cheating in the men.

Just in my experience mind you, I have found women's cheating generally tends to be more local, domestic and more one on one involved and often more about finding a way out of a current relationship, even if not with the bit on the side. He may merely provide the confirmation and push that the old relationship is fully over.

That's beyond early adulthood anyway. In the 20's with a weekend or holiday away from partners it would be more equal. Having gone on one such getaway with friends of both sexes in my late twenties the cheating where it occurred was pretty much equally divided between the men and women. How they framed the cheating was interesting. The men were more bragging about a bit of skirt, the women more guarded and more likely to pretend it didn't happen to the point of blocking it from their heads. More of a what goes on on holiday, stays on holiday. The ditzy eat, pray, love types were a charm for this. They're more likely to have a "Moment" with Sven from Sweden in the dunes of a night, rather than pulling the tipsy blonde bird from Dagenham and having a leg trembler in the hotel car park.

I'd reckon the differences are often down to opportunity. IE a married man with kids at say 35 is more free to play away than a married woman with kids at 35. Simply because the woman is generally busier. Plus and generally speaking while a woman at 20 has more options than a man at 20, that tends more to reverse as people age. Particularly if the guy is even half way successful in life.

27-09-2020 12:06pm

I agree with your reply but let's call a spade a spade, by cheating I'm really referring to paying for it rather than randomly meeting up with someone, of that hypothetical group of men what % would you predict go for that option?

27-09-2020 12:10pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I agree with your reply but let's call a spade a spade, by cheating I'm really referring to paying for it rather than randomly meeting up with someone, of that hypothetical group of men what % would you predict go for that option?

What does paying for it have to do with cheating?..

Wibbs · 27-09-2020 12:15pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Does “Whoremaster” work for the male version? I don’t think so.

In fact, it was mentioned on thread that this is a word which would inspire respect. I don’t agree, but it doesn’t have the levity of “Whore”. Would you agree?

Depends on the audience it seems. If I were to called a whoremaster and if it was accurate it would expose me to question my behavior. As indeed it did. If I wasn't? Big whoop. Like I say the barbs that sting have the ring of truth to them, or should.

If I was with somebody who thought it was acceptable to call me a whore, I would be gone. What are they trying to achieve other than to hurt? That is an action with no other purpose than to cause pain and undermine a person. That is anger, pure and simple. At least with cheating they will get their rocks off.

Cheating - whilst bad, bad, bad isn’t somebody necessarily trying to cause hurt. It’s awful, but it can happen in a moment of madness, (or for reasons as set out above) and can destroy a relationship, but it is the cheater doing something, and not deliberately trying to blame or insult their partner in a horrible way.

And this is where we fundamentally differ. And again back to sticks and stones. A spoken word insult can come from a moment of madness too and the damage is all in the head of the insulted. An action, rather a series of discrete actions that leads to sexual involvement with someone other than your partner is far more involved and far more "planned" with many more steps before it happens. Unless someone works on the principle of it "just happened". Like this:

Put it another way S, I could insult you call you a "whore" right now on this thread and all it took were a few keystrokes. We can't exchange illicit texts, meet up for "drinks" and do the beast with two backs, behind your partner's back. Cheating requires far more intent than speaking a word.

I have to say, this is a weird argument.

Women can go out and hook up pretty much any time they want, because men are willing and available!

Men can’t do the same anytime they want because women aren’t so available.

Well, exactly and hence it's easier to be whore than a whoremaster. I don't see the confusion. It's not a value judgement on either sex, merely a reflection of the realities. Just like noting that there are significantly more women prostitutes servicing men than male gigolos servicing women. There are fundamental gender differences at play here. In essence eggs are more precious and in shorter supply than sperm.

27-09-2020 12:19pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What does paying for it have to do with cheating?..

I just get the impression that people seem to think that women are equally likely to cheat as men, in my personal experience I don't believe that, not saying they don't but not as much imo, I asked a question about 2 hypothetical groups and the likelihood of cheating in whatever form that may be, paying, random pick up etc...what part don't you understand?

Forgiving/Unforgiving

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