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2021 Bride/Groom

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    #212
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Some people have been dismissive regarding weddings and see them as a frivolous thing in comparison to the overall covid situation. I don't share this view. Its a momentous occasion in a person's life and while the actual marriage part is the most important, there is a lot of symbolism in the rest of the day.

    I decided early on that I wanted the whole shebang. Hair and makeup done, bridesmaids, music during the ceremony, etc. On the surface it seems shallow but for someone who never ever thought she would see the day, its means a lot.

    In saying all that I think Covid means some expectations will have to be managed for our own sanity, especially if you have already cancelled or postponed. Woodchuck would you consider a different type of day entirely?

    If you scale it right back and set the tone to match a small and intimate wedding it could be really beautiful. The website One Fab Day have loads of features on couples who had very small weddings and they are lovely. Now some of them had ginormous houses and gardens but sure lookit. I got ideas for our own wedding if what we hope for doesn't happen.


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    #213
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Deleted User wrote: »
    In saying all that I think Covid means some expectations will have to be managed for our own sanity, especially if you have already cancelled or postponed. Woodchuck would you consider a different type of day entirely?

    If you scale it right back and set the tone to match a small and intimate wedding it could be really beautiful. The website One Fab Day have loads of features on couples who had very small weddings and they are lovely. Now some of them had ginormous houses and gardens but sure lookit. I got ideas for our own wedding if what we hope for doesn't happen.

    The thing is, we only ever wanted a small intimate wedding. We've booked a restaurant that specialises in small/medium weddings, does really good food and has a chilled vibe particularly for that reason. All I wanted was to have a low key kind of day with my nearest and dearest (but looking good while doing it :P). I never had any interest in any of the more extravagant venues like castles etc or having a big crowd or any of the bells and whistles like candycarts etc. We're not even having a band, just a DJ, and that's more for our guests than ourselves. I'm not sure how else to scale it down? 50 people would be perfect. It would be difficult to scale it down any more than that without cutting out close family or close friends that we really want there and/or their partners. If the restrictions mean we need to cut it down to 25 though, we'll do that (or postpone again if there are significant safety concerns).

    It's always been really important to me to have our close family and friends there. So it's very hurtful that my immediate family aren't supportive and can't even confirm if they're going to attend.

    I think if my parents had their way, they'd want just to have a meal just the two of us and the two sets of parents. But honestly, that's not a celebration to me. I've never ever been one to celebrate anything in my life (never had a 21st etc), but I damn well want something more than just a meal with 4 other people on my wedding day! I know it sounds dramatic, but I'd prefer to postpone indefinitely if that's the alternative. I don't want to look back on my wedding day with disappointment and be reminded of what a let down it was every time we go to another wedding. I know we all need to adjust our expectations, but if weddings of 50 people are allowed go ahead, then that's what I want.

    I know I'm stressed about the logistics too (hair, makeup, transport etc), but that's just because I'm a planner and the lack of control is really getting to me. Not that those things are particularly important, I know. It's just that all the little things add up to a massive ball of stress.


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    #214
    Weepsie
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 19,824 Mod ✭✭✭✭Weepsie


    I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.


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    #215
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Weepsie wrote: »
    I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.

    The problem is, I may not have any of my immediate family in that group of 25. They'd be invited of course, but I don't know if they'll actually come :(

    I think part of my problem is that I feel that the decision is totally out of my hands. I don't want to go ahead without my immediate family, but they refuse to comment on whether or not they'll come until much closer to the time. So I have no idea if I should plough ahead with the planning or just call it all off.


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    #216
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    It sounds like it's more of a family issue than a pandemic issue really. I suspect you are a bit like me, somehow got the label of being easy pleased or happy with no fuss and so when you are finally being assertive about what you want, they don't know what to do with it.

    I've a similar dynamic with my parents and usually find that other people's wants and needs get prioritised over mine. That's fine, I'm easy going. But I did butt heads over my wedding. And I know that they are probably thinking it's a bridezilla element creeping in but honestly, it's not - it's just me prioritising what we want for our wedding day and not rolling over and doing what someone else wants for a change. For one example, a sibling invited her boyfriend and his kids to the wedding off her own bat, and plans on installing them at my mother's house. Didn't even mention it to me, I only found out in passing. That means that as the bride, I can't stay in the family home prior to the wedding. Now, I'm used to being the last in the queue - I'm usually the one on the air bed in the living room when everyone goes home but ffs, some casual boyfriends' kids that we've never met gets priority over the bride? I asked my mother if I was supposed to sleep in a tent outside and she went quiet - she just didn't consider me, as is usual but this time it kind of stung.

    There were other smaller things where plans and arrangements were made and telling me was an afterthought only for them to be all shocked when I say "actually, that won't be possible, I've already planned X" and it's just because they aren't used to me making plans that center me (and OH) and not rearranging everything to suit them.

    The wedding for quite a few in my family is more about a family get-together for them rather than celebrating me getting married. Luckily not all of my family are like that, but I do know that I'll have a few more clashes closer to the time with those select few.


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    #217
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Neyite wrote: »
    It sounds like it's more of a family issue than a pandemic issue really. I suspect you are a bit like me, somehow got the label of being easy pleased or happy with no fuss and so when you are finally being assertive about what you want, they don't know what to do with it.

    I've a similar dynamic with my parents and usually find that other people's wants and needs get prioritised over mine.

    Yeah you're probably right. My needs have NEVER come first in my family. I guess getting married, I assumed that would change for this one occasion :rolleyes: Even before the pandemic, it somehow became all about my sister. Just as an example, my Dad offered to give my sister a lift home after the ceremony (social anxiety so didn't want to stay for the whole day). Nevermind the fact that I might want my Dad to stick around after the ceremony for photos etc.

    The problem is, their health obviously IS more important than my wedding. I get that, I do. But I still need a straight answer as to whether or not they'll attend so I know whether or not to continue planning. Any time I talked to them about it before I just get answers like "We'll see what the numbers are closer to the time" or "Of course we'll be there... but we might not stay long" :rolleyes:


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    #218
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    When are you getting married Woodchuck?


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    #219
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    When are you getting married Woodchuck?

    May. So we still have some to make a decision, but obviously not hopeful that all of our guests would be vaccinated by then.


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    #220
    JayRoc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    Neyite wrote: »
    a sibling invited her boyfriend and his kids to the wedding off her own bat, and plans on installing them at my mother's house. Didn't even mention it to me, I only found out in passing. .

    I don't understand this bit. Did your sister not tell you that her fella's kids would be taking up space in the family home?

    Or did she actually invite children to someone else's wedding without telling them? If it's the latter (and I know it's easy for a randomer on the internet to say this but) she needs to be told to uninvite them and cop herself on.

    Edit: I've re-read your post and it definitely seems to say your sister invited people to your wedding without telling you or your other half. This is bonkers...where would they sit during the meal, when were you to have found out?

    Were you not furious when you were told?


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    #221
    JayRoc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    Weepsie wrote: »
    I found cutting it to 50 hard. Cutting it to 25 was easy though. Close family and only the very , very closest or oldest of friends. It's a pandemic. People are not offended. If they are, they are not worth having there in the first place. There were loads of more people we wanted there, and who would have come too, but these are the times we're in unfortunately.

    The first and easiest way of cutting numbers is to not have plus ones for people. Close friends will understand. If they don't maybe they aren't really close friends tbh.


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    #222
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    woodchuck wrote: »
    May. So we still have some to make a decision, but obviously not hopeful that all of our guests would be vaccinated by then.


    Your posts show that you feel like your day isn't important to the people you love and that's very hurtful. I don't like the word 'triggered' but that's what might be happening with you. Covid has thrown all the issues in to the spotlight. If it wasn't a pandemic it may very well have been something else.

    This isn't about your wedding its about how you feel towards your family and the dynamics that exist between you all.

    This is what I would do; I'd concentrate on me and my fiancé doing what's right for us. I'd remind myself that the people I want at my wedding are also the people causing me stress. So if Dad wants to drop my sister home afterwards then grand. The happiness of my day won't be dependent on any of that. Instead it will be about how my fiancé and I feel.

    There are times in our lives when we need to think about ourselves and I think Woodchuck yours has come :)


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    #223
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    JayRoc wrote: »
    I don't understand this bit. Did your sister not tell you that her fella's kids would be taking up space in the family home?

    Or did she actually invite children to someone else's wedding without telling them? If it's the latter (and I know it's easy for a randomer on the internet to say this but) she needs to be told to uninvite them and cop herself on.

    Edit: I've re-read your post and it definitely seems to say your sister invited people to your wedding without telling you or your other half. This is bonkers...where would they sit during the meal, when were you to have found out?

    Were you not furious when you were told?
    Both, she invited extras to the wedding plus she said they would be staying at my mother's house - 2 adults and 5 teens.
    There was no point in getting furious as it's very much an on- off relationship so was likely to be off at the time of the wedding, and I did postpone a year so I've loads of time to make it clear it's a family only wedding. Not my problem if she looks like a tit for inviting strangers :D


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    #224
    JayRoc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    Neyite wrote: »
    Both, she invited extras to the wedding plus she said they would be staying at my mother's house - 2 adults and 5 teens.
    There was no point in getting furious as it's very much an on- off relationship so was likely to be off at the time of the wedding, and I did postpone a year so I've loads of time to make it clear it's a family only wedding. Not my problem if she looks like a tit for inviting strangers :D

    Sorry. My mind is just blown that someone could have the effrontery to invite people to another person's wedding.


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    #225
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    https://www.rte.ie/news/2020/1222/1185888-cabinet-covid-19/

    It's looking like the number of wedding guest will be reduced to six from 2 January :(


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    #226
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?


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    #227
    nikpmup
    Registered Users Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭nikpmup


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

    We're booked for August 13th.... we have the feeling that we might be pushing it back to oct/Nov or even early 2022


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    #228
    Michellenman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,195 ✭✭✭✭Michellenman


    We had option to postpone to November 2021 or April 2022.

    We had chose 2022 because at that point there was no vaccine announcement but if there had been a vaccine announced i would feel confident in the latter half of 2021 personally.


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    #229
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    It's very difficult to call right now. I'm trying to be optimistic for at least 50 guests come summer and then 100 in Autumn. It's not just the numbers allowed though, its the quality of the day. I don't want my guests nervous and I'd rather not walk down the aisle wearing a mask.

    If we wait until Spring to postpone then the likelihood of securing a Jan 2022 date will be unlikely. Many of us are in the same position. The uncertainty is hard.


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    #230
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

    Realistically I think there will be restrictions to some extent throughout 2021. You'd hope that they'd ease off later in the year though with more people getting vaccinated. You'd really need a crystal ball though, because who knows what curve balls this pandemic will throw up next.

    Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, but I don't have any interest in going ahead with a wedding atm. The fun has been totally sucked out of it. Even if we manage to have a small wedding, I'll be on tender hooks worrying about an outbreak for the whole day and 2 weeks afterwards. And I can't see hen parties and honeymoons being the norm again for some time.

    I'm very tempted just to do the legal part in a pair of jeans, 2 random witnesses, no mushy stuff and just have it over and done with.


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    #231
    meercat
    Registered Users Posts: 4,726 ✭✭✭meercat


    Just came across this thread and I want to encourage anyone with wedding plans to proceed if possible. My daughter got married on December 28th with 25 guests allowed. Despite all the ups and downs in the weeks and months preceding the event,it was the best day ever (I know I’m biased).the venue were brilliant and both bride and groom had time to spend with each guest. It made for an extra special day. I understand how much time and effort everyone is putting into your big day so can I wish you all the very best for your future lives together.


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    #232
    cazzer22
    Registered Users Posts: 501 ✭✭✭cazzer22


    meercat wrote: »
    Just came across this thread and I want to encourage anyone with wedding plans to proceed if possible. My daughter got married on December 28th with 25 guests allowed. Despite all the ups and downs in the weeks and months preceding the event,it was the best day ever (I know I’m biased).the venue were brilliant and both bride and groom had time to spend with each guest. It made for an extra special day. I understand how much time and effort everyone is putting into your big day so can I wish you all the very best for your future lives together.[/quote

    You're so sweet to post here and post your experience. Thank you and so glad your daughter had an amazing day. Thank you for the positivity ❤️


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    #233
    DulchieLaois
    Registered Users Posts: 466 ✭✭DulchieLaois


    salad_man wrote: »
    Getting Married March'21

    Have Venue and Celebrant booked only but in hot pursuit of Photographer and Band

    Any photographer recommendations appreciated

    Greg Kociela, based in newbridge , travels anywhere , IG studio photography on Facebook


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    #234
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users Posts: 20,519 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    We have our Ceremony booked for the end of September but still afraid to book a venue for the dinner and afters ,
    Its impossible to know what to be looking for a venues for 25 or 50 or 120 ?
    No idea what we will be allowed and the number will dictate what venue we go for,


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    #235
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    yourdeadwright wrote: »
    We have our Ceremony booked for the end of September but still afraid to book a venue for the dinner and afters ,
    Its impossible to know what to be looking for a venues for 25 or 50 or 120 ?
    No idea what we will be allowed and the number will dictate what venue we go for,

    It's very difficult to predict, but it would still be worthwhile trying to find a venue if you're keen to go ahead in September. Look for venues that are flexible e.g. somewhere that can normally accommodation 100 guests or more, but would also be willing to go ahead with 25 or 50 guests if there are still restrictions in place.


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    #236
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users Posts: 20,519 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    woodchuck wrote: »
    It's very difficult to predict, but it would still be worthwhile trying to find a venue if you're keen to go ahead in September. Look for venues that are flexible e.g. somewhere that can normally accommodation 100 guests or more, but would also be willing to go ahead with 25 or 50 guests if there are still restrictions in place.

    My issues is some where that normally accommodates 100 guests just won't look the same with 25 people in it ,

    Its tough call for everyone I guess,
    We'd really like to go ahead and get married this year but at the same time you only plan to do it once so we want it to be exactly how we imagined , if that makes sense,


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    #237
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    yourdeadwright wrote: »
    We'd really like to go ahead and get married this year but at the same time you only plan to do it once so we want it to be exactly how we imagined , if that makes sense,

    I get you! To be honest, if you want it to be exactly how you imagined, then I don't know if 2021 will be the year for that :(

    I still don't know what to do. The OH is more optimistic than me and wants to take a "wait and see" approach until mid-March (due to get married mid-May). But I keep telling him that I can't just wait and see - there's still a lot that needs to be done if we want to get married in May and I don't want to waste my time working on all that stuff if we only have a 50/50 shot of going ahead! In particular, I'd want to start making appointments for dress alterations and actively trying to lose weight again starting now. I don't want to kill myself staying indoors at lunchtime doing exercise classes, especially since in my mind we've already postponed again :rolleyes: And even aside from the wedding itself, I wouldn't be able to have a low key hen like I wanted (just dinner and karaoke, didn't think it was too much to hope for :rolleyes:) or have a proper honeymoon (we love to travel).

    I'm in a couple of wedding groups on facebook and it's full of brides who have gotten married recently, talking about how wonderfully magical their day was and if anyone isn't sure about going ahead that they should just do it. But everyone's circumstances are different. I know myself if I go ahead, I won't have the support of my family. It's also very easy to say how amazing the day was in hindsight when nobody got sick from it - all it takes is one person to have it and it could spread like wildfire. I really don't want that on my conscience and I think it would be very selfish of me to ask my family and friends to put themselves in that position.


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    #238
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I was already having a small number of guests so that didn't change my venue/ overall idea of the day, but many live in the UK, and most are 70+ years of age so either would not risk coming, or come at great risk to themselves.

    The options I thought would work for us is - plan for our planned day for July 2021, but if there's still restrictions that will affect that then we'll just elope with witnesses and a priest. If we were planning on more guests then to avoid the head-wreck for the next year I'd plan it for 2022 altogether.

    We got engaged years ago but money was way too tight for us for several years due to childcare costs to even put together a small wedding, so we put it off. And finally when we did have the means to do the small wedding we wanted Covid happens so part of me is annoyed that if I am going to have to get married in my jeans on a Wednesday lunchtime and go straight back home, I could have bloody well done that in 2013 you know?


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    #239
    Pink11
    Registered Users Posts: 723 ✭✭✭Pink11


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Does anyone getting married in the latter end of 2021 feel that restrictions of some sort will still be in place?

    We are August.
    I had been very optimistic and maybe it's just the general doom and gloom at the moment but for the first time, we're now considering getting a back up date for next year.


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    #240
    AppleD
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭AppleD


    we are April, so so hard to know what to do. As long as we could have 50 we would go ahead but when do we call it. Its so hard to know.


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    #241
    salad_man
    Registered Users Posts: 43 ✭salad_man


    AppleD wrote: »
    we are April, so so hard to know what to do. As long as we could have 50 we would go ahead but when do we call it. Its so hard to know.

    We are last weekend in March and similarly would be happy with 50. Current circumstances certainly make you feel a bit less optimistic but i am hopeful by the time March/April come around we will be passed the worst of restrictions


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