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17-08-2018, 22:42   #1
bobsman
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Struggling with my best friend's terminal illness

Hi folks, my oldest and dearest friend has lung cancer. Stage 4. She was diagnosed 7 months ago. She is receiving palliative radiotherapy and starting an immunotherapy drug.

She is trying to stay positive and I'm doing the practical stuff with her, helping with kids, practical stuff, etc. But I see her weaken each day.

I cannot imagine my life without her but I know that day will come.

I have dealt with many blows in my lifetime (she has always been my support). I just don't know how to deal with this one.

Thanks for reading folks. Helps to write it down
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17-08-2018, 22:45   #2
Lisha
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Oh my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry.

I wish I could help
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17-08-2018, 23:02   #3
muminpajamas
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Originally Posted by bobsman View Post
Hi folks, my oldest and dearest friend has lung cancer. Stage 4. She was diagnosed 7 months ago. She is receiving palliative radiotherapy and starting an immunotherapy drug.

She is trying to stay positive and I'm doing the practical stuff with her, helping with kids, practical stuff, etc. But I see her weaken each day.

I cannot imagine my life without her but I know that day will come.

I have dealt with many blows in my lifetime (she has always been my support). I just don't know how to deal with this one.

Thanks for reading folks. Helps to write it down
Sorry to hear about your friend. I have terminal cancer too and it can be a very lonely place. It's great that she has someone like you in her life to support her and her kids. You can't do much more than try and focus on living day to day and grab hold of whatever happiness comes your way. It made me cry to read your post.
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17-08-2018, 23:20   #4
bobsman
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Sorry to hear about your friend. I have terminal cancer too and it can be a very lonely place. It's great that she has someone like you in her life to support her and her kids. You can't do much more than try and focus on living day to day and grab hold of whatever happiness comes your way. It made me cry to read your post.
Oh god, I'm so sorry. How do you cope day by day? If you don't mind me asking. I'm torn up that my friend is tormented when she has time alone. She is so strong and positive.
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20-08-2018, 16:43   #5
muminpajamas
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Oh god, I'm so sorry. How do you cope day by day? If you don't mind me asking. I'm torn up that my friend is tormented when she has time alone. She is so strong and positive.
My apologies for the slow reply. I try to plan fun things to do so I have something to look forward to in the future. As you know already this can be difficult if you are on treatment as exhaustion levels can be high. I wrote a bucket list. Some of the things on it were ridiculous like climbing Kilimanjaro (probably wouldn't even if healthy) and some were cheap and simple like walking around the streets of Dublin, one last time, on a sunny day. Well today I went for a long walk through a part of Dublin I've never been to before. No sunshine but that's Ok, maybe on another day, energy levels permitting.

I try to read as much as possible but I find myself getting bored really easily, ditto for any hobbies. Daytime TV is to be avoided. I despise it. I'm toying with learning a second language. The thing about terminal cancer is it starts to become your identity and it will torment you if you let it. I would give anything to just be cancer free for even 5 minutes.

Sorry I don't have more advice I would just tell her to try and keep busy even with silly things. When I was on chemo and was in bed a lot I bought a really complicated picture puzzle to kill the boredom. This is not what I would normally be into but just perfect when I had "chemo brain". Also, I gave mindfulness a try and art therapy. Mindfulness was good and you do this anywhere even away from the group I attended. I would give it 3/5 stars. It works better for some people though so worth a shot. Art therapy was excellent but I had to stop going as I was too tired. I might try again though.

Playing with my dog also helps even if it is just rolling a ball down the hallway of my house. I know when an activity is taking my mind off my illness as i might go an hour or more without thinking "cancer". I totally sympathise with your friend as cancer is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. It is very easy to become tormented when alone. Wishing you and her all the best, and much peace and happiness.
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