Short Movie (7 pages) Feedback please

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Anything but dialogue should read like notes to the director. If you give notes to actors be very specific.

Set the scene like you would describe it to a scene director or set director. How would someone storyboard this?



If you need an inky black door make a note to the set director. Be aware this isn't always going to possible. Your actress could be staring into a green door.
You don't need to describe the door to your actors or the audience. It's there.

You do need to say 'she shivers etc'. But bear in mind this is also direction. And the director or the actress might decide not to do it.



You can say this to actors etc. And ask them in auditions to do it. I have been asked to do some odd things in auditions.

Bear in mind again this is more like notes to a director. The reason for this is he is likely the only one to know what the lighting the set if its actually going to be an inky door or a black door in the end. And he has to fit into all that the actors performance with the set the camera angles etc.

The other thing is ...there are holes. Where did she get the scissors?

Also




Think of the image you wish in your head. And describe it logically to the director and actor. Describe the technical specifications of the frame you want the lighting you want.

Camera cuts to close up of Kate's face. Kate slowly draws her jaw down while screaming. Her eyes are drawn wide.

Also what kind of shot is going to be used?

Basic Camera directions are something every screenwriter should know.

For example the end shot showing the medication bottle could be a POV shot. The director and actors will know what you mean. Its a shot that usually goes from the character to a thing the character is looking at then back to them for a reaction. Its showing the character's points of view. There are lots of ways of doing it. The above is a bit simple. Obv a camerman and a director will understand how to do one better than me or you. But there are lots of different ways they can be done. You also need to do an insert for both the scissors and the medication bottle. An insert is a shot that focuses on a certain detail. But you have to make them artistic. Like an insert on a cigarette could show smoke going up a certain dramatic way. Or the scissors insert could be inspired by a painting.

Look at still life with scissors by christina clare.
https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/still-life-with-scissors-christina-clare.jpg

Or your insert could contain a SHADOW of the scissors on the wall just behind the scissors. That resembles the shadow creature you showed before.

Your insert of the medication bottle could have the bottle rolling to and fro.


Instead of saying 'An unspecified amount of time passes'. Just say 'dissolved to'. The director and cameraman will know what you mean.


Also as well as saying fade out at the end. You are supposed write a fade in at the beginning.

You might also need to do' an angle on' shot for when bill runs in at the end. That is another shot from another angle of a scene that has just been done. The angle on would be what bill sees.

You have to think in terms of camera angles etc. Giving information that way to actors is going to be much more useful to them.

Camera has its own storytelling. Trained actors will know and understand camera direction.

Just a note on insert shots ...they are the one thing can make something look really weird if you don't do them and also the thing that if done wrong look odd. You have to make them fit in with consistent lighting and artistry. The bottle has to look as if its part of a murder scene even if in a real murder scene it would look normal. The scissors too ..but don't be unnecessarily gory.

While directors don't like to be told what to do. They need to be often. Screenplays need Camera directions.

Also regarding researching schizophrenia etc ...might be a good idea. Why does she need to have schizophrenia?