Marriage House Ownership Trouble?!? (Mod note in first post)

CelticRambler · 26-08-2019 12:42pm

mossyob wrote: »

I totally misjudged the costs of doing this and had to max credit cards, use savings and get credit union loan.

Im thinking of the worst case scenario especially when Im not in a great financial position after finishing the house. We will get joint loan for wedding

WTF?

Following this thread from the beginning, I was reluctant to jump on the bandwagon of people hoisting red flags about your fiancé. Now it looks like she's the one who should be on here asking for advice, because it sounds like you don't know how to manage your money, and she'd be right to be worried that you'll leave her high and dry.

If you're "not in a great financial position" why on earth would you go borrowing money for a party?

mossyob · 26-08-2019 1:41pm

Apologies when I said poor financial position I meant little savings as all renovation loans/cards just cleared, we have started joint account for wedding savings so looking at a small loan which we will pay off straight away

Anna2834 · 26-08-2019 1:52pm

OP - I get what you are saying about being cautions, however they say "for better or worse". I'm myself getting married soon and he has a property he owns but has a very small mortgage on it, where I bought a house but have my mum on the mortgage, the deeds are solely in my name (not sure that makes much of a difference really). The parents live in the house + me but I live between the two houses in fairness.

So what my fiancee decided to do is sell his house, which he will make about €150.000 of a profit, bought it at a very very low price. He wants to sell it and buy a property with me (we can't flip my own property for another 4/5 years until my parents retire back to where I am from).

When that happens we will probably either rent it out or sell it (we see it as a small pot that might help us later or might not) we shall decide when we get to that stage.

If my fiancee would have asked, well I am putting €150.000 into the new house, what are you bringing to the table?.... well I would probably say I am putting my neck on the line again for another loan...he hasn't said that just YET. But then again he is very cautious with his money, even if I earn considerably more than him.

You are just being cautious and there's nothing wrong with that, however it seems that there is another side to this story. Talk to her...you two are the only ones who know what is going on. But please seeing she is the one have a conversation with her. It's so hard nowadays to find someone decent, so if you have found that special person don't let them go. And remember there will be so many stories out there about people who's relationships haven't worked out and are having financial issues - God I know a few myself, but they are not you and you are not them.

Congratulations on your wedding, have a fantastic day.

KyussB · 26-08-2019 2:03pm

Potential for serious life-altering harm here, OP. It doesn't matter how great your partner is now, if you don't talk it all through and get the balance of things officially written down on paper with a solicitor, then your previously great and closest partner, can end up fucking you over more than your worst enemy ever could.

It happens all the time, and money plus disagreements over entitlements, can do viciously odd things to people and relationships - don't expect your partner to be remotely rational, get it all agreed and written down with a solicitor.

Don't use a loan to pay for a wedding, either - that is fucking reckless as hell - the world economy is on the cusp of recession and Brexit is coming, better hope your job isn't affected...

Don't ever go into debt when you don't have to. Houses are for living in, treating them as investments is what led to ruin a decade ago - your managing your finances and investment decisions recklessly.

Anna2834 · 26-08-2019 2:09pm

I agree with KyussB on this....have a small wedding, no need for a lot of drama...

"Don't use a loan to pay for a wedding, either - that is ****ing reckless as hell - the world economy is on the cusp of recession and Brexit is coming, better hope your job isn't affected.."

City Hall have some fantastic offers...and you definitely don't need a loan for that.

SusanC10 · 26-08-2019 2:12pm

Pre-nups are not enforceable in Ireland so little point in going to that expense. That being said no harm in getting legal advice before you get married.

love_love · 26-08-2019 2:21pm

Not much to add that hasn't already been said. Marriage is a legal contract. Taking the romance out of it, are you in a position to enter into this legal contract with your partner?

pc7 · 26-08-2019 3:21pm

Can I ask why she only pays €50 a week for shopping and you pay everything else? Does she work? What does she do with her money? Surely she has savings if her only outgoing is €50 a week!

Keco · 26-08-2019 5:38pm

Everything’s half hers once you get married anyway doesn’t matter what the deeds say.

cannotlogin · 26-08-2019 10:38pm

When you look at something with rose tinted glasses, all of the big red flags staring you in the face just look like bunting!

You are not in a great financial situation, yet she only pays €50 a week to cover bills. How does she not have enough savings to cover the cost of the wedding?

It looks like her money is her own and your money is joint funds. Are you happy to have spend a life time funding this cost centre?

I know every couple has their own view on finances but this is one of the most extremely cases of inequity I've heard, especially before kids or marriage. I would just be concerned that your being taken for a ride, how does she justify her lack of financial contribution or more importantly when she think she should have half the rent money knowing you are strained financially?

[Deleted User] · 27-08-2019 12:37am

If she is only contributing 50 per week where is the rest of her money going? Does she work?

JustMe,K · 27-08-2019 1:17pm

Can I move in with you? €50 a week on shopping and no other expenses is a sweet deal!

Joking aside, if you are looking to buy an investment property together then that would indicate your gf is working or at least has access to money. I cant understand how with such low expenses you would need to take out a loan for the wedding, as your gf should be able to pay a lot towards it (unless she has lots of debt built up that she might be paying down).
Is it the case that your gf is unwilling to contribute more because she feels she has no rights to the property if she does, and thats why she is asking to go on the deeds?

Dial Hard · 28-08-2019 3:29pm

Keco wrote: »

Everything’s half hers once you get married anyway doesn’t matter what the deeds say.

Jesus christ, can we please put this myth to bed once and for all - there is no automatic entitlement to 50% of anything - for either party - under Irish divorce law. Literally no such entitlement exists. I have no idea why this idea is so widespread and persistent.

Marriage House Ownership Trouble?!? (Mod note in first post)

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