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Should I report exes attenpts to contact me to his gf?

  • 17-02-2020 8:23pm
    #1
    Cheerer54
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭


    Hi all
    Right so having a bit of an issue atm. Going to try and keep it short. Have had no contact with an ex since I finished it with him 5 years ago. Am in a wonderful realtionship for 4 of those years with my boyfriend now. Around last Christmas I started getting loads of calls from an unknown number every night. I reported it to the guards and found out the number belonged to this ex of 5 years. Apprently he has been with current gf for a couple of years. Why after 5 years would an ex contact me for? The guards spoke to him and told him to stop contacting me as per my request and to get rid of my number. The guards said he apologised and my number is now gone. Although he could well be lying. I dont know. Why would he hang onto my number for all these years? Why would he ring an ex when he has a gf? I am so angry over it that he had the cheek to ring me late at night after 5 years when he knows I despise him. I have a text message written out and I am so tempted to send it to his gf through fb telling her what he was trying to do ringing me. I feel like the guards speaking with him isnt enough to warn him off.


Comments

  • #2
    Cheerer54
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Cheerer54


    Also he tried making loads of attempts to ring me a couple weeks ago. He told guards he was drunk which is not an excuse.


  • #3
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Did you post on this issue before?

    The pertinent thing here is if he's stopped texting you. If he has, move on. No one here can answer why he was texting you. You're not longer interested in him so why does it matter? No, don't tell his GF. She'll only shoot the messenger. Be thankful he's her problem not yours. Why on earth would you text someone who the guards have warned to leave you alone and delete your number?


  • #4
    ldy4mxonucwsq6
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,537 ✭✭✭ldy4mxonucwsq6


    Block him everywhere possible, don't get in touch with the gf. As tempting as that is, you will open a whole new can of worms.

    The guards know and he's been told to back off, hopefully that's it for now.


  • #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Block his number & ignore.
    I'm not sure why you would want to make even more drama by contacting his girlfriend?
    Stay out if their relationship & keep your head high.
    I'm sure the guards told you about harassment, keep a note of everytime he contacts you, in case you need to make a complaint.


  • #6
    Cheerer54
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Cheerer54


    I blocked his number when I dumped him. He must have got a new number since then and still held onto my number for some weird reason. I am scared he will just get another number to contact me again in a couple years time. He is blocked off all social media. And new number is now blocked.


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  • #7
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    I’m sorry OP but I fail to see what the issue is here as you’ve informed the Gardaí & the contact has ceased. Why are you foreseeing more problems? Why would you even consider telling his girlfriend? That will only cause you more trouble.


  • #8
    Cheerer54
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Cheerer54


    Dog day wrote: »
    I’m sorry OP but I fail to see what the issue is here as you’ve informed the Gardaí & the contact has ceased. Why are you foreseeing more problems? Why would you even consider telling his girlfriend? That will only cause you more trouble.

    When he was ringing over the Christmas then stopped I thought it was just a once off. Then only a couple weeks ago he made more atttempts to call me , despite me having the number blocked since christmas (my phone will list all attempts made in the call log history, even if its blocked which I dont like, Id rather not know he was trying to ring me at all). Im just so paranoid he will get a new number either in a few weeks or even a few years and Its getting me down. I really wish he would just forget about me for good same as I have done with him.


  • #9
    Daisy78
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Daisy78


    Cheerer54 wrote: »
    I blocked his number when I dumped him. He must have got a new number since then and still held onto my number for some weird reason. I am scared he will just get another number to contact me again in a couple years time. He is blocked off all social media. And new number is now blocked.

    Change your number. It won’t be the last you hear from him I’m willing to bet. It’s annoying having to do it but at least you will have some peace of mind.


  • #10
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Can you clarify if the contact stopped once the guards spoke to him?

    Ultimately, you may well have to change your number.


  • #11
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Double post


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  • #12
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    Cheerer54 wrote: »
    When he was ringing over the Christmas then stopped I thought it was just a once off. Then only a couple weeks ago he made more atttempts to call me , despite me having the number blocked since christmas (my phone will list all attempts made in the call log history, even if its blocked which I dont like, Id rather not know he was trying to ring me at all). Im just so paranoid he will get a new number either in a few weeks or even a few years and Its getting me down. I really wish he would just forget about me for good same as I have done with him.

    But he’s now stopped contacting you since the Gardaí spoke to him, is that correct? If so he’ll hopefully have had enough of a scare that he won’t attempt to contact you again. There’s little point in dwelling on it & absolutely no point in contacting his girlfriend.


  • #13
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    I wouldn’t contact the girlfriend. Definitely not.

    Do you know his family OP? Would you talk to a parent/sibling and tell them that you’ve been to the Gardai and to have a word with him before it escalated into a legal matter.


  • #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    If he hasn't been in contact for a few weeks, let sleeping dogs lie and don't poke it with a stick by texting his girlfriend. Unless some part of you likes the attention, it's not going to end with him apologising and moving on with his life if he feels you're trying to mess with his. Unfair as that may sound.

    Leave well enough alone, and maybe get a new number if it happens again.


  • #15
    HeidiHeidi
    Registered Users Posts: 28,769 ✭✭✭✭HeidiHeidi


    How do you even have contact details for his new girlfriend?

    I agree you'd be mad to go down that road, hope that the chat from the gardai was enough to stop him.


  • #16
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    If you contact him or his girlfriend your no better than him. The guards wouldn't take your complaints seriously a second time knowing your at the same game he is. If he's contacted you again after being warned all you can do is let the guards know he's ignored their warning and make sure he can't contact you again.


  • #17
    bcklschaps
    Registered Users Posts: 1,056 ✭✭✭bcklschaps


    OP, I think you know the answer to your question yourself, it's NO.

    Anything else is puerile, vindictive and frankly dangerous.


  • #18
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    I agree that there is no point in contacting the girlfriend. OP you're better off keeping your distance here. Contacting the girlfriend will only bring more trouble for you.
    Why would he hang onto my number for all these years? Why would he ring an ex when he has a gf?

    Nobody here can answer these questions unfortunately. But don't be tempted to contact him to find out the answers! It would be sending serious mixed messages to him if you contact him after the guards have been around telling him to leave you alone. If you really want him to leave you alone, you need to cut all forms of contact with him completely.

    Block his number. Block private numbers. Block him on all forms of social media. If the problem continues, contact the guards again and seriously consider changing your number.


  • #19
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    you could get a burner sim or set up a fake facebook account and text his girlfriend anonymously through that and tell her that he is drunkenly texting and booty calling other girls at night time and that you just thought she deserved to know. She can't shoot the messenger if she don't know who it is.


  • #20
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    you could get a burner sim or set up a fake facebook account and text his girlfriend anonymously through that and tell her that he is drunkenly texting and booty calling other girls at night time and that you just thought she deserved to know. She can't shoot the messenger if she don't know who it is.
    That’d be nuts behaviour.


  • #21
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,716 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    If you ruined his relationship with his girlfriend do you think he is more or less likely to have reason to contact you in the future?

    If your aim is revenge, then you know what to do.

    If your aim is for him to leave you alone, you know what to do.


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  • #22
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Change your phone number, give it to those that need it.....


  • #23
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    You wanted to be left alone so the Gardai had a word. It worked.

    Telling his girlfriend will only result in him getting mad at you, resuming his texts again to you and likely his girlfriend won't believe you anyway.

    And imagine explaining to a Garda that after they took the time to speak to your ex, and after he complied with their instructions, YOU decided to try to cause trouble for him and thus caused a renewed onslaught of now angry texts from him, and that you'd like them to fix it for you. Again.

    It's a terrible idea. Please don't do it.


  • #24
    up for anything
    Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    He sounds like a head case. The fact that he did it again despite being spoken to by the guards is a bad sign. If I were you I'd change my number. It's sad that his current girlfriend has to remain in the dark about this but he is possibly showing red flags all over the place if he is driven to harrassing you five years down the line when you haven't been in contact with you. He's a weirdo and you don't want to bring him down on you more than he already is. If he rings again then tell the guards that you want a complete record of the events so far. He could be in the early days of stalking you. How far away does he live from you? Did he display odd signs when you were going with him?


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