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Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Any updates?

  • 03-01-2016 5:21pm
    #1
    Sh1tbag OToole
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭


    Who is the inventor of this much-overused corporate catchphrase? I wonder how much time is spent thinking up imaginative answers for people looking for 'updates' when in fact there are none just to keep them at bay.

    Is 'any updates' the 'going forward' of 2015? Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!" and also the related practice where you'd be chatting away by email to some 'any updates' sender and after a while you see some higher-up corporate goon has made his way into the 'CC' list.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Are you feeling angry O'Toole? Do you need a hug?


  • #3
    Sh1tbag OToole
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    Persepoly wrote: »
    Are you feeling angry O'Toole? Do you need a hug?

    No, calm as a cucumber. It is strange how 'going forward' has had the piss ripped out of it relentlessly while 'any updates' has managed to stay mostly under the radar


  • #4
    The Sun King
    Registered Users Posts: 488 ✭✭The Sun King


    Can we touch base on this later on OP?


  • #5
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    I think "calm as a cucumber" is the new "any updates".


  • #6
    DivingDuck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,396 ✭✭✭DivingDuck


    Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »
    Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!"

    You're right. We should just say the second one.


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  • #7
    Bulbous Salutation
    Closed Accounts Posts: 882 ✭✭✭Bulbous Salutation


    Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »
    No, calm as a cucumber. It is strange how 'going forward' has had the piss ripped out of it relentlessly while 'any updates' has managed to stay mostly under the radar

    Take your idea offline for the moment, Sh1tbag.


  • #8
    recylingbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,001 ✭✭✭recylingbin


    I'm glad someone has flagged this up.


  • #9
    darkpagandeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,465 ✭✭✭✭darkpagandeath


    I have no Idea lets brainstorm a thinking outside the box link in meeting.


  • #10
    The Sun King
    Registered Users Posts: 488 ✭✭The Sun King


    DivingDuck wrote: »
    You're right. We should just say the second one.

    Coola boola.


  • #11
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    I think we should park this for a while.


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  • #12
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Hold on and I will get back to ya...


  • #13
    the evasion_kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    sounds like something an american ceo would use....


  • #14
    brevity
    Registered Users Posts: 8,461 ✭✭✭brevity


    A round table conflab is required here. We need to synergise before any action takes place.


  • #15
    The_Valeyard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,452 ✭✭✭✭The_Valeyard


    Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?


  • #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    I have so far managed to avoid the corporate world yet I have experienced the awfulness of those phrases. Once upon a time in a very different type of world I had a manager who would often say to me "Persepoly I'd like to link in with you".

    Now it is I who is filled with anger at the memory! The whole damn time I was there kept Bach's Rescue Remedy successful.


  • #17
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    The Sun King wrote: »
    Coola boola.

    Stoppit!! I'm getting shudders. The bad kind.


  • #18
    Sh1tbag OToole
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    Persepoly wrote: »
    Stoppit!! I'm getting shudders. The bad kind.

    Stop the lights


  • #19
    me_irl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭me_irl


    Blame Microsoft.


  • #20
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Well, we are where we are...


  • #21
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    The overuse of "any" in the English language, and boards, is quite astounding.


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  • #22
    McDermotX
    Registered Users Posts: 14,579 ✭✭✭✭McDermotX


    When someone figures this thread out, could they waterfall it to the rest of the group ?

    I mean, we're hardly re-inventing the wheel here.


  • #23
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    I'll have to take this away as an action point!


  • #24
    kingchess
    Registered Users Posts: 795 ✭✭✭kingchess


    I am digesting your original post and will revert back to you when we have reached a consensus -We will keep you up-dated .


  • #25
    mynameis905
    Closed Accounts Posts: 754 ✭✭✭mynameis905


    Definitely need to drill down and develop a SMART plan. Will revert back after the blue sky 360 degree thinking brainstorming session.

    *twitches*


  • #26
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »
    Who is the inventor of this much-overused corporate catchphrase? I wonder how much time is spent thinking up imaginative answers for people looking for 'updates' when in fact there are none just to keep them at bay.

    Is 'any updates' the 'going forward' of 2015? Hopefully we'll see a decline in it's use this year as more and more people see it for what it is - a supposedly polite alternative for "Hurry on ye lazy slow bastards!"

    I invented the term, back in the 80s,aged about 6,it's only become popular of late.


  • #27
    Azalea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭Azalea


    There are some woeful corporate expressions, like "leverage ideas" but "Any updates" is completely innocuous in my opinion. Ditto "Going forward" - it just means "From now on". I think it's just a bandwagon to claim it's so horrendous.


  • #28
    Ted_YNWA
    Registered Users Posts: 71,799 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    Due to unforeseen .events, any updates won't be pushed out until Q2


  • #29
    sabat
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,896 ✭✭✭sabat


    The Sun King wrote: »
    Coola boola.

    This totally ruined the character of Fran in Love Hate for me. The only people who say cúla búla are dickheads from 1985, not psychopathic thugs in 2014.


  • #30
    Samsgirl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,190 ✭✭✭Samsgirl


    me_irl wrote: »
    Blame Microsoft.

    Having worked there, yes I agree with you. The corporate bull**** level was immense.


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  • #31
    Sh1tbag OToole
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    Samsgirl wrote: »
    Having worked there, yes I agree with you. The corporate bull**** level was immense.


    Have you seen Steve Ballmer getting up on the atage roaring with the sweat dhripping off him


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