Do you hold in your farts around your OH?

PixelTrawler · 22-10-2015 8:02pm

We call our house Farte Blanche...

OhDearyMe · 22-10-2015 8:08pm

We both live in very close quarters and have been doing so for a number of years and both eat an incredibly fibrous, veg-ful, vegetarian diet, so....yes. Neither of us mind at this stage.

Darwin · 22-10-2015 8:10pm

Well 'tis a poor arse that's never rejoiced.

petrolcan · 22-10-2015 8:10pm

XplaygirlX wrote: »

Farts are hilarious. Anyone who doesn't think so obviously doesn't have a sence of humour

Or a scent of humour.

Alf Veedersane · 22-10-2015 8:15pm

I'm way too generous when it comes to rating my farts so they need an independent adjudicator.

Ally Dick · 22-10-2015 8:16pm

I am a great believer that you haven't met the right woman if you have to stifle your farts around them

xzanti · 22-10-2015 8:19pm

We have farting competitions.

I usually win.

asherbassad · 22-10-2015 8:37pm

Candie wrote: »

It's not about being comfortable, it's about manners.

No, if I have to break wind I do it in private, preferably the bathroom. I'd assume no one wants to breath in fecal spores any more than I do.

Farting in company is terrible manners and you wouldn't do it in front of a stranger, I don't see why an OH deserves less respect than a stranger.

"Fecal spores" ??

What exactly are they now?
Do you dash off into some hypersterile chamber when a burp comes on too? After all you wouldn't want anyone to breath in your "phlegm spores" or "bile spores" or whatever the fcuk you are on about.

Ally Dick · 22-10-2015 9:07pm

asherbassad wrote: »

"Fecal spores" ??

Energy is never lost. Ask Einstein. Farts are transferred to sound energy, heat and fecal spores. Where do you think the smell comes from ?

Mister Vain · 22-10-2015 9:40pm

beks101 wrote: »

Honestly, I just don't fart all that often that I need to worry about holding in my farts around people. What are all y'all eating?

What are YOU eating?

thefishone · 22-10-2015 9:52pm

Home is where you can fart in peace.

Mister Vain · 22-10-2015 10:04pm

XplaygirlX wrote: »

Farts are hilarious. Anyone who doesn't think so obviously doesn't have a sence of humour

Yes farts have always been funny, even back in the stone age. It's probably the first thing humans ever laughed at.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iGtgJIdsRw

dutopia · 22-10-2015 10:09pm

My wife never farted on front of me when we were dating for over 3 years. As soon as the ring went on that stopped - she now lets rip at every opportunity. Not much I can do about it now.

Bulbous Salutation · 22-10-2015 10:21pm

Better out than the gable end of a house.

cantdecide · 22-10-2015 10:29pm

dutopia wrote: »

My wife never farted on front of me when we were dating for over 3 years. As soon as the ring went on that stopped - she now lets rip at every opportunity. Not much I can do about it now.

You should try remove the ring again but be careful not to pull her finger.

Toots · 22-10-2015 10:38pm

xzanti wrote: »

We have farting competitions.

I usually win.

At midnight when I turned 30 my hubby said "happy Birthday! Now you'll have to act your age!" So I grabbed a lighter and let off an absolute ripper. The ensuing fireball was very impressive! We both nearly collapsed laughing.

johnayo · 22-10-2015 10:39pm

Got a pup last year and he'd fart for Ireland. I'll never take responsibility for my farts again while he is around:D

Duggy747 · 22-10-2015 10:40pm

My farts could peel paint but her farts could make an onion cry

Muahahaha · 22-10-2015 10:52pm

Braden Flat Sty wrote: »

Na we both find them funny, luckily. Honestly if I had to fart and he was in the other room I might follow him in there before I let rip

I know a couple who are both quite windy but also have a dark sense of humour. The two of them are like Terence and Philip from South Park around each other

wakka12 · 22-10-2015 11:27pm

Im 100% comfortable around him but I couldn't. I care too much about what he thinks of me and I'm too self conscious

Hotblack Desiato · 23-10-2015 8:41am

Try not to fart on a first date. After that, you might as well continue as you mean to go on.

After a few years the bathroom door doesn't get closed, never mind locked :pac:

ToddyDoody · 23-10-2015 5:24pm

There's a way of sitting that always ensures a loud fart. Push your posterior backwards into the seat as the air is being released and you too can be the most ignorant person in the room. Add a rejoinder 'it's just methane gas, dope'.

Mister Vain · 23-10-2015 5:32pm

Running to the bathroom every time you need to fart must be an awful nuisance. Shur I'd miss half the film if I had to do that.

Mesrine65 · 23-10-2015 5:38pm

I'm proud of my l'odeur de l'homme :cool:

Lyaiera · 23-10-2015 5:38pm

Medusa22 wrote: »

farts find a way out :pac:

It's like a smelly metaphor for life.

I don't have an OH but I will let one, or three, or full auto a magazine around family and close friends. I hold them in when I'm sitting at the bar though. Nothing worse than a fart when you're propping up a bar considering you've consumed a few beers in the lead up. I've seen people barred for particularly bad ones.

Idjit · 24-10-2015 12:00am

I used to hold them in out of politeness years ago but like another poster mentioned, I just ended up farting loads in my sleep when I had no control over it!

I've learned how to release them silently (and more deadly) when around my OH, usually making him laugh (he tries the ninja farts too but is far less stealthy!).

Hotblack Desiato · 24-10-2015 12:50am

Rejoice in the musical rattling of your sphincter, you're here for a good time not a long time after all. Plenty of time to hold them in after you're dead :rolleyes: oh wait, corpses involuntarily fart...

Mister Vain · 03-01-2016 8:23pm

There was a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in.

ToddyDoody · 03-01-2016 9:04pm

Forget them, would want to do it for my own sake at the best of times.

LordSutch · 03-01-2016 9:09pm

I try to hold in the really loud 'raspers', but I would let out the occassional 'S.B.D

Silent But Deadly.

Do you hold in your farts around your OH?

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