What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland · 23-06-2019 12:50pm

armaghlad wrote: »

I know. I’ve been saying all along though to poop in the solitude of your own home. It’s not hard to train your body to do so outside of working hours

Any tips on how to “train” the body to shít on a properly schedule would be appreciated, A.

My last two attempts have been disastrous.

Deebles McBeebles · 24-06-2019 11:17am

So I was in the stall this morning, dropping the brown mic, on company time as is my wont. Two stall set up, urinals on the far wall. The urinals were free as was one of the stalls.

I was giving the seat a good clean with the hand soap and just about to take my seat when a lad appears and rushes into the other stall. He proceeded to sit down and take a piss, without cleaning the seat I might add. Ten seconds later, up he gets and heads on out of the stall.

What's going on there lads? The first commandment of this thread was broken and then....a sit down piss? Is there a joker in my midst?

Roger Hassenforder · 24-06-2019 11:18am

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

So I was in the stall this morning, dropping the brown mic, on company time as is my wont. Two stall set up, urinals on the far wall. The urinals were free as was one of the stalls.

I was giving the seat a good clean with the hand soap and just about to take my seat when a lad appears and rushes into the other stall. He proceeded to sit down and take a piss, without cleaning the seat I might add. Ten seconds later, up he gets and heads on out of the stall.

What's going on there lads? The first commandment of this thread was broken and then....a sit down piss? Is there a joker in my midst?

Princess piss
Its a thing

padd b1975 · 24-06-2019 11:19am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Any tips on how to “train” the body to shít on a properly schedule would be appreciated, A.

My last two attempts have been disastrous.

Eat regularly, shít regularly.

Simple as that.

gerrybbadd · 24-06-2019 11:19am

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

So I was in the stall this morning, dropping the brown mic, on company time as is my wont. Two stall set up, urinals on the far wall. The urinals were free as was one of the stalls.

I was giving the seat a good clean with the hand soap and just about to take my seat when a lad appears and rushes into the other stall. He proceeded to sit down and take a piss, without cleaning the seat I might add. Ten seconds later, up he gets and heads on out of the stall.

What's going on there lads? The first commandment of this thread was broken and then....a sit down piss? Is there a joker in my midst?

Might have been ar$ehole piss? Wild dose of buddha's revenge after a night on the vindaloo and Stella? Bit strange with the "run and gun" though.

Deebles McBeebles · 24-06-2019 11:46am

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Princess piss
Its a thing

Well that was a fairly strange Google results page. I will take your word for it!

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Might have been ar$ehole piss? Wild dose of buddha's revenge after a night on the vindaloo and Stella? Bit strange with the "run and gun" though.

I thought that for a second too but it was too quick and clean. 100% a straight forward piss. Given the speed he entered the room at it would have been much quicker to unload through the zip and do it in the urinal.

EmmetSpiceland · 24-06-2019 12:09pm

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

What's going on there lads? The first commandment of this thread was broken and then....a sit down piss? Is there a joker in my midst?

A sit down piss in work? That’s, most certainly, a breach of etiquette.

It’s perfectly acceptable to engage in a sit down piss in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning or when drunk.

padd b1975 wrote: »

Eat regularly, shít regularly.

Simple as that.

**** you, P. **** you.

Deebles McBeebles · 24-06-2019 12:28pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

A sit down piss in work? That’s, most certainly, a breach of etiquette.

It’s perfectly acceptable to engage in a sit down piss in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning or when drunk.

Not only is it acceptable when drunk, it can be necessary.

Wouldn't dream of one in work and to have the balls to do it while someone beside you is about to take a dump seems very disturbing.

gerrybbadd · 24-06-2019 12:30pm

Strangest thing happened.

I was out in trap 1 there myself about 10 minutes ago. About a kilo of play dough snakes had to be released. I was just in the middle of the evacuation, when someone landed into trap 2 beside me, and sat down for a big piss.

WTF is going on today?

Deebles McBeebles · 24-06-2019 12:34pm

Someone is taking the piss Gerry, literally and figuratively.

Boom_Bap · 24-06-2019 12:41pm

Gerry, how confident are you that it was urine and not bog water from the bumole?

gerrybbadd · 24-06-2019 12:53pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Gerry, how confident are you that it was urine and not bog water from the bumole?

There was no toilet roll action. So either there was a large piss had, or a pair of shyte covered jocks. Neither would surprise me, because the animal didn't wash his hands heading out. Huge bone of contention with me.

Boom_Bap · 24-06-2019 12:55pm

JohnnyFlash · 24-06-2019 1:29pm

padd b1975 wrote: »

Eat regularly, shít regularly.

Simple as that.

It’s not as simple as that, Padd; not simple at all.

All depends on what you are eating. So porridge for the breakfast, plenty of soup and salads, green vegetables etc will have a man heading into the jacks with a look of quite confidence on his face - usually at a time that you could set your pocket watch to.

If you’ve had a weekend of serious ‘sauce’ action then you could be hitting the throne 8, 10, 12 times a day. Lager, fried breakfasts, Snackbox from Pat McDonagh’s eatin’ houses, scampi fries etc is a disaster for the well-being of your digestive system.

gerrybbadd · 24-06-2019 1:31pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s not as simple as that, Padd; not simple at all.

All depends on what you are eating. So porridge for the breakfast, plenty of soup and salads, green vegetables etc will have a man heading into the jacks with a look of quite confidence on his face - usually at a time that you could set your pocket watch to.

If you’ve had a weekend of serious ‘sauce’ action then you could be hitting the throne 8, 10, 12 times a day. Lager, fried breakfasts, Snackbox from Pat McDonagh’s eatin’ houses, scampi fries etc is a disaster for the well-being of your digestive system.

Jaysus, i'd love some scampi right about now.

[Deleted User] · 24-06-2019 3:02pm

Oh lads, had to break one of the prime directives today and crap on my own time. All traps out of action at work after some savage managed to block up the works. Lunch break wasted on a trip home.

Brendan Bendar · 24-06-2019 7:20pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s not as simple as that, Padd; not simple at all.

All depends on what you are eating. So porridge for the breakfast, plenty of soup and salads, green vegetables etc will have a man heading into the jacks with a look of quite confidence on his face - usually at a time that you could set your pocket watch to.

If you’ve had a weekend of serious ‘sauce’ action then you could be hitting the throne 8, 10, 12 times a day. Lager, fried breakfasts, Snackbox from Pat McDonagh’s eatin’ houses, scampi fries etc is a disaster for the well-being of your digestive system.

Putting yourself out as a bit of an expert here are we..... hmm

Lookit.... plenty of fruit, orange juice, exercise is your man.

Yes porridge is good too... but.... don’t take those bad boys BEFORE taking a walk.

Took a walk after ingesting those dudes and halfway up on a bald hill, had to evacuate, big time, as the Donald would say...”primed and cocked”.

Nowhere to go but there was a slatted seat in the vicinity ... plenty of others walking around, dogs too so had to ‘ditch’ in ‘uncoordinated airspace’.

Dropped the kex ,hovered over the seat and blew out a blast of loose fawn scutther like a runaway high pressure hose.

No cleaning,up with the jocks, and away, no look back till at least 100 metres away when I managed a ‘peek’

Seat surrounded by at least four dogs and two couples inspecting the damage.

Kept going....

Hector Savage · 25-06-2019 12:03pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Putting yourself out as a bit of an expert here are we..... hmm

Lookit.... plenty of fruit, orange juice, exercise is your man.

Yes porridge is good too... but.... don’t take those bad boys BEFORE taking a walk.

Took a walk after ingesting those dudes and halfway up on a bald hill, had to evacuate, big time, as the Donald would say...”primed and cocked”.

Nowhere to go but there was a slatted seat in the vicinity ... plenty of others walking around, dogs too so had to ‘ditch’ in ‘uncoordinated airspace’.

Dropped the kex ,hovered over the seat and blew out a blast of loose fawn scutther like a runaway high pressure hose.

No cleaning,up with the jocks, and away, no look back till at least 100 metres away when I managed a ‘peek’

Seat surrounded by at least four dogs and two couples inspecting the damage.

Kept going....

Slatted seats ? like a park bench ? How did you get the midden in between the slats ? must have been a skilled job, or else you made a helluva mess ..

Brendan Bendar · 25-06-2019 12:29pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

Slatted seats ? like a park bench ? How did you get the midden in between the slats ? must have been a skilled job, or else you made a helluva mess ..

Correct Hector, and the reason was to try to give the impression from a distance that I was just about to sit down.

I didn’t get the midden between slats but it was ‘loose’ enough not to create a profile- I wasn’t going to pinch out a girthy ‘King Edward’ and have her lying supine over four slats for all to gaze at.

It looked like someone spilled a can of Rusts fence primer on the seat,if one could ignore the flecks of sweetcorn and red peppers.

There was a “helluva mess “ Hector as you rightly suggested but needs must and initial deception was the main aim of the exercise.

Hector Savage · 25-06-2019 1:20pm

This thread keeps on giving..

Hal3000 · 25-06-2019 1:24pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Princess piss
Its a thing

Personally I think it was a quick arse wipe from someone who didn't finish up properly.

recyclebin · 25-06-2019 1:58pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Correct Hector, and the reason was to try to give the impression from a distance that I was just about to sit down.

I didn’t get the midden between slats but it was ‘loose’ enough not to create a profile- I wasn’t going to pinch out a girthy ‘King Edward’ and have her lying supine over four slats for all to gaze at.

It looked like someone spilled a can of Rusts fence primer on the seat,if one could ignore the flecks of sweetcorn and red peppers.

There was a “helluva mess “ Hector as you rightly suggested but needs must and initial deception was the main aim of the exercise.

If you're going to make up a sh1t story, you need to at least make it believable.......

Pintman Paddy Losty · 25-06-2019 2:03pm

recyclebin wrote: »

If you're going to make up a sh1t story, you need to at least make it believable.......

I know Brendan in a personal capacity. If you knew him you would know its true.

He's retired now but used to work as a baggage handler at the airport. Very heavy set individual with a purple nose of burst blood vessels reminiscent of the nile river delta. Type of man who wears mustard chinos, plays pitch and putt and drinks very heavily (whatever cheap lager is on sale in JCs). He's a very obnoxious man and would have no qualms with spreading his slurry on a public amenity.

A dirty kernt.

Nevin Parsnipp · 25-06-2019 2:12pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

I know Brendan in a personal capacity. If you knew him you would know its true.

He's retired now but used to work as a baggage handler at the airport. Very heavy set individual with a purple nose of burst blood vessels reminiscent of the nile river delta. Type of man who wears mustard chinos, plays pitch and putt and drinks very heavily (whatever cheap lager is on sale in JCs). He's a very obnoxious man and would have no qualms with spreading his slurry on a public amenity.

A dirty kernt.

Sounds like a lad I know as well....very accurate description Dude !

Hector Savage · 25-06-2019 2:12pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

I know Brendan in a personal capacity. If you knew him you would know its true.

He's retired now but used to work as a baggage handler at the airport. Very heavy set individual with a purple nose of burst blood vessels reminiscent of the nile river delta. Type of man who wears mustard chinos, plays pitch and putt and drinks very heavily (whatever cheap lager is on sale in JCs). He's a very obnoxious man and would have no qualms with spreading his slurry on a public amenity.

A dirty kernt.

I'm starting to think that JF and PMPL should be on commission to post here !!

F*cking GOLD!!

:D:D:D

JohnnyFlash · 25-06-2019 2:30pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

I know Brendan in a personal capacity. If you knew him you would know its true.

He's retired now but used to work as a baggage handler at the airport. Very heavy set individual with a purple nose of burst blood vessels reminiscent of the nile river delta. Type of man who wears mustard chinos, plays pitch and putt and drinks very heavily (whatever cheap lager is on sale in JCs). He's a very obnoxious man and would have no qualms with spreading his slurry on a public amenity.

A dirty kernt.

Jesus, sounds a truly dreadful specimen of humanity, Paddy. What's the hygiene like with him? Wojus bang of BO I'd imagine, and noticeable piss and ball grease stains on the gusset of the 'easy stretch' chinos?

JCs has just been bought by Dunnes. End of an era for the bargain beer hunters of North Dublin. No more lads rooting around in the near dated bin trying to see if they put together a 'selection bag' of 16 cans for a tenner.

Hal3000 · 25-06-2019 3:00pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

I know Brendan in a personal capacity. If you knew him you would know its true.

He's retired now but used to work as a baggage handler at the airport. Very heavy set individual with a purple nose of burst blood vessels reminiscent of the nile river delta. Type of man who wears mustard chinos, plays pitch and putt and drinks very heavily (whatever cheap lager is on sale in JCs). He's a very obnoxious man and would have no qualms with spreading his slurry on a public amenity.

A dirty kernt.

I'd say he'd walk away from some shyte...

Brendan Bendar · 25-06-2019 4:56pm

Hmmm........not too much respect for a valued and trustworthy poster here.

I’ll have to evaluate my options.

I might have to hit for the thunderbox to clear my head.

Roger Hassenforder · 25-06-2019 6:39pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmm........not too much respect for a valued and trustworthy poster here.

I’ll have to evaluate my options.

I might have to hit for the thunderbox to clear my head.

No prophet is accepted in his home town.

Ezekiel 7.45

Roger Hassenforder · 25-06-2019 6:41pm

recyclebin wrote: »

If you're going to make up a sh1t story, you need to at least make it believable.......

Did i tell you the one about the Assistant Principal officer in the Dept of the Taoiseach...

What's the etiquette here??

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