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early pregnancy loss

  • 19-07-2018 9:05am
    #1
    sallysue2
    Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭


    I am so upset, I have been pregnant twice, this time it ended in the loss of our very loved and desperately wanted baby. Our little bean just stopped growing and didnt have a heartbeat. we are heartbroken. I know the logical side of me thinks that there was something wrong and that's why the pregnancy stopped, natures way of protecting me.

    What I cant stop thinking about is all the things in life this baby is never going to experience. he/she will never get to meet their parents, or older brother. They will never experience love.

    People keep telling me that I will get pregnant again and all will go according to plan next time. Its like I cant be upset about losing this baby, that it will be ok next time. I don't care about myself losing an unborn baby, I care about my baby who wont have a shot at life. That is my priority.

    I just wish things were so different. The day my baby was surgically removed from me was the hardest day of my life. I didnt want them to leave me, I wanted them to stay. putting on that mask in the hospital to knock me out was the hardest thing I have ever had t do, when I woke up you would be gone from me. I wanted baby to come into this world and love a life of love and fun, a life that their mammy and daddy would be committed to giving them. To meet their older brother who would have adored them and keeps asking for a baby. I love you little baby.


Comments

  • #2
    Heyes
    Registered Users Posts: 2,203 ✭✭✭Heyes


    So sorry for your loss, it is a very hard time. You will find with time, that a lot of people that are saying the above just don't "get it" (thankfully).. unfortunately its the club you don't ever want to be a member of as that feeling of loss is unexplainable.

    We lost our daughter when she was 3 weeks old, we thankfully had that time with her for which we are very grateful. I do remember after we lost her a number of people said oh you ll have to go again and im sure everything will be okay, but you need to allow yourself to grieve.

    You are right when you think logically that there was a reason, and when you really think about your baby's future life, you need to remember there quality of life... maybe the reason that you didn't go to full term is because they may not of had the quality of life that you had hoped and dreamed for them. Its only with time will you be able to really figure it all out.

    I know your son would love another baby (we have a little boy too), but give yourself time and IF you feel ready and able to have another baby go for it, but don't rush and do let yourself grieve and have the time to deal with what has just happened.


  • #3
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Heyes wrote: »

    You are right when you think logically that there was a reason, and when you really think about your baby's future life, you need to remember there quality of life... maybe the reason that you didn't go to full term is because they may not of had the quality of life that you had hoped and dreamed for them. Its only with time will you be able to really figure it all out.

    I actually came here to say this too. The logic here is that you are probably right. Miscarriage is nature's way (in a lot of cases) of kindly ending a pregnancy where the baby wouldn't have survived or lived (physically or metaphorically) once separated from you. However, that absolutely doesn't mean you can't grieve for the life that could have been. A lot of people find it a taboo subject and either haven't experienced it or they have and have been brought up not to discuss it.

    If it helps, you can take comfort in knowing your little baby left the world knowing literally nothing save for the unconditional love, protection and nourishment of their Mother


  • #4
    Macha
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 6,376 Mod ✭✭✭✭Macha


    I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a miscarriage in 2017 and the physical side alone was really tough. Add in the grieving and it can be a lot.

    I found talking about it with others helped (which is obviously what you're doing here). It helped take away that secretive side and I heard many stories from others, which made me feel less alone. I told work colleagues and men and women told me they had gone through the same thing.

    This may sound weird but when I was off work miscarrying (and then having surgery when the drugs didn't work), I watched a lot of Call The Midwife on Netflix. It made me grateful for modern maternity medicine. There's a great podcast called The Grief Cast where you can hear stories from other people grieving, including from miscarriages.


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