Feeling ridiculed

LegacyUser · 11-03-2019 8:52pm #1

I need to vent and hoping to get some positive feedback or suggestions.
Im in my first job related to my college degree, since starting this position ive found much of the staff to be undermining and difficult to work with, certain members of staff in particular are two faced, clicky and going to work I am filled with anxiety and I am paranoid that staff are talking behind my back. Im not usually a paranoid person but the last number of weeks im questioning myself constantly. I pull back from letting anyone in the work place get to know me as I am so nervous and distrustful I cant relax around anyone.
Making matters worse, my employment is semi casual, im in with various different groups , covering for different staff members who are on training, out sick etc, as im not a permanent staff member im not always told what im required to do, where I am required to be and sometimes I look as though im making mistakes when in reality I havnt been told what it is im supposed to do or ive been told to do the wrong thing.
Today an incident happened where I completed a task - correctly, then appraoched a group of staff members who where standing around, chatting, they looked at me as though I had grown an extra head, simply for standing beside them, they didnt try to speak to me just made me feel awkward and like I had done something entirely out of line.
My confidence is wrecked being around these people and as theyre talking about me behind my back other staff members have formed negative opinions of me and the problem has escalated.

I cant shake the feeling of feeling like ive done something terribly wrong when I know that I havnt, they make me feel like im a bad person and like I did something to them.
Its not anything I can report as its very subtle, not speaking to me, talking behind my back, that sort of thing.
I felt sick to my stomach leaving today, its really taking its toll.
Ive had depression and anxiety in the past and I can feel myself slipping back in to those patterns as a result of the toxic atmosphere.

I have applied to other jobs but not getting anything, moving abroad isnt an option due to other commitments and I desperately need this job and the experience. Im really just asking how to deal with negative and toxic people? What can I do to make this easier?

messy tessy · 11-03-2019 11:07pm

Feelingridiculed wrote: »

I am filled with anxiety and I am paranoid that staff are talking behind my back.
Today an incident happened where I completed a task - correctly, then appraoched a group of staff members who where standing around, chatting, they looked at me as though I had grown an extra head, simply for standing beside them, they didnt try to speak to me just made me feel awkward and like I had done something entirely out of line.
My confidence is wrecked being around these people and as theyre talking about me behind my back other staff members have formed negative opinions of me and the problem has escalated

Just to offer a different view on the above... did you try to make any conversation with the group you joined? Maybe they looked up at you as they thought you needed them for something.

Honestly I think you could be a bit paranoid here... people generally don't go around cutting the back off others they work with. It's a dangerous thing to do, and reflects badly on the ones gossiping. You don't know they are talking about you and odds are they aren't.

I heard a brilliant thing the other day 'no one cares about you'... now that might sound harsh but it is quite liberating. Everyone is caught up with their own stuff and no one actually has the time or inclination to be judging you!

....... · 12-03-2019 11:52am

I think you might be misreading the situation.

You are a casual staff member, why would anyone be bothered talking about you behind your back? No offence - but you are probably not that important to them to even register that you are around sometimes, so its unlikely they are taking about you. Or maybe they are - but even if they were, so what? Youre not doing anything wrong so let them talk? You can choose to worry about what might be happening or just disregard it and get on with things and accept that sometimes other people are assholes.

Its normal enough that people will be a bit clique-y - in some workplaces people are sort of entrenched in what they do for breaks and who they sit with. It doesnt reflect badly on you - its just that they dont really care.

On going up to a group of people - did you say anything or what happened there. It sounds very unusual that an entire group of people would just stand in awkward silence like that, maybe they thought you were coming to ask something and were waiting for you to say something?

jopax · 12-03-2019 4:00pm

Hi op,

I was just wondering, is this your first job.

There is all sorts of politics that go on in the workplace.

Do you think you might be a bit naive, maybe your not savvy enough yet as who to talk to & who to keep away from.

You say your not usually paranoid so I would be inclined to believe you.

It takes time to figure out the genuine people, so give yourself a bit more time.

As the saying goes, " how people treat you says nothing about you &; everything about them"

LolaJJ · 12-03-2019 4:16pm

Hey OP,

Can I ask how old you are and if you are significantly younger than your colleagues. It could be a thing where you need to earn your stripes so-to-speak.

As per previous posters, I would agree that it's unlikely they are gossiping or talking about you. In any work environment, I have been in people have very rarely spoken about colleagues negatively unless that person is there a long time and has developed a reputation.

Perhaps you are trying too hard to fit-in and it's not coming off well, try to relax and focus on your work. If you are unsure of how to complete a task you've been instructed to do, ask! This will be respected, honestly. No one expects anyone to know everything when they have just started and it might be a more natural way to break the ice with people

qwerty13 · 12-03-2019 7:08pm

Did you get the job through nepotism? That might explain why you feel a bit ‘frozen out’. Especially if someone else either didn’t get the job, or was let go, in order to make room for you.

Because otherwise it doesn’t make much sense to me

John Mason · 13-03-2019 1:10pm

This is how i feel in my work place too but i know they are talking about me because they talk about everyone.

It is a really toxic place. The ring leader is a guy in his 40's here and i have started to call him out on his bull****. Is this an option? When he is whispering about me, i ask him loudly if he something to say or can you speak up i didnt hear that clearly.

I have also gone with the "wow, did you mean to be so rude"

I am actively looking to get out of here but I have been here 14 years, so not so easy but you should definately look at moving on. Life is too short to be stuck in a toxic enviroment

cloudatlas · 15-03-2019 3:19pm

I've worked in toxic environments with people who are competitive and passive aggressive I can tell you it doesn't get better unless you call it out the only other option is to find another job or do both.

If they are talking about you and you know this and have some evidence that there were witnesses or if they have said something then you have a case otherwise keep looking for another job and ignore them until you get out.

beauf · 18-03-2019 11:52am

I would ignore them and look for something else. What they are doing is not normal. Sounds toxic place to work imo.

Feeling ridiculed

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