Friend Cancelling

LegacyUser · 23-04-2019 1:07am #1

Someone who I would consider one of my best friends cancelled on me to meet another of her friends last week.

Basically, last Wednesday, I text the person in question saying "hey, I'm gonna go shopping in Dundrum tomorrow at four if you want to come with me." and they said "yeah, sure. see you there." [She lives in Dundrum so it's not a big deal for her to meet me there]

A little after three on Thursday, while I was already on the LUAS to Dundrum, she text me to say "can't do today! going for cocktails." It basically transpired that another of her friends asked her to lunch/drinks and she said yes, even though she had agreed to meet me.

I was really annoyed/upset about it because she would have came if she didn't receive a "better offer" but I'm really unsure my feelings are justified? I was going to Dundrum regardless of whether she said yes so it's not like my plans changed entirely but we haven't seen each other in a week due to work and would have definitely went for lunch together in Dundrum.

Not sure if I should articulate these feelings to her or just let it slide!

woodchuck · 23-04-2019 9:48am

OP if it's a once off, I'd let it slide.

However if it becomes a habit, I'd be having words with her!

baby and crumble · 23-04-2019 10:01am

AnonymousPost124 wrote: »

Basically, last Wednesday, I text the person in question saying "hey, I'm gonna go shopping in Dundrum tomorrow at four if you want to come with me." and they said "yeah, sure. see you there." [She lives in Dundrum so it's not a big deal for her to meet me there]

You basically said 'hey i'm going out near you anyway, want to come shopping with me?' That, to me, isn't a 'plan', that's a statement of fact.

AnonymousPost124 wrote: »

I was going to Dundrum regardless of whether she said yes so it's not like my plans changed entirely but we haven't seen each other in a week due to work and would have definitely went for lunch together in Dundrum.

But you didn't ask her to meet for lunch and chats, you asked her to follow you around shopping - you weren't even going to be there until 4, who waits that long for lunch???. If she'd cancelled lunch and a catch-up with you for lunch and cocktails with someone else then fair enough I can see where you'd be justified in being annoyed, but I honestly don't see it in this case.

seamus · 23-04-2019 10:14am

AnonymousPost124 wrote: »

I was going to Dundrum regardless of whether she said yes so it's not like my plans changed entirely

It was this, and she knew this.

You were doing her the courtesy of offering some company because you were out near her. It wasn't an organised "date", or something that otherwise required any planning, it was just something to do.

It would be entirely different if you guys had been planning on this for a month, or this was the only reason you were making the trip. It wasn't. You were going to the shop one way or another, it didn't really matter if she tagged along, you just fancied some company.

And you saw her a week ago, so it's not like you hadn't seen her recently.

If you feel the need to say anything, I'd be inclined to ask why she didn't invite you to join them for cocktails and lunch when you were done with your shopping.

King of Kings · 23-04-2019 2:08pm

seamus wrote: »

It was this, and she knew this.

You were doing her the courtesy of offering some company because you were out near her. It wasn't an organised "date", or something that otherwise required any planning, it was just something to do.

Wholeheartedly disagree. The friend made an arrangement and broke it for a better offer with very little notice. That is poor form unless it was an emergency ..cocktails dont sound like that....we can debate how forgiveable it is or not...

If the friend doesnt have form then id let it slide. If not I'd consider if they were a friend or just a convienient acquantance.

When I was about to turn 40 I ditched 3 friends including one of my closest for similar reasons..no rows just phased them out.
2 years later my only regret is that I waited ao many years to do it. I now have more time for genuine friends who I know appreciate my company and time.
Not saying to do this just giving my experience....

qwerty13 · 23-04-2019 4:05pm

Had a post disappear when I hit submit.

In short: you didn’t make an arrangement to catch up with her, you asked if she wanted to tag along while you shopped. Meeting at 4 means she’d already have had lunch.

If you wanted to meet her for lunch, you should have made a proper arrangement to do so. And at lunchtime.

I think you’d be completely out of order to attempt to pull her up over this. If she was relating this story, she could put it that you weren’t bothered actually meeting her for lunch, and made a half-assed arrangement for her to follow you around the shops - and so she met friends who actually did want to meet for food / drinks / chats. In my opinion you don’t have a leg to stand on OP.

Red Lightning · 23-04-2019 5:21pm

Very lousy on your friends part. Fair enough if it was due to an appointment she had forgotten about or if she had to help someone with something but the fact it was to meet someone else? That's bad form. You could say something to her if ye are close and tell her how much it hurt. Or as someone has said, you could maybe let it go but id be asking questions about how good a friend she is if it happens again.

GingerLily · 23-04-2019 5:33pm

You didn't have plans to see her, you didn't have plans that depended on her, you also invited her at relatively short notice, and see each other very regularly (you say you hadn't see her in a week, thats very recently!)

Calm down and don't do anything you'll regret, if you want to see your friend next time make it an invitation to hangout rather then just accompany you with your plan - for example "I'm going to XXXXX on Thursday. Are you free to grab a coffee/bite to eat? "

Friend Cancelling

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