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Not much chat here

  • 07-05-2016 11:53am
    #1
    green n gold
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭


    Was out for a few scoops last night and got chatting with someone i'd only really know in passing, this person has a parent who's dying. I casually asked about them and we got chatting in great detail. He knew I had gone through a couple of harsh years watching my mother dying and the fact that him and I wouldn't be close friends I think let a chat develop that maybe he wouldn't have with someone close. I think we are now friends after this brief discussion, anyway the point that it made me think about concerning here is that I had kinda hoped this forum would lead to more types of supportive and comforting chats between the good folk of boards.


Comments

  • #2
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,041 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I really hope the same green n gold. So many people have the same experience of either having terminal illness, having someone who has a terminal illness or knowing a friend who has. It is a subject that is not really discussed, partly I feel because people feel it is a very personal experience, and partly because they know other close relatives might see the discussion and be affected by it. I think anonymous posting would help in both those cases.

    I have recently been in the situation of caring for someone with a long terminal illness, which recently came to its inevitable conclusion. There are so many emotions to cope with both before and after the death and it is easy to feel that your own emotions are somehow 'wrong' or possibly selfish. In much the same way some terminally ill people accept their situation and want to have some degree of control of it, others never acknowledge even to themselves that they are not going to get better. I did not feel able to discuss the illness under my user name, now it seems easier, but of course it is too late.


  • #3
    green n gold
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭green n gold


    Very well put looksee, I kept everything to myself when I was going through the experience. The feeling waddling home last night after that chat was that we both took something positive from it. Getting this forum to become a reality on here took quiet a while and the overriding thought all that time was that there was some strong and positive supporters of it. Its still early days but part of me hopes it grows to be a very worthwhile forum.


  • #4
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users Posts: 18,581 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    I would imagine one of the hardest things is feeling that nobody else knows what you're going through or can relate to your emotions.
    In my personal and professional experience, too many people say the wrong thing and without meaning to, can further upset the person who is grieving.


  • #5
    PMBC
    Registered Users Posts: 1,102 ✭✭✭PMBC


    It is a very sad time but mostly from what Ive read it brings out the best in people. At the risk of seeming to trivialise the discussion I also read recently that therapeutically administered LSD can be very beneficial.
    Finally I have a strong interest in Near Death Experiences, but have never had one or met anyone who had had one


  • #6
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,041 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Mod: Let's not get sidetracked into NDEs, take them to the Paranormal forum. The forum does not have to be totally humourless, but if you are doubtful about trivialising a subject then maybe rethink your post.


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  • #7
    Duiske
    Registered Users Posts: 3,087 ✭✭✭Duiske


    The Princess Bride wrote: »
    I would imagine one of the hardest things is feeling that nobody else knows what you're going through or can relate to your emotions.
    In my personal and professional experience, too many people say the wrong thing and without meaning to, can further upset the person who is grieving.

    I was one of the commentors on the Forum Request thread asking for this forum to be opened. I'd said at the time that I was probably looking to read other peoples thoughts rather than contribute myself. And there was a good reason (or so it seemed at the time) why I didn't really want to discuss it, and it was down to what Looksee mentioned above, those emotions that make you feel like they are wrong or selfish. My dad was extremely ill at the time and passed away about 5 weeks later. I've pretty much rationalized those "wrong/selfish" thoughts in my mind and from discussing it with others realise now that what I was going through was not uncommon. My problem is though, is it ok to have a full and honest discussion from the viewpoint of the relative, all the while knowing that there are people with terminal illness's looking on ?. Maybe it's just me and I'm over-thinking it or perhaps I still haven't totally come to terms with those awful few months, but due to the very nature of the forum and the possible circumstances of the people using it there are aspects of the experience I would be very reluctant to discuss. Maybe others feel the same ?


  • #8
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users Posts: 18,581 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Duiske, have you considered that you're grieving and that it's perfectly normal?
    I'd say , say whatever it is you need to say.
    Nobody should judge you but if any one person can help you in any way, however small, well then it'll have been worth your while posting.


  • #9
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,041 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I think that anyone coming to this forum is looking for a discussion.

    Communication can be very difficult as a terminal illness moves on. Both sides are reluctant to say anything for fear of upsetting the other side. Seeing the concerns of the carers could well be an opportunity for a person with a terminal illness to express, or to explore how they can express, what they want to say - and vice versa.

    Anyone in denial of the situation - and the person I was caring for was in total denial all along - will not be on the forum. I would add, as an aside, that I do not think there is anything 'wrong' about being in denial, people deal with situations as they are able.


  • #10
    green n gold
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭green n gold


    I'm possibly risking a slap on the wrists here for bumping an old thread but I'm glad to see lately this forum section is starting to blossom in to the helpful supportive one that I think many hoped it would be. Credit to all those posting :)


  • #11
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,424 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    I certainly wouldn't call this an "old" thread, sure the forum has barely cut its teeth. It's certainly showing its worth though, well done all :)


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