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Struggling to move on

  • 24-05-2019 12:22am
    #1
    blarb
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭


    Hi folks,

    Not sure what I expect from posting here but I suppose I am just looking for reassurance/ encouragement in trying to move on from an ex.

    I am 5 months out of a 1 year relationship. It was overall a lovely and healthy relationship but he ultimately didn't want it to get deeper. He is separated (a couple of years) and has a child which complicated things I guess. I wasn't putting any pressure on him as I was happy as we were, enjoying his company etc, until I hit a point where I wanted to know more was possible. I let him know and we broke up as a result.

    It was an amicable break up, he was never anything but a gent, and we got on well on all other levels (values, communication, fun, sex).

    I am mostly back to myself now (it was really tough for while) but I still miss him every day. I avoided contacting him through the worst of it, to help me try to move on. But it feels like whether I am in contact with him or not I miss him and the sadness is there anyway. He was up for hanging out as friends but it was too hard for me.

    Has anyone got any words of wisdom about how to maintain hope that I will find someone I click with on all those levels again? It honestly has been rare for me and makes it hard to move on. I am putting myself "out there". I have plenty going on my life (in fact my life is pretty good otherwise!), so it's annoying to be carrying around this weighty sadness! Maybe I'm just being impatient?

    I also hate that I still harbour hope for him and me, telling myself that it was a timing thing, and maybe the timing will be better some day.


    TLDR: I fell in love with him, he didn't fall in love with me, I'm struggling to move on. Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    he seems like a decent honest guy who didnt strong you along. you're human. you fell in love. 5 months on is probably hitting the time where you're realising its over so grieve for whats gone.
    you'll come through it for sure. it just takes time.

    go easy on yourself and give it all the time it needs and when you're starting to feel well again you'll know.
    good luck.


  • #3
    starbaby2003
    Registered Users Posts: 664 ✭✭✭starbaby2003


    Look at the positives, you formed a loving relationship with someone who seems really nice. You might be in different stages of your lives but you now know ( not sure what previous if any relationships are like ) what you deserve and what you expect out of a relationship. That is a great position to be in 😊. You will wake up some morning soon, it won’t hurt anymore and you will be thankful for what you learned. Unfortunately time is the only healer, especially when you are still harbouring feelings for him.


  • #4
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    You did the right thing.He wasn't the one you were meant to be with.

    When you meet the person who is right for you to be with you will just be with them. And they will love you.

    He wasn't this person. He was someone else entirely.

    Someday you will probably even be able to have him as a friend.

    OF COURSE YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE. :)

    That's why you couldn't be with this person so you could have the real relationship, your soulmate.


  • #5
    blarb
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭blarb


    Thank you for your replies, they mean a lot, as I'm feeling particularly lonely at the minute. I have wonderful and supportive friends and family, but I am trying not to bring him up in conversation with them any more. I feel embarrassed to be still dwelling on him to be honest.

    I have just had a couple of very short relationships throughout my twenties, due to a mixture of lack of self confidence (back then) and then just not really clicking with anyone. Sometimes I wondered if my standards were too high, but then I met him and now I realise that maybe they're not. As I said, in every other way he was a really great guy and although he couldn't say he loved me, I felt loved by him, in how caring he was while we were together. Which was a wonderful feeling while it lasted, so I am thankful to know it's possible :)

    And I know now that I deserve someone who can be in a full real relationship with me, and not keep me at arms length. It just feels like I'm dragging my heart along with my brain/gut instinct these days, and it's tiring, but I am hopeful that it will eventually be worth this short term pain. As you said ILoveYourVibes - the right one won't be afraid to be with me fully. It is just hard to remember this sometimes!


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