Meeting a tinder match who lives 2 hours away

bonomccabe · 16-05-2019 9:20am #1

Hi Everyone,

So I am going anon for this. I have another account but would rather keep this one private. I have been on Tinder a while now and haven't had much luck. Some of my matches disappear, don't reply, or are just non-engaging in chat. Anyway, I matched with a woman about a week ago. She seems great and going by chats so far, we seem to have lots in common, similar age, backgrounds etc. She is attractive in her photos and this hasn't happened in a while after months of Tinder and no joy.

So she seems pretty genuine. The only thing is I live in a rural area. She lives in Dublin. Now I suggested meeting up last night for a date and she said she would love to. So this sounds great.

The only thing she isn't free until the 8th of June as she is off work for 10 days from the end of May. I have different family stuff on this weekend, as does she and the following one. Weekdays are not suitable to meet due to my working hours at the moment and the two hour drive each way (maybe 1 hour 45 depending on traffic).

My dilemma is should I be planning towards this meeting as it is so far into the future? Even if we do date and we click (we may not in person), is a long distance relationship worth it? Being realistic, it would be a weekend relationship if it ever got that far. The logistics of it make it a bit difficult. I am wondering if I should be committing to plans for 3 weeks away?

Just wondering should be focusing on matching with someone closer to home? If anyone has had a relationship along distance, please let me know your experience of it and how it panned out, or didn't. Thanks in advance. I may sound ridiculous but we have a great connection so far, at least online. If that counts for much these days, maybe not!

Thanks for any replies,
Bono.

lukesmom · 16-05-2019 9:25am

Hey if you have a great connection then go for it. 2 hours is not a whole lot of you get on great. There's nothing wrong with making a plan for 3 weeks away just be sure to keep in touch and maybe a phone call too before.

bonomccabe · 16-05-2019 9:36am

lukesmom wrote: »

Hey if you have a great connection then go for it. 2 hours is not a whole lot of you get on great. There's nothing wrong with making a plan for 3 weeks away just be sure to keep in touch and maybe a phone call too before.

Thanks Lukesmom. I think keeping in touch is important. Maybe I should just go for it. Cheers for the reply!

stargazer 68 · 16-05-2019 9:36am

Op when I met my now husband online he lived in Limerick and I live in Dublin. We made it work. 2 hours is not that far - yes its awkward as you can't just meet up for dinner or a drink at the drop of a hat but don't dismiss it until you at least give it a try.

woodchuck · 16-05-2019 9:43am

OP I think you should go ahead with the date and just see what happens!

I wouldn't be a fan of long distance relationships myself, but as you're living in a rural area, I think you need to be realistic. What are you chances of meeting someone closer to home? I'm imagining they're not great if you're talking to people who live ~2hrs away.

This is only a first date though. Don't overthink it at this stage. Often people click online, but not in person, so you're definitely getting ahead of yourself! However if things do go well and start to become more serious down the line (with her or someone else), then you can consider your living arrangements together - one or both of you would eventually have to move.

Dial Hard · 16-05-2019 10:58am

It wouldn't be for me, sorry. Things are difficult enough in the early days without adding even more layers of logistics to the mix. Plus, even taking the distance out of the equation, it seems like you both have a lot going on. In my experience, if the first date is proving so difficult to schedule, so will any future ones.

I'd be inclined to leave this one, tbh.

Xterminator · 16-05-2019 12:11pm

What have you to lose?

One date, and if it doesnt go well you will never see her again. if it does go well and there are follow up dates then it was well worth it.

i think you are over analyzing, worrying and possibly self sabotaging. You can never fail if you never try sort of mindset here.

Let go of the what if's and just relax and enjoy it for what it is, one evening with pleasant company.

wiggle16 · 16-05-2019 5:25pm

Can she meet you at some point halfway between Dublin and where you are living? Obviously it depends where you are coming from but most of the satellite towns have nice places you could go on a date and they are accessible by public transport from Dublin if she doesn't drive. No reason why you should be doing all of the travelling.

As for planning, confirm your arrangements about a week before the 8th. Sounds like you both have busy enough lives but a week gives both of you time to sort out your schedules without seeming too intense or planning too far ahead.

I don't know if that kind of a distance would be for me, but it's each to their own - I wouldn't call it a long distance relationship anyway. The term "long distance relationship" typically implies that the couple can't have in-person contact for extended periods (weeks or months) because of distance; this doesn't have to be the case with yous.

Good luck and enjoy

lainey_d_123 · 16-05-2019 8:01pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

It wouldn't be for me, sorry. Things are difficult enough in the early days without adding even more layers of logistics to the mix. Plus, even taking the distance out of the equation, it seems like you both have a lot going on. In my experience, if the first date is proving so difficult to schedule, so will any future ones.

I'd be inclined to leave this one, tbh.

I'd have to disagree. 2 hours isn't that much at all. I've had plenty of situations where a first date has been delayed due to various factors, but once we met up and got on, things became easier. I wouldn't change my plans for a randomer from an app who I've never even met yet, but if I started dating that person and it was going well, then I'd be fine with making the effort to see them.

Ursus Horribilis · 16-05-2019 8:18pm

This could all be a kerfuffle about nothing - you won't know until you actually meet her if this is something worth pursuing.

2 hours isn't ideal but I wouldn't necessarily shoot a potential relationship based simply on that. Having said that, unless you think either you or her will ultimately be moving location, you're at nothing.

callaway92 · 17-05-2019 10:18am

My big worry for you is that by the time 8th June comes around, things will have fizzled out and interest will be gone.. Maybe for both of you.

Church on Tuesday · 19-05-2019 10:49pm

bonomccabe wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

So I am going anon for this. I have another account but would rather keep this one private. I have been on Tinder a while now and haven't had much luck. Some of my matches disappear, don't reply, or are just non-engaging in chat. Anyway, I matched with a woman about a week ago. She seems great and going by chats so far, we seem to have lots in common, similar age, backgrounds etc. She is attractive in her photos and this hasn't happened in a while after months of Tinder and no joy.

So she seems pretty genuine. The only thing is I live in a rural area. She lives in Dublin. Now I suggested meeting up last night for a date and she said she would love to. So this sounds great.

The only thing she isn't free until the 8th of June as she is off work for 10 days from the end of May. I have different family stuff on this weekend, as does she and the following one. Weekdays are not suitable to meet due to my working hours at the moment and the two hour drive each way (maybe 1 hour 45 depending on traffic).

My dilemma is should I be planning towards this meeting as it is so far into the future? Even if we do date and we click (we may not in person), is a long distance relationship worth it? Being realistic, it would be a weekend relationship if it ever got that far. The logistics of it make it a bit difficult. I am wondering if I should be committing to plans for 3 weeks away?

Just wondering should be focusing on matching with someone closer to home? If anyone has had a relationship along distance, please let me know your experience of it and how it panned out, or didn't. Thanks in advance. I may sound ridiculous but we have a great connection so far, at least online. If that counts for much these days, maybe not!

Thanks for any replies,
Bono.

That does sound great; it shows she has a high attraction level for you. She, I assume, didn't give lame excuses initially and would appear to be fairly eager to meet. That's a good sign, if a woman is really interested in you, she will make it very easy to meet up with you.

You set a definitive date, she likes that trust me. Don't deviate from that and don't change from the 8th. One thing I will say is that I would keep contact to a minimum from here on in esp coming up to the date; let the anticipation of the date build for her because if you both keep chatting away endlessly she may lose interest if she has nothing to find out about you when you meet in person, just bare that in mind.

Two hours is no big deal. If you both find after a few dates that you are mad about each other, it really won't matter, most people are busy these days anyways, and in the early days it will only be a weekend thing in any event.

I've a mate who's engaged and his fiancee is from Wicklow, he from Roscommon. They did long distance for about five years and have been living together for nearly the same now. It can work if both want it to work.

Best of luck and above all have a fun date!

bonomccabe · 20-05-2019 3:48pm

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the replies. Some good advice here and experiences. I am very interested, just doubt myself sometimes. I would hate to be rejected or something like that after weeks of chatting and getting to know each other, albeit over messages.

It will be another 2 weeks from this Saturday that we are meeting or supposed to be. I am or was concerned the thing may have fizzled before it starting as one poster rightly mentioned, due to the amount of time involved in matching and meeting in person.

I'll give it a go sure as it seems we could be a good match in real life. Won't know until the date itself. Hoping the spark will be there in RL too. I know it might be very disappointing if it isn't but shur look, life is full of risks I guess in every way.

Lots seem to have done relationships with a bit of distance and migrated them to living together eventually. I'll not jump then gun too early but I will keep optimistic. Meanwhile, I suppose I shouldn't put my eggs in one basket just in case? I would like to meet my serious partner at this stage, am 30 years old. Thanks a lot for advice so far

bonomccabe · 20-05-2019 3:51pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

It wouldn't be for me, sorry. Things are difficult enough in the early days without adding even more layers of logistics to the mix. Plus, even taking the distance out of the equation, it seems like you both have a lot going on. In my experience, if the first date is proving so difficult to schedule, so will any future ones.

I'd be inclined to leave this one, tbh.

Thanks for the input Dial Hard. Those were my thoughts as well to be honest. I am thinking to check in about a week before we're due to meet to confirm. Like I'll broach the date itself then and that's give lots of time if this lady wants to cancel or changes her mind. Hopefully she doesn't but yea, it's not ideal I know. I live in the sticks and no chance of meeting anyone here from what I've found so far. Wouldn't rule out moving closer to the city eventually I suppose, thanks.

theguzman · 21-05-2019 7:14pm

I dated a girl from Tinder who worked in the middle East, admittedly I was there when we matched. I got to see a lot of the world and racked up a nice chunk of airmiles, I spent maybe €6 - €7k on the relationship, over the year and few months it lasted.

I have absolutely no regrets and we are still friends. Go for it, Tinder has revolutionised dating for people like me who despise the alcoholic fuelled pub/dating scene in Ireland. I'd have spent alot of that money on drink if I was a drinker anyway. Now I am dating a really sweet girl from Brazil at the moment whom I met on tinder and like yourself shes in Dublin and I'm 3hrs away by Train.

supremenovice · 21-05-2019 8:50pm

Like you OP, I also have had years of a lot of 'meh' experiences with online dating. Then, one day, I met a girl who lived 45mins from me who also had a young daughter. Sadly, it didn't work out but I would have swam to China to be with her. So, don't let distance or anything else be the deciding factor - just passion!

Meeting a tinder match who lives 2 hours away

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