Rude Neighbour

needadvi · 26-07-2011 6:16pm #1

I moved into this house a few months ago, the house next to ours was empty when we moved in but a month later a young couple moved in. My husband and I tend to keep to ourselves but these neighbours seemed to be very friendly. The girl so bubbly and outgoing, it was hard not to stop and have a chat with her and she was always outside looking for someone to have a chat with. So we were getting on great and as the months went by I began to think that we had the perfect neighbours. However, two months ago, the guy next door knocked on our door and asked us if we could keep it down a bit because their son was sleeping.
I felt bad and ashamed because I didn't know they could hear us talking and I have a son myself. So we talked at a lower volume and we turned down the tv.
So that was the end of that, from then on, lower voices and lower tv. But then I noticed that the girl started ignoring me, not saying hi and not being friendly as usual. I wondered why she was behaving this way. After a few months of her looking at me with a sour face and stuff I got the picture.
Why do people go from being extra friendly to extremely bitter? It's not like we ignored their request to keep it down. Sometimes I feel like moving because she seems so hostile towards us. Any advice on what;s happening here?

uberwolf · 26-07-2011 6:35pm

is there any chance that there is a level of noise transmitting between the two properties that you're not aware of?
That kind of thing can really fester, when someone feels that your actions are invading their sanctum.

Ask her.

antiskeptic · 26-07-2011 7:16pm

uberwolf wrote: »

is there any chance that there is a level of noise transmitting between the two properties that you're not aware of?
That kind of thing can really fester, when someone feels that your actions are invading their sanctum.

Ask her.

+1

They might feel that despite being asked you're ignoring their request. Although you've done nothing wrong in particular, taking an apologetic approach (which it sound's like you would do) would be helpful. It's hard to remain angry with someone whose being apologetic.

Zamboni · 26-07-2011 7:20pm

Life is too short to care about what other people think.
Ignore them.

lainey316 · 26-07-2011 8:46pm

uberwolf wrote: »

is there any chance that there is a level of noise transmitting between the two properties that you're not aware of?
That kind of thing can really fester, when someone feels that your actions are invading their sanctum.

Ask her.

Any possibility you could move the TV to the non-adjoining wall? I realise that's not always possible. I would talk to her tho - I had a terrible experience with an upstairs neighbour who just wouldn't manage his volume, and all discussions on it were confrontational after the first couple. Had an issue with another guy, he's very understanding and open to talk, invited me in, explained things, we worked out something (I think)... but it was necessary to explain the issue. YOu don't know what their issue is really (it's build quality at the core) so unless you talk to them it'll just go on and on

Oh and check the bass settings on your TV - a lot of low end travels through the walls, so if you have a sub woofer or some other bass emphasis it is going to go through them

needadvi · 26-07-2011 9:23pm

Thanks for all the responses. What I am gathering from the responses is that she may be angry and perhaps our normal daily activities can still be heard by her....which is sad for both of us, because both her quality of living and mine are not satisfactory. For her because perhaps she can still hear noise despite our best efforts to keep it down, and for me because I can't seem to relax. Sometimes My son shouts and crys loudly and I wonder if they can hear it, and I can never really relax whilst worrying about these things. I wouldn't dare ask her, because she looks at me with a scowl on her face. Her boyfriend is still cool though. I will try to ignore her....don't have much of a choice seeing as she is already ignoring me. Thanks for the responses guys.

Juwwi · 26-07-2011 9:32pm

If her boyfriend is still being friendly maybe get your husband to ask him
if the noise can still be heard.

Can you's ever hear them through the walls?

needadvi · 26-07-2011 10:44pm

Hi Robbie, thanks for your contribution and I like the way you think! Yes I can hear them through the walls but only in the morning time. I usually wake up to what seems like very loud music, as I can hear every song they play. I know it's not as loud as I imagine it is as I only ever hear this in the mornings when our house is quiet and my son hasn't awoken from his sleep. Most times I don't hear anything, apart from the music in the mornings. I actually wake up to it and then sing along to it before getting up and getting ready for the day. I'm thinking my hubby can ask though, if he is willing to ask, if not I think we will have to move on someplace else. But Good way of thinking Robbie.

January · 26-07-2011 10:45pm

Maybe the husband is controlling and has told her not to speak to you again?? You don't know what goes on behind closed doors... I wouldn't take it too personally... but just keep in mind that she may not be being rude... but be being forced into it.

lainey316 · 26-07-2011 10:47pm

If you can hear someone else's music to the point where you can recognise the song - get out. You're in cardboard land. It's unresolvable, and the builder should be sued, if he had any money left

There's an estate near my home where you can hear people flushing toilets and slamming doors TWO houses down..

Zamboni · 27-07-2011 12:03am

needadvi wrote: »

I'm thinking my hubby can ask though, if he is willing to ask, if not I think we will have to move on someplace else. But Good way of thinking Robbie.

Move on someplace else because a neighbour is unfriendly?
You fulfilled their request. If they're not happy, tough!

January wrote: »

Maybe the husband is controlling and has told her not to speak to you again?? You don't know what goes on behind closed doors... I wouldn't take it too personally... but just keep in mind that she may not be being rude... but be being forced into it.

You must live in a world where all men are controlling bastards to even come up with melodramatic idle speculation like that.

the_syco · 27-07-2011 12:52am

needadvi wrote: »

For her because perhaps she can still hear noise despite our best efforts to keep it down, and for me because I can't seem to relax. Sometimes My son shouts and crys loudly and I wonder if they can hear it, and I can never really relax whilst worrying about these things.

lainey316 wrote: »

If you can hear someone else's music to the point where you can recognise the song - get out. You're in cardboard land. It's unresolvable, and the builder should be sued, if he had any money left

There's an estate near my home where you can hear people flushing toilets and slamming doors TWO houses down..

Agreed. OP: if you can't relax, and can hear all the things next door, move. Or, as bridges have been burnt, f**k them, chill out, and enjoy life.

January · 27-07-2011 8:53am

Zamboni wrote: »

Move on someplace else because a neighbour is unfriendly?
You fulfilled their request. If they're not happy, tough!

You must live in a world where all men are controlling bastards to even come up with melodramatic idle speculation like that.

Fortunately I don't, but I did when I was younger, thankfully it was nobody in my family, but it was a neighbour and what started as him controlling his wife but making her not speak to any of the neighbours ended in him smashing her head against the garden wall while the neighbours tried to pull him off her.

Just realise that she may not be being rude for the sake of it.

dublogic · 27-07-2011 8:45pm

@zAMBONI - YOUR AN ASSHOLE. (normally this would constitute banning however given that the poster himself will ignore it surely its ok? )

The_Conductor · 28-07-2011 9:56am

dublogic wrote: »

@zAMBONI - YOUR AN ASSHOLE. (normally this would constitute banning however given that the poster himself will ignore it surely its ok? )

I don't care whether the poster themselves will ignore your abusive comment or not- you're getting a 4 day posting ban, for posting it. Please comply with the Forum charter on the elapse of the 4 day ban. If you want to sling abuse at one another- take it to After Hours or elsewhere, this is *not* an appropriate venue.

Mr. Presentable · 28-07-2011 10:02am

OP, can you look into sound proofing for the dividing wall? Are you both owner-occupiers? Maybe your neighbour could share the cost.

It would seem the problem is with the quality of the construction.

stargazer 68 · 28-07-2011 10:05am

Well the house next door to me is occupied by a young couple - fairly okay. But the construction is the pits - I could hear the guy painting one day!! Anyway he sings and plays guitar - not very well but he clearly things he is fabulous.

Their house is up for sale at the moment so see who moves in - Im renting so I can move if they sing worse than he does!

bastados · 28-07-2011 10:07am

January wrote: »

Fortunately I don't, but I did when I was younger, thankfully it was nobody in my family, but it was a neighbour and what started as him controlling his wife but making her not speak to any of the neighbours ended in him smashing her head against the garden wall while the neighbours tried to pull him off her.

Just realise that she may not be being rude for the sake of it.

Yes...behind closed doors who knows what goes on.

The OP cant figure out why the neighbours are behaving so badly seemed to suggest there is a facade we have no knowledge of here.

ronan45 · 28-07-2011 10:08am

OP Just do your best to keep the noise down. I would continue to give a smile, let them have their snout and puss. You have not done anything wrong:)

omega666 · 28-07-2011 11:01am

this is pure speculation, the problem may not even be with the noise.

OP would you not just ask your neighbour what the problem is?

its not difficult e.g. " Hi Mrs Neighbour, Ive noticed things have been a bit
stange for a while, is there anything causing a problem?

Cant believe you would prefer to move house than ask what the problem is.

Rude Neighbour

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