2021 Bride/Groom

Teach30 · 04-05-2021 12:15am

confusticated wrote: »

That sounds really tough, and kind of lonely. Is there anyone you can talk to about it? I know it won't change the facts of what's allowed and who would be going but just to stop the thoughts going round in your head even. It's much easier said than done but could you focus on the stuff after the wedding? You're moving into your new house with your husband then right?

Thanks for the nice reply, I think people especially friends find it difficult to empathise as they have all had their big day so they dont really get how low I feel. I also try and remain upbeat to others in day to day situations so they think I’m kinda ok about it. Your so right focus on the bigger post wedding things is what I should be doing but all I can think about is other work friends who have booked theirs for next year and who will be able to enjoy the lead up to it. I’m so envious of their situations and so angry at myself for being like this.

Life will go on after this and I know that day will be fine but it’s just with my own family being older there will be no fun element to the day. That’s what probably disappoints me the most and I can’t shake off the sense of dread about it all. Just the two of us and two witnesses not an option either as he wants family, they’d be closer than I would be to mine so that’s important too. It’s Not all about me.

Anyways my day two idea prob not an option as ye say the hotel prob won’t allow it. I don’t know how I will mentally survive the next few weeks such is the resentment towards it and the guests I have to invite.

ShortAPennt · 04-05-2021 9:32am

Teach30 wrote: »

Thanks for the nice reply, I think people especially friends find it difficult to empathise as they have all had their big day so they dont really get how low I feel. I also try and remain upbeat to others in day to day situations so they think I’m kinda ok about it. Your so right focus on the bigger post wedding things is what I should be doing but all I can think about is other work friends who have booked theirs for next year and who will be able to enjoy the lead up to it. I’m so envious of their situations and so angry at myself for being like this.

Life will go on after this and I know that day will be fine but it’s just with my own family being older there will be no fun element to the day. That’s what probably disappoints me the most and I can’t shake off the sense of dread about it all. Just the two of us and two witnesses not an option either as he wants family, they’d be closer than I would be to mine so that’s important too. It’s Not all about me.

Anyways my day two idea prob not an option as ye say the hotel prob won’t allow it. I don’t know how I will mentally survive the next few weeks such is the resentment towards it and the guests I have to invite.

I am so sorry to hear this.... we are also June and going ahead with 25 mainly family plus bridal party. We thought about having more friends on the list but found it too hard to balance.

Would you consider inviting some friends to the ceremony only? That way you could look forward to the excitement of seeing them on the day?

Teach30 · 04-05-2021 5:07pm

ShortAPennt wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear this.... we are also June and going ahead with 25 mainly family plus bridal party. We thought about having more friends on the list but found it too hard to balance.

Would you consider inviting some friends to the ceremony only? That way you could look forward to the excitement of seeing them on the day?

Thank you, while it’s a nice idea I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending people away after the church. It’s all or nothing really. Praying we find out more definite news over next few weeks as suppliers now looking for numbers which is a head wreck.

Struggling to see positives from this whole scenario, yes we will be married but I can’t see it being a joyful day that I’ll want to remember. The photographer won’t even have much to do once church photos are over, I don’t see need for him to come to reception so trying to get him to reduce his price but he won’t back down.

ShortAPennt · 04-05-2021 5:38pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Thank you, while it’s a nice idea I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending people away after the church. It’s all or nothing really. Praying we find out more definite news over next few weeks as suppliers now looking for numbers which is a head wreck.

Struggling to see positives from this whole scenario, yes we will be married but I can’t see it being a joyful day that I’ll want to remember. The photographer won’t even have much to do once church photos are over, I don’t see need for him to come to reception so trying to get him to reduce his price but he won’t back down.

I completely understand..... I have to say I don't like the idea of only inviting people to the ceremony either but thought it might help.
And you definitely won't consider postponing again?
Even for a few months when the likelihood of numbers will go up? I know you have already postponed but this time at least it would be nearly certain to go up from 25 and you could plan a day you would enjoy....... I get the hassell of rearranging suppliers but it would be a few days of admin for essentially a day that you would want to remember..... or who knows maybe the idea of the 25 will grow on you and your feelings towards the day will change.Or have you thought about ditching the 25 if you don't think you will like their company and just eloping yourselves if the marriage part is or immediate importance?

woodchuck · 04-05-2021 6:06pm

ShortAPennt wrote: »

And you definitely won't consider postponing again?
Even for a few months when the likelihood of numbers will go up? I know you have already postponed but this time at least it would be nearly certain to go up from 25 and you could plan a day you would enjoy....... I get the hassell of rearranging suppliers but it would be a few days of admin for essentially a day that you would want to remember.....

Tbh I agree you should give this option more consideration. I know it's an absolute headache postponing again (been there!), but you sound absolutely miserable going ahead with 25 guests. A few months could make a huge difference to your enjoyment of the day. There's a lot more certainty ahead now with the vaccine rollout. The days of flip-flopping back and forth between lockdowns/restrictions should be behind us soon.

And I know you said you'd lose your choice suppliers, but what's more important, having the best suppliers there on the day or having your best friends there on the day?

Teach30 · 04-05-2021 9:38pm

woodchuck wrote: »

And I know you said you'd lose your choice suppliers, but what's more important, having the best suppliers there on the day or having your best friends there on the day?

You so right and if I was giving advice to a friend I’d say the exact same thing but as we aren’t living together until married that makes the decision to change more difficult and as I’m a teacher there are no weekend dates left for rest of year. Very hard to justify taking days off before and after when we get such good summer holidays. Plus all my friends are teachers so can’t ask them to take days midweek for essentially a party as they wouldnt get days off anyways.

Finally I guess I chose the best of everything to treat my guests, changing the few suppliers I had picked would alter the feel of the day I had planned for them. My own family won’t appreciate a thing I have picked, but I know my friends would so deep down I know suppliers are pointless now whether I change or not. I know we could have the party some other time but no one in my family supports this which makes me sad too. Partner not a fan either so we’re making the decision together to avoid that at all costs as it will make it a much more expensive day.

You’ve been very good to offer me advice and dont worry I’ve explored all the options (it’s constantly in my head) sorry for being so negative. I dont like talking about it to real life people as I know I come across as being very bitter about it all and I think people are avoiding me now in case it comes up in conversation and I get upset/go on a rant. I’m usually level headed but this has really affected my personality. I’m not even a nice teacher anymore tbh.

I just have to make my peace with 25 guests and get over my fear of how drab an occasion it’ll be.

Neyite · 05-05-2021 11:11am

I think most of us are putting on a brave face of it to the real world - this thread is where I can have a moan or a rant.

Nobody who isn't planning a wedding during a pandemic fully get it. Even women who planned their own weddings and found it stressful and I'm saying to them, right, now imagine doing that AND having to worry that there will be a government announcement the day before. Imagine not having had a haircut or colour for 4 months before your day. Or how do you get rings? Or underwear for under the dress. Or your celebrant develops covid symptoms three days before? Imagine being told you can get married but you can only have 6 people there, no music, no dancing, no indoor dining, no bar, a curfew and no hotel to stay in? It's pretty demoralising.

I wasn't one for the frills. All I wanted was to have our immediate family around me when we get married. But several are stuck abroad, and others would still be cocooning as a family and not vaccinated in time so even though I'd be happy with 25 guests and nothing else, I cant even get that because the ones I want there can't be there. I can put it off until next year if I need to. I think I'm going to ask the priest about availability for 2022.

zedhead · 05-05-2021 12:45pm

I think Neyite is so right. It has been so hard. When we first started planning I was so laid back about things - very go with the flow. It will all work out on the day, but Covid has turned me into a wreck worrying about every little detail.

We are 2 days out now and while I am glad that we are going ahead and very excited about it, I still wish it had been different. My sister and niece not being able to be here due to travel restrictions our other niece and nephew missing it and Our other siblings partners due to only being allowed 6 guests.

We're lucky that we found a hotel to host so we can have the indoor dinner and the hotel stay. I'm lucky my friends are all amazing and planning on coming to see us outside the venue to get some socially distanced photos and spend a little bit of time with us - even if its limited.
But it feels a little bit of a letdown to be heading home the next day instead of off on a nice minimoon somewhere in the country. Plus having people ask us with pity in our voices are we not sad that things didn't work out the way we originally wanted. Like this wedding is a consolation prize or something. I refuse to see it that way myself - we are going to have a beautiful day filled with love and happiness.

confusticated · 05-05-2021 2:27pm

I definitely feel the stress of things changing in a very short timeframe and having all these backup plans. I don't think my parents got that really all along until it was a real possibility of not having my siblings there and then they realised how hard it is to plan for anything!

Having said that, we're in an easier situation than most, as our immediate families are small and all in Ireland, and we have a lot of friends in the same situation with wedding planning/postponing. Two of my friends got married in the last year, we got to the ceremony of one and didn't manage to get to the other (it was abroad) and I was really sad to miss the second one but delighted for them that they had an amazing wedding day and they had their immediate families there. I have another three friends who have postponed to later this year or next year, and have said to them and to other friends planning for this year not to worry if they need to cut numbers, we're happy to not go if it means they can still have their day. Since we sent out invitations (with a caveat that if restrictions change we might have to reduce the list again) we've had lots of friends and family offering to come solo or saying to leave them out if we need to, or that if they can only attend the ceremony that's fine etc. It's been incredibly helpful, even though we hope all 50 of them can come but the goodwill has been so nice.

Neyite · 06-05-2021 12:37pm

I've done it, postponed to 2022.

I feel quite relieved tbh. We had hoped that our house move (including some renovations) would have been completed well before the wedding but I could only get certain tradies to come around the wedding date so between the massive job of moving and trying to do the wedding logistics and full time work, I just hadn't the time for both.

So that was a big reason, then there were the others - only some people vaccinated, key family members stuck abroad and the restrictions that could very well play into it even in July with numbers, entertainment and all that.

So now, I've got breathing space and I'm glad. We can focus on our home this year and the wedding next year with all the fun stuff and hopefully minimal restrictions.

confusticated · 06-05-2021 12:58pm

That's great Neyite, I think when we postponed as well we felt so much relief that we knew it was the right call. Hope ye have a fantastic day in 2022 with all the people there that ye want!

woodchuck · 06-05-2021 1:01pm

Glad you came to a decision Neyite! It sounds like the right decision for you. One of the (many...) reasons we postponed last year was because we were focusing on a house purchase/move. There's no sense piling stress upon stress.

And I know you've waited long enough at this stage, so you might as well hold out for the day you originally planned.

We're going to stick it out for Sept 2021. We think all/most of our guests should be vaccinated by then. I'd also expect to be able to have at least 25 guests (but hoping for 50 if I'm honest!). I don't even mind if there's still a curfew in place and our venue will still allow music and dancing.

The ONLY thing I'll be a little sad about is a few people from abroad not being able to attend. I.e. my brother and his girlfriend, and Mr. Woodchuck's brother and his wife. But even when we started planning pre-pandemic, I never assumed that they'd attend anyway, as it's a big ask to travel so far even under normal circumstances. So I can live with that too.

Neyite · 06-05-2021 1:11pm

You know, even if my date was a September one, I might have chanced it because there was more of a chance of everyone being vaccinated.

There's a couple abroad that still might not manage for me as well which was always fine, but they absolutely wouldn't have managed if there was quarantine to pay for at both ends of their journey.

I can actually get a bit excited about planning again.

[Deleted User] · 06-05-2021 1:59pm

I echo what the other girls have posted Neyite. You've decided to do what feels right and it will take away the awful uncertainty. You can enjoy the build up more

We are still going with October. Low numbers don't bother us but other restrictions do. Having a curfew and/or not being able to have live music would be horrible. We aren't having an official day two, just a "we'll be in the bar at such a time if you want to join us for drink/food".

If the night before is over at 11pm then we'll seriously consider a proper get together the next day.

I have another problem though. Tough times really shows us who our friends are, who we can count on. Getting married is also showing that. There are very few people in my life and it turns out some of them aren't great.

For years and years I've given my close friend a pass because she has been there for me during some difficult times. She is incredibly unreliable and cancels plans all over the shop. Now that she's my maid of honour I'm seeing things differently. I'm actually nervous that she will even turn up that day.

I know she has stuff going on right now and has 3 kids so I leave her be. I really really don't want to seem self absorbed.

Yet there is no...I dunno..fanfare from her. No asking me how the plans are going, no wanting to see ideas, no asking how I feel about restrictions, no suggestion of a Zoom hen or a Zoom call so she can "meet" my fiancée, no mention of getting together when we can travel.

She has always been a bit like this but it's more apparent to me now. My other bridesmaid opted out because she said she wouldn't have been able for it emotionally. I understand that of course, she doesn't be well. It's just a bit

I'm having a whinge is all.

Neyite · 06-05-2021 2:21pm

Is she married herself?

That's not easy - now having said that, covid has us all run ragged in different ways and many families are struggling so maybe with lockdown easing her outlook might perk up a bit.

To be honest if she's that flaky in general then I'd probably give her nothing to do except dress herself on the day and turn up.

[Deleted User] · 06-05-2021 2:27pm

Neyite wrote: »

Is she married herself?

That's not easy - now having said that, covid has us all run ragged in different ways and many families are struggling so maybe with lockdown easing her outlook might perk up a bit.

To be honest if she's that flaky in general then I'd probably give her nothing to do except dress herself on the day and turn up.

She's not. She really does have a lot going on juggling the kids and work. While my feelings are valid I do think I need to just leave it be and make peace with the reality.

Neyite · 06-05-2021 2:33pm

and in the morning Diamonds of Frost wrote: »

She's not. She really does have a lot going on juggling the kids and work. While my feelings are valid I do think I need to just leave it be and make peace with the reality.

The reason I ask because I've known women who really wanted to get married to their partners but he wouldn't propose or there was money scarcity for a wedding or whatever, and over time it turned into envy or resentment towards their friends planning weddings to the point where they avoided all and any conversations about it.

woodchuck · 06-05-2021 2:54pm

I get where you're coming from Diamonds. I've one bridesmaid and there's no fanfare. Tbh I wouldn't want any fanfare though! But it's getting to the stage now where I'm thinking about actually having a hen party again. Just something low key outdoors (depending on restrictions), or even something virtual. She hasn't mentioned anything herself though, so I think I'll have to be the one to bring it up and ask her to start helping to organise it*. I feel a little awkward about asking though, I'd much prefer if she brought it up herself

*I assume it's ok to ask her to help? I'm not sure what the norm is. I just want her to put the feelers out with our small group of friends to see if people would actually be up for something and if they are, start checking people's availability so we can pin down a date (and worry about the details later).

Neyite · 06-05-2021 4:12pm

I handpicked one person to do my hen (pre covid) because I knew that she would actually plan one I'd like. The other lunatic who wanted the job would have planned her idea of a brilliant hen, but my idea of hell. :pac: She's basically Alan from the Hangover.

redheadcork · 06-05-2021 5:48pm

People are all over the place at the moment with covid. Our original day was Saturday just gone and I thought my bridesmaid might text to say she’s thinking of me but no, nothing. I’m putting it down to the stress of covid. We don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives.

[Deleted User] · 07-05-2021 2:57pm

Neyite wrote: »

The reason I ask because I've known women who really wanted to get married to their partners but he wouldn't propose or there was money scarcity for a wedding or whatever, and over time it turned into envy or resentment towards their friends planning weddings to the point where they avoided all and any conversations about it.

Ah yes I can see how that would be an issue for some people. I don't believe that's what's happening with my friend. Of course I can't know for certain what's going on but I feel it's a combination of her own life stuff and being caught up with that.

zedhead · 09-05-2021 9:18am

I know some people are very apprehensive about going ahead with the smaller number. We had our 6 guest wedding on Friday and i can honestly say it was the most amazing day. We had it in the Merrion and the service and every little detail was totally taken care of for us. We had friends meet us outside and got to spend some time with them in Merrion Square taking some photos.l which was amazing. But to be honest the small group for ceremony and dinner was just perfect. The day flies by and i think it would have been even faster if there had been more people to have to chat to. The ceremony was so intimate and incredibly emotional. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

allym · 09-05-2021 9:55am

zedhead wrote: »

I know some people are very apprehensive about going ahead with the smaller number. We had our 6 guest wedding on Friday and i can honestly say it was the most amazing day. We had it in the Merrion and the service and every little detail was totally taken care of for us. We had friends meet us outside and got to spend some time with them in Merrion Square taking some photos.l which was amazing. But to be honest the small group for ceremony and dinner was just perfect. The day flies by and i think it would have been even faster if there had been more people to have to chat to. The ceremony was so intimate and incredibly emotional. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

Huge congratulations!! I’m delighted you enjoyed your day and that’s all that matters in the end!

woodchuck · 09-05-2021 1:32pm

Congrats zedhead! Delighted you had an amazing day

[Deleted User] · 09-05-2021 5:14pm

I think I saw you Zedhead!! I work not too far from The Merrion and as I was driving past I saw a bridal party. There was a news piece going on a few feet away from you.

Congratulations

zedhead · 09-05-2021 8:19pm

and in the morning Diamonds of Frost wrote: »

I think I saw you Zedhead!! I work not too far from The Merrion and as I was driving past I saw a bridal party. There was a news piece going on a few feet away from you.

Congratulations

Yep that was us ðŸ˜€

Neyite · 10-05-2021 3:12pm

Congratulations Zed, glad it was a wonderful day for you all

anfield90 · 10-05-2021 4:04pm

Hi everyone, first time posting here! Just looking for a few opinions. Getting married at the end of June which seems likely we'll have 25 guests, all going well. Our immediate families make up 16 leaving 9. We both have similar size group of friends and would have to pick some friends over others which I'm struggling with being honest as I'd hate to offend anyone. We're not mad into big weddings so a small wedding suits us down to the ground. Are we mad to just leave it at our family members and then celebrate with friends down the line?

Neyite · 10-05-2021 4:23pm

anfield90 wrote: »

Hi everyone, first time posting here! Just looking for a few opinions. Getting married at the end of June which seems likely we'll have 25 guests, all going well. Our immediate families make up 16 leaving 9. We both have similar size group of friends and would have to pick some friends over others which I'm struggling with being honest as I'd hate to offend anyone. We're not mad into big weddings so a small wedding suits us down to the ground. Are we mad to just leave it at our family members and then celebrate with friends down the line?

Honestly, I'd do it with just family and do the friends thing later. Save yourself heartache.

Raisins · 10-05-2021 4:53pm

anfield90 wrote: »

Hi everyone, first time posting here! Just looking for a few opinions. Getting married at the end of June which seems likely we'll have 25 guests, all going well. Our immediate families make up 16 leaving 9. We both have similar size group of friends and would have to pick some friends over others which I'm struggling with being honest as I'd hate to offend anyone. We're not mad into big weddings so a small wedding suits us down to the ground. Are we mad to just leave it at our family members and then celebrate with friends down the line?

I had the same situation and was tempted to leave it at families. Decided to take the plunge and invite some friends with a risk of causing offence to the ones left out. I have to say I was shocked by how nice people were about it. People I never thought would be unforgiving types were very kind. A lot of people said something along the lines of - I know you wanted a different day + you’re dead right to go ahead if you can + you’ve no choice with limits on numbers what can you do + we’ll have a pint together or a party down the road. A telephone call to explain goes a long way. Most right thinking people understand you didn’t set the 25 person rule and you’re put in a tough spot.

2021 Bride/Groom

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