Buffalo & Doozerie - The mild musings of two grumpy old men!

First time my correspondence to the Irish Times has been edited, I must be losing my touch.

oflahero wrote: »

It's succinct as-is. Nice job. Did it lose anything in the editing? Everyone needs a good editor.

It lost my little pun at the end. What's the point of writing to the Times, if not to have a pun published?

Although I welcome on the spot fines for cyclists, I wonder if
any moves are being made to discourage bad behaviour directed against
those on two wheels? I have lodged several complaints with the Gardaí
in the past about aggressive and dangerous drivers, and never had a
satisfactory outcome - every offending driver escaped cautions,
warnings, or points.

Earlier this year, I had a Dublin Bus overtake me with inches to spare
in a terrifying experience. It happened right in front of a Garda car,
and what was the occupant's response? "You'd be safer on the
footpath".

While I don't condone it, I fully understand why many chose to use the
footpath. Unless cyclists' complaints about dangerous driving are
treated with more seriousness by the authorities, I fear the only
difference these fines will make is to drive people out of the saddle.
- Yours, etc.

I've been sold on the idea of hairless legs for cycling for quite a while, but never got round to doing anything about it. My wife, an authority on such things, bought me a tube of Veet in-shower cream, a pain free option which led to a renewed determination to just do it, and then I let it sit on a shelf for a few months. Eventually though, I'd finally had enough, a few weeks back I came home from a sunny day ride with half the insect population of Ireland stuck to my hairy sun-creamed legs and decided that something had to be done.

So I dug out the Veet and read the instructions. Then I read them again. I read them several more times to ensure I hadn't missed any subtlety in the complex process that amounted to "slap it on, climb in shower, wipe it off". I suspect the average surgeon isn't as well prepared for open heart surgery as I was to denude my pins that fateful day. I slapped on loads of the cream, I discovered that my legs were hairier than even I had given them credit for. The instructions included dire warnings to not leave the cream on longer than 15 minutes - I pictured my legs melting and washing away down the plughole. They also warned not to use it on "sensitive areas" - given the mental images I was already conjuring up of my legs melting, I didn't need to be told twice to be careful where I put the stuff.

The stuff worked really well, the hair started to wash away as soon as I wiped at it in the shower. It was great. And then, very quickly, it went from being great to being just downright gross as the hair amassed in the base of the shower. It looked like a Yeti had been sheared in there. Ick! I needed to use a razor on those hairs that had been protected by the Yeti outer layer but by the time I emerged from the shower my legs were smooth, real smooth. And shiny too, I quickly realised that all that insulating hair had also served to subdue the blinding brightness of my pale blue Irish legs. WIthout that thick layer of hair, light now reflected off my legs like a disco ball, which was strangely awesome.

I entered that shower as Regular Man, not overly concerned about various aspects of my physical appearance, but what emerged was High-Maintenance Man who now spends more time tending to his leg hair than his head hair. In the weeks since I've struggled to relive those joyous first few days of incredibly smooth legs, as my hair fights back. So far my leg hair is winning

I tried a re-application of Veet but it proved a lot trickier when dealing with what amounted to stubble. And as I applied it this time I seemed to be throwing caution to the wind as I unwittingly ended up with the cream on parts of my arms and chest (no, I can't explain how). I initially rushed to wash it off but then stopped to consider the prospect of smooth arms, I even briefly toyed with the idea of deliberately applying it to my gorilla armpits, my only defence is that smooth skin is a weird addiction, before I sensibly washed off anything that wasn't on my legs. It wasn't a success on my legs this time though so I resorted to the razor instead and have the scars to prove it - knobbly knees suck!

I've since tried my wife's epilator too. She warned me that it hurts, so I was a little hesitant, but when I found that the pain of hairs being ripped from my shins was actually okay I attacked my upper legs with gusto. Unfortunately it turned out that my shins didn't hurt much because the nerve endings had fled to my above my knee, and there they decided to make a stand - I lost the battle against the pain after I'd done only one strip above the knee. I called a halt to it with just one leg partly done, and hid my shame under trousers.

So this is to be my life from now on, a constant battle of me versus my leg hair. It all seems quite daunting and silly, but oh that smoothness just cries out to me...

As a fellow yeti, I recently decided to whip out the hair trimmers and trim down the hairs on my legs and my chest, because it was getting uncomfortable with the heat and the sweat was just horrific.

I now regret the decision to ever put a razor near my bodily hair, as I sit here with a horribly itchy chest where my shirt is rubbing, and also at certain areas of my upper legs.

stetyrrell wrote: »

As a fellow yeti, I recently decided to whip out the hair trimmers and trim down the hairs on my legs and my chest, because it was getting uncomfortable with the heat and the sweat was just horrific.

I now regret the decision to ever put a razor near my bodily hair, as I sit here with a horribly itchy chest where my shirt is rubbing, and also at certain areas of my upper legs.

That's a newbie depilation issue, it goes away after the first couple of times.

@doozerie I'm a committed VEETer. The aerosol stuff is by far the best, although it's not cheap and I use a whole can in one go. Tesco had it cheap a couple of weeks ago so I stocked up.

Respecting time limits is critical. The biggest risks (other that overspill on sensitive areas, which I do have experience of) is slipping over on the stuff in the shower. Never do it alone in the house or with a locked bathroom door - if you knock yourself out you'll wake up in need of skin grafts.

Which brings the problem of the kids coming in to the bathroom...

Maybe a solution is one of those non-slip bath/shower mats.

TMI, etc.

joker77 wrote: »

Definitely hanging onto the hairy legs for another while after reading the last few posts.

If for no other reason than the dark, black, bottomless money pit that is a cycling addiction does not need anything else enlarging it.

Don't listen to the metrosexuals, all you need is a quick run over with a razor once a week. You even get some free stretching out of it as you do the backs of your legs:)

Guybrush T wrote: »

Don't listen to the metrosexuals, all you need is a quick run over with a razor once a week. You even get some free stretching out of it as you do the backs of your legs:)

No matter which sort of razor I use, it always ends up with blood everywhere.

joker77 wrote: »

Definitely hanging onto the hairy legs for another while after reading the last few posts.

If for no other reason than the dark, black, bottomless money pit that is a cycling addiction does not need anything else enlarging it.

Invest in an epilator. The only expense is the initial purchase cost, after that it just runs on (manly) howls and (manly) tears.

doozerie wrote: »

For that first effort the likes of Veet is definitely the way to go, I agree.

I agree too, but... the chemicals in that stuff make skin lobster-red when caressed by the feeblest rays of sun afterwards. It says so on the packet, of course, but I got fried first and read the packet second. Factor 30 all the way for me now.

Addicted to Starva .. very good - next thing you know you'll be 'searching for segments', pah!

doozerie wrote: »

It's not that I'm, you know, addicted to Strava or anything. I can give it up. Yeah, I can give it up any time that I like. I don't need it. …but I'll use it just one more time, and that'll be it, really it will. And in the meantime I'll just upload today's ride as a manual entry. Manual entries don't count though, I've still got one more ride to do …give or take.

Don't worry, you're not the only one. My Garmin occasionally a) cuts the beginning of the GPS data off my longer rides, or b) doesn't store any GPS info. It'll have the correct total distance, time, avg. speed, but no GPS. Which means no segments. Breaks my heart every time this happens.

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

Why do people shave their legs for cycling?

Have heard about if for swimming & maybe in pro cycling, but just spinning around the place?

I don't think amateur racing and timetrialling qualify as just spinning about the place.

(I don't race and my legs are suitably hirsute)

Inspector Coptoor wrote:

Why do people shave their legs for cycling?

Have heard about if for swimming & maybe in pro cycling, but just spinning around the place?

Spinning around the place? I'll have you know that my rides are so bursting with awesome that even my Garmin 705 can't contain them. Alas, the world, and Strava, shall therefore never see them and will never know. It's tragic really.

Awesomeness aside though, here are a variety of reasons why people might shave their legs, take your pick: comfort, economy of suncream, thumbing a nose to insects, pure sexiness, ease of dealing with cuts (the irony being that many of the cuts are probably caused by shaving in the first place, but anyway...), makes massage more comfortable, it frightens the neighbours, 'cos my veins deserve an audience, it frighten the dogs, it makes it easier to pull on tight-fitting lycra, it upsets Joe Duffy listeners, it leads to fewer horrific accidents of leg hair being caught in the drivetrain, ...