The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

2 Vicars in their lovely Devon parishes meet up every Tuesday for lunch at a pub in between the 2 villages. They always go for a ride on their bikes afterwards. One week one of the Vicars turns up very late, out of breath and no bike. The other asks where his bike is. And the reply is it’s been stolen from outside the church. “The problem is I don’t want to offend any of parishioners however it must have been one of them that took it I don’t know what to do” The other Vicar says my advice would be at your service next Sunday go through the 10 commandments when you get to “thou shall not steal” the guilty party will realise the error of his ways and return your bike. The following week the vicar turns up on his bike, his colleague says “The ten commandments speech worked I see” the other vicar says “Sort of, when I got to “thou shall not commit adultery” I remembered where I left it!!... boom boom

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties,throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves are in a serious car crash. Gardaí and ambulance men at the scene think all are dead until they hear a faint voice calling from the wreckage. "Mayo will win the All Ireland" said the faint voice.
"Oh thank God" said the Garda. "At least Dopey is still alive"

One day, a little boy and a little girl are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.

After much arguing to and fro, the boy drops his pants and says, "Here’s something I have that you'll never have."


The little girl is annoyed and upset by this, as what the boy says is obviously true. So she runs home to her Mom, crying.


A short time later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She goes to the boy, drops her pants and says, "My Mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"

Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With Me.

Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.

Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.

Police: Tell Me!
Me: Next to my house.

A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out :'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him."

"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?"

The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill."

Why are men as bad at having sex as they are at driving?

Because they always pull out, without giving a damn for who else might be coming.

After a long night of making love, Danny rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked Sheila if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Sheila replied, "That's me before the operation."

Heard a really blue one tonight.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are both walking down a street when they encounter a 10 year old boy.

Priest says, "Do you wanna Fcuk him?"

The Rabbi says, "Out of what"?

The phone rings and the wife answers. A pervert breathing heavily says "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair". The wife replies "yes I do, he is watching tv, who will I say is calling?"