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Washing my boyfriend's clothes...

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Comments

  • #32
    Canluum
    Registered Users Posts: 189 ✭✭Canluum


    Sybill wrote: »
    Are you mad? Why are you washing his dirty clothes???

    Would you feel alright leaving your dirty knickers on the floor for him to wash?
    I don't see the problem with that. I've washed plenty of underwear for ex gfs... even "special" friends where there was no agreed-upon commitment. If they're staying over why not just chuck it in the laundry with your own clothes? It's not any extra hassle and it save's them having to carry around dirty laundry everywhere, always nice to have some spare in case of an unplanned visit.

    This really should be so far removed from a gender or feminist issue and more just plain convenience and being polite.


  • #33
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Canluum wrote: »
    This really should be so far removed from a gender or feminist issue and more just plain convenience and being polite.

    That's pretty much it. It seems like you are making a stand because you don't want to be seen to be treated like a doormat housewife.
    Well you are not for throwing in a few jocks into the washing machine. Housework and cooking should no longer be something to back away from out of fear of becoming a domesticated slave. It's stuff that needs doing, regardless of gender. Of course one half should never do the lions share while both living together and working. You said yourself OP that he does things for you around the house too. Do you think he has the same issues that you have when you ask him to open a jar, lift something heavy, or reach for something high up?


  • #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Are his boxers dirty? You know, do they have skid marks and sticky stains? If they have then he shouldn't be leaving them for you to wash for him. He should do it himself.
    Maybe leave your own panties with skid marks on them in his place and see if he washes them or leaves them for you to take home next time you visit him.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I get where you are coming from OP. All too often it's assumed that women are responsible for things like laundry. It traditionally has been seen as a 'female job'. The reality is, your fears aren't unfounded in the sense that research shows us women still do upwards of 88% of domestic chores around the house.

    In relationships I expect equality on these sorts of things -- i.e. just because i have a vagina doesn't mean I'll be doing the laundry, the washing up or the cooking and I set out those parameters very clearly on. Unless these are equally shared tasks then I don't have a problem with it.

    I'm in a similar situation - the guy I'm seeing leaves his dirty clothes here. I just put them in a bag for him to take home with him next time he's over because it's too early in the relationship for me to gauge whether doing his laundry will be taken for granted or seen as something that's expected in the future.

    If I were you, in order to get an idea how he approaches things I'd do as others suggested - leave some dirty laundry behind at his and see what happens to it....then you'll have your answer as to whether this is a big deal or not.


  • #36
    moco
    Registered Users Posts: 972 ✭✭✭moco


    When I first read this yesterday I thought 'big deal' and that you were making an issue over nothing, but actually, I started off the way you are, washing a couple of bits and pieces my boyfriend had left behind. I'd iron them too, and he'd say 'oh you don't need to do that' but I felt it was a bit petty to leave his aside, crinkled, when I was doing my own anyway.

    Then a few months later he moved in and I ended up doing all the washing and ironing (plus cooking and everything else). He'd got so used to me doing these things that he no longer said I shouldn't bother, and didn't even say thanks or acknowledge I did it at all.

    I got fed up with feeling unappreciated and stopped with the ironing, and there's now a mountain of his clothes in the spare room. He just stuffs them unironed in a copboard if anyone comes to say.:rolleyes:

    So anyway, you may have a point lol.


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  • #37
    darad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 109 ✭✭darad


    anonymousperson wrote: »
    Are his boxers dirty? You know, do they have skid marks and sticky stains? If they have then he shouldn't be leaving them for you to wash for him. He should do it himself.
    Maybe leave your own panties with skid marks on them in his place and see if he washes them or leaves them for you to take home next time you visit him.

    Omg do you do forensics when checking your laundry, if theyve been worn and are on the floor/laundry bin/bed or whatever, then they are ready to be washed.


  • #38
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    darad wrote: »
    Omg do you do forensics when checking your laundry, if theyve been worn and are on the floor/laundry bin/bed or whatever, then they are ready to be washed.

    agreed, anonymousperson is gross


  • #39
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • #40
    curlzy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    All depends on balance really. I do all my boyfriend's washing mostly coz I get it done quicker but also coz he does more than his fair share of running to the shops and the cooking. If you're feeling hard done by though then you say it to him straight out, guys aren't always the best at picking up on subtle hints.


  • #41
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ihave a complete set of clothes in my gf's apartment. From underwear to shirts, t-shirts, jumper and jacket. Shoes, socks etc are also there. And she does ditto in my place.
    It makes sense that she washes my stuff and I hers depending on who is staying where.
    I don't see a problem at all. The only thing I will say is that girls are generally better at knowing what temperature to wash a garment in and also what clothes to put together in the wash and which ones to wash seperately.
    I learned that lesson from bitter experience, when I wash my gf's pink top with her white undies.
    It shouldn't be a problem. If I am staying the weekend in my gfs I will wash up, clean the bathroom, mop the kitchen floor for her and do the shopping. She hoovers and dusts.


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  • #42
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    silentguy wrote: »
    The only thing I will say is that girls are generally better at knowing what temperature to wash a garment in and also what clothes to put together in the wash and which ones to wash seperately.


    :eek:

    It's not something we are born with.


  • #43
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Distorted wrote:
    But then I must admit I would probably only go out with a boyfriend who had lived on his own, in his own place. I don't think people are fully rounded individuals if they haven't, and that affects relationships.
    Sorry, but that is just ridiculous. It simply means that it gives a person an insight as to what it is like to live alone - having to wash, cook, clean for themselves etc., but it doesn't nesessarily mean that they cope well with it, or make them model house-mates.

    I've lived away from my parents for years, both alone and with a partner. I'm still no whizz at it and I'm in my thirties. It certainly doesn't mean I'm not well-rounded or a bad person.

    So essentially, you wouldn't think a guy was worth the effort unless he has lived independantly from his parents? :confused:
    I don't cook either. Clearly I am not fifties housewify material...
    Cooking yourself and your partner a meal doesn't make you a personal slave to one or the other.. its called looking out for each other.
    Novella wrote: »
    I honestly wouldn't be bothered by my boyfriend leaving stuff at my place, or having to stick a t-shirt or two of his or a pair of boxers in the washing machine with my own stuff. I suppose if it's something that annoys you, say it to him but seriously, it's not exactly a big deal.
    ^ Exactly.
    Laundry Girl wrote: »
    My boyfriend does lots of things for me and I do lots of things for him, so it's not an issue that either of us are selfish or lazy, or resent each other. I love doing things for him. I just don't wanna find myself as a little wife when I'm not a wife, if you know what I mean, and think we shouldn't take anything for granted from each other. I've never lived with any of my ex-boyfriends for that reason (and also none of them were quite right anyway!).

    As others have said here LG, this really is a non-issue :)

    You said in previous posts that you really like him, everything else is going well - and you say he does little things for you, then what does it matter if a few bits of his washing gets thrown into the machine? Its really no extra trouble, and it certainly doesn't make you the 'little wifey'.

    Though, if it were me the clothes mightn't come back out the same colour they went in :pac:


  • #44
    Lemming
    Registered Users Posts: 14,148 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    WindSock wrote: »
    :eek:

    It's not something we are born with.

    They don't?! :eek:

    They lied on the russian-bride brochu .... oh wait, i've said too much :pac:


    *Ahem* to avoid bannage for pointless posting, I get the distinct impression that this is much ado about nothing. If this was reversed with a guy posting, he'd be getting told by all to "man up" and "it's just a couple of items of laundry" ,and to be perfectly honest ... they'd be right. How much effort is it to chuck it in with your own stuff? This isn't gender-specific or something that one sex is unable to do or comprehend.

    If the other half is doing their share of other stuff, or indeed also reciprocates when the need arises with the washing, then what is the big deal?

    Common sense. Use it.


  • #45
    Distorted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    Abigayle wrote: »

    So essentially, you wouldn't think a guy was worth the effort unless he has lived independantly from his parents? :confused:


    Cooking yourself and your partner a meal doesn't make you a personal slave to one or the other.. its called looking out for each other.

    Yep. Got it in one. I want a boyfriend I can admire, not a mummy's boy. The ability to fly the nest is essential for me. And I don't think treating your girlfriend as a substitute mother when visiting her is exactly looking out for each other.


  • #46
    Up de Barrs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭Up de Barrs


    silentguy wrote: »
    Ihave a complete set of clothes in my gf's apartment. From underwear to shirts, t-shirts, jumper and jacket. Shoes, socks etc are also there. And she does ditto in my place.
    It makes sense that she washes my stuff and I hers depending on who is staying where.
    I don't see a problem at all. The only thing I will say is that girls are generally better at knowing what temperature to wash a garment in and also what clothes to put together in the wash and which ones to wash seperately.
    I learned that lesson from bitter experience, when I wash my gf's pink top with her white undies.
    It shouldn't be a problem. If I am staying the weekend in my gfs I will wash up, clean the bathroom, mop the kitchen floor for her and do the shopping. She hoovers and dusts.

    I think this is pretty much the norm for couples who aren't yet living together. I'd still always say to my gf is it ok if I throw a few things in the wash, I suppose its a matter of not taking someone for granted.
    (btw a few years ago after a ONS the girl I was with put my clothes, jeans, jocks, shirt everything in the wash the following morning, - it was when you could still smoke in pubs so I suppose she thought she was doing me a favour but it was more than I was expecting)


  • #47
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Distorted wrote: »
    Yep. Got it in one. I want a boyfriend I can admire, not a mummy's boy.
    Each to their own, I guess. Though I don't believe its true, that if a guy hasn't left home that it automatically makes him a mummy's boy. I feel it would be unfair to tar every guy with the same brush to be perfectly honest. It's only in recent decades that the expectation that women should do all the housework has changed. I think that women having careers might have had a lot to do with this, duties at home had to become more balanced if two people are out working.

    I've yet to meet a guy (living with parents) that doesn't help out at home in some shape or form. I've been friends with a young guy not far off a year now, and I think he's amazing. His mum and dad works, so he'd have a dinner prepared, cleaned around the house, and took care of his younger toddler sister all day. He'd been trying to find work, and has finally got work. He still helps out where he can. And he's talking to someone who argues with the washing machine, and if it wasn't blatently obvious which side of an iron was the dangerous end, I'd be screwed. Is there something wrong with the way I was brought up? no. I was brought up washing dishes, polishing, bathroom cleaning, even was allowed to iron a few pillow cases >_>

    What I think I'm trying to say is, I wouldn't feel used if I threw a few things into the machine with my own stuff. It really is the thought that counts imo. So as far as Im concerned even if you're served a burned meal, and the washing comes out queer colours - whats behind it is love and respect for each other :)
    The ability to fly the nest is essential for me. And I don't think treating your girlfriend as a substitute mother when visiting her is exactly looking out for each other.

    You feel the OP's boyfriend is using her as a substitute mother?

    From what I can see, they have a relationship where they do nice things, small gestures for one another. It looks perfectly healthy and normal to me. If I have a wash ready to go, wheres the harm in throwing in some jocks / socks / whatever in too?

    So long as the little favours and gestures are two way then nobody is being taken advantage of imo, if these things weren't possible it would feel a little sterile to me, and I wouldn't be a happy chick tbph.


  • #48
    Distorted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    Abigayle wrote: »
    Each to their own, I guess. Though I don't believe its true, that if a guy hasn't left home that it automatically makes him a mummy's boy. I feel it would be unfair to tar every guy with the same brush to be perfectly honest. It's only in recent decades that the expectation that women should do all the housework has changed. I think that women having careers might have had a lot to do with this, duties at home had to become more balanced if two people are out working.

    I've yet to meet a guy (living with parents) that doesn't help out at home in some shape or form. I've been friends with a young guy not far off a year now, and I think he's amazing. His mum and dad works, so he'd have a dinner prepared, cleaned around the house, and took care of his younger toddler sister all day.

    If I might expand on what I said, because its an interesting point, and relates to the post. In my social circle and amongst my peers, theres no-one still living at home even in their mid twenties. They've all been through university and are working in their first professional jobs and are mainly lawyers, doctors, engineers, teachers, etc. It would be pretty hard to do any of that without leaving home. I just wouldn't know what to do with a guy of say 25 who had never lived away from home. There would be so many things you couldn't talk to him about, because he would have no personal experience of it to share, like getting mortgages, arranging insurance, paying bills, discussing former flatmates, loads of things really. I enjoy the ambition, drive and motivation of my friends because it is like my own, and whats more, many of them have lived or studied abroad for a bit too, which IMHO makes them more interesting, well rounded people. Its also about making your own way in the world, and wanting to.

    As for the washing of the boyfriend's things, I'm uncomfortable with it. I just don't see how difficult it is for him to take fresh clothes with him when needed. It seems somehow rude, presumptive and overly-familiar (they aren't living together).


  • #49
    Novella
    Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    Rude and overly-familiar? To me, it seems cold to have an issue with it. Yeah, stay over in my house, have sex with me but no way in hell can you put your boxers in my washing machine? I mean, really?


  • #50
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Distorted wrote: »
    If I might expand on what I said, because its an interesting point, and relates to the post. In my social circle and amongst my peers, theres no-one still living at home even in their mid twenties. They've all been through university and are working in their first professional jobs and are mainly lawyers, doctors, engineers, teachers, etc. It would be pretty hard to do any of that without leaving home. I just wouldn't know what to do with a guy of say 25 who had never lived away from home. There would be so many things you couldn't talk to him about, because he would have no personal experience of it to share, like getting mortgages, arranging insurance, paying bills, discussing former flatmates, loads of things really. I enjoy the ambition, drive and motivation of my friends because it is like my own, and whats more, many of them have lived or studied abroad for a bit too, which IMHO makes them more interesting, well rounded people. Its also about making your own way in the world, and wanting to.
    I don't know, I just think its wrong to exclude a guy because he simply mightn't have had the opportunity to experience the things you've listed. It's not as uncommon as you think for people in their twenties to be still living at home, to keep down their spending so they can buy a home of their own, or go travelling etc. Especially now with how things are now with the country, it just doesn't make much sense to go out renting if you can bide your time and put a few quid aside. I'm going to hazard a guess you're in around your mid-twenties yourself, because you used a 25 yo guy to use as an example. If this is the case, you might have enjoyed the benefits of the 'celtic tiger', and it sounds like you've a sensible head on your shoulders and made some good moves for yourself during this time. What we have now is a Celtic hangover, theres little work about - men and women alike are breaking the backsides trying to get work and get ahead in life, well they've their work cut out for them now.

    Sometimes there are other things to factor in as to why someone hasn't left home, or indeed might have had to return back to the family home. A guy living at home in his twenties, does not a make him a failure. Nor does it mean hes a failure if he hasn't been to university. There are plenty of people sitting on the dole now who have just been through college, can't get work because they don't have the actual work experience in their field. Is that fair? no. It's purely circumstantial that they've been thrown into the middle of it all, expected to find jobs when the country has gone A over T.

    I don't think its right to shoot a guy (or a girl for that matter) for something they mightn't have had the opportunity to experience yet. We all start somewhere, and it doesn't all happen at the same time for everyone.

    I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but just from what you've said in your posts makes me a little =/ and unless a guy meets your own personal ambitions then he's slung on the loser pile.


    As for the washing of the boyfriend's things, I'm uncomfortable with it. I just don't see how difficult it is for him to take fresh clothes with him when needed. It seems somehow rude, presumptive and overly-familiar (they aren't living together).

    I can only echo Novellas comment here.. if you're sleeping with him, you're already very familiar with him!


  • #51
    Lemming
    Registered Users Posts: 14,148 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    Abigayle wrote: »
    I'm going to hazard a guess you're in around your mid-twenties yourself, because you used a 25 yo guy to use as an example.

    My crystal ball is cynically guessing that Distorted graduated from college and left home at 23/24 *



    * Note: Anyone in college and living away from home has not left home ... I don't care if you lived in another country to do so, you haven't left home.


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  • #52
    Distorted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    Lemming wrote: »
    My crystal ball is cynically guessing that Distorted graduated from college and left home at 23/24 *



    * Note: Anyone in college and living away from home has not left home ... I don't care if you lived in another country to do so, you haven't left home.

    You would be wrong then. I left home at 18 to go to university in another country, my father having died shortly before and my mother having moved to Greece to get over the trauma of having to nurse him for so long. There was no longer any "family home". And I wasn't alone in never really going back home once I started university - don't apply your own rules to everyone.

    I think failure to launch from the nest is a bit of an Irish phonemonon. Abigayle - what you say about my belief system is correct -and thats my prerogative. Anyway, this post is not about me.


  • #53
    basecamp1
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭basecamp1


    OP I think you are doing somehting i do, over analysing. ur relationship is going smooth, dont look for problems that arent there. if a lack of thank you is bothering you, make a few off the cuff remarks. this is v small in the general scheme of things, dont make it bigger than it needs to be. good luck!!


  • #54
    Lemming
    Registered Users Posts: 14,148 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    Distorted wrote: »
    don't apply your own rules to everyone.

    Oh the irony. Said the pot to the kettle.


    And +1 to what basecamp1 just said.


  • #55
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    silentguy wrote: »
    The only thing I will say is that girls are generally better at knowing what temperature to wash a garment in and also what clothes to put together in the wash and which ones to wash seperately.

    No that's people who did physics in school

    Edit: Actually you may have a point. Seeing as female clothes are more likely to be delicate girls may have learned the hard way. Can't go too far wrong with mens clothes. Only delicate thing we wear is a suit and that gets brough to the dry cleaners


  • #56
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »
    Edit: Actually you may have a point. Seeing as female clothes are more likely to be delicate girls may have learned the hard way. Can't go too far wrong with mens clothes. Only delicate thing we wear is a suit and that gets brough to the dry cleaners
    Generally speaking, in my experience, IMHO, <insert phrase here that doesn't offend someone>, women tend to view instructions as a "How to" and follow them to the letter. Men tend to view instructions as "guidelines" and "Ah that's just the manufacturer being safe", as we throw our woolen jumper into a 90 degree wash with a 1200 rpm spin.

    We do only make major mistakes like that once though.


  • #57
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    People can we please keep this on-topic and helpful to the OP.

    Constructive advice only please.

    Thanks.


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