Flatulence

Grey Fox · 19-08-2020 10:53am #1

Hi there,

Just wondering how others cope with the need to flatulate in the company of others, hope you can describe your experiences here. On my worst days I sometimes need to fart every 30 seconds or so. Traditionally I have tried to hold them in, but as I get older I'm beginning to care less and less about social norms and more about my own interests. Also, the Irish Constitution provides for the right to bodily integrity so I dont see why I should have to endure pretty severe discomfort by holding in farts just to appease the snowflakes out there.

I often try to achieve a balance, releasing small metered doses of gas so that work colleagues or family members dont notice and allowing me to relieve my own personal needs. Once there's no smell its all good, but obviously there is often a terrible pong. In recent years, special underwear has been developed to address these issues by capturing the odours and not allowing them to escape, have any of you tried these or found them any good?

Kylta · 19-08-2020 3:17pm

Every 30seconds whoa that's Guinness book of records stuff. I really don't know if its a man thing, but most men love to fart and boast about it to. At least if I fart ill admit it, (though not all time especially if its an SBD and I feel up to mischief so ill blame somebody else). I farted one time and my neighbours thought we had a block sewer drain, so I say fart away to your hearts content (but not near me in case your rotten). Oh women's fart smell worst than men's without a doubt

feelings · 19-08-2020 3:21pm

Every 30 seconds? That's gas! Sounds like you have some food intolerance or IBS!

Stigura · 19-08-2020 4:30pm

Oh for those long lost, halcyon days when I could trust a fart without the extremely real risk of thus committing social suicide

ThewhiteJesus · 19-08-2020 4:33pm

better out than in is my motto,
you can usually tell if it's an sbd or one you have to push out for ultimate relief,
if it's the latter i generally go somewhere i can lift a leg and enjoy the release in full volume

touts · 19-08-2020 4:41pm

Grey Fox wrote: »

.

I often try to achieve a balance, releasing small metered doses of gas so that work colleagues or family members dont notice and allowing me to relieve my own personal needs. Once there's no smell its all good, but obviously there is often a terrible pong. In recent years, special underwear has been developed to address these issues by capturing the odours and not allowing them to escape, have any of you tried these or found them any good?

They notice and there is always a smell. You are just nose blind and they are too polite to tell you to your face but believe me they are talking about you behind your back. You are what society refers to as "a smelly bollox".

Go see a doctor.

Grey Fox · 19-08-2020 5:02pm

Kylta wrote: »

Every 30seconds whoa that's Guinness book of records stuff. I really don't know if its a man thing, but most men love to fart and boast about it to. At least if I fart ill admit it, (though not all time especially if its an SBD and I feel up to mischief so ill blame somebody else). I farted one time and my neighbours thought we had a block sewer drain, so I say fart away to your hearts content (but not near me in case your rotten). Oh women's fart smell worst than men's without a doubt

On my very worst day it was that regular. I dont know what caused it but the pressure in my tummy was very extreme and often painful. I simply couldnt hold them all in or I would have exploded. I take it you're a woman? Nice of you to be so honest about your emissions, most women pretend they dont do it at all. I had a labrador once with gas problems, they were the stinkiest I've ever experienced and she used to look at me guiltily every time she did one.

The Undecided One · 19-08-2020 5:07pm

I had similar problems for years and it was all down to lactose intolerance. I love dairy but it was causing me massive discomfort.

It all stopped once I started to take a lactase enzyme pill every time I had dairy. It’s an enzyme that some people stop producing as we get older.

I used to be so bad that I would walk and fart every step, it was really bad.

For starters remove dairy from your diet for a week, you should notice a difference within the next day or two.

Hope this helps ðŸ‘

Invincible · 19-08-2020 5:07pm

Have you tried eating cabbage ?
The odourless undies probably have a charcoal filter to remove the smell.
Have you tried taking probiotics?

Grey Fox · 19-08-2020 5:14pm

touts wrote: »

They notice and there is always a smell. You are just nose blind and they are too polite to tell you to your face but believe me they are talking about you behind your back. You are what society refers to as "a smelly bollox".

Go see a doctor.

Yes I've considered that as a very real possibilty, and sometimes I have been caught. But for the most part I find it works reasonably well. So do you hold them in all day yourself? I have done that sometimes when absolutely necessary, its not good for the body. The function is there for a reason.

I wouldnt be inclined to see a doctor about this tbh.

Kylta · 19-08-2020 7:09pm

Grey Fox wrote: »

On my very worst day it was that regular. I dont know what caused it but the pressure in my tummy was very extreme and often painful. I simply couldnt hold them all in or I would have exploded. I take it you're a woman? Nice of you to be so honest about your emissions, most women pretend they dont do it at all. I had a labrador once with gas problems, they were the stinkiest I've ever experienced and she used to look at me guiltily every time she did one.

Wrong spy mate, I'm a man. Women don't admit to farting

ThewhiteJesus · 20-08-2020 2:17pm

machine gun farts are the best

Gerry Hatrick · 20-08-2020 2:20pm

No advice OP but one of life's finest pleasures is farting silently in a packed lift.

Kylta · 20-08-2020 2:52pm

Gerry Hatrick wrote: »

No advice OP but one of life's finest pleasures is farting silently in a packed lift.

I like the queue in shops for that pleasure, let an SBD count to 8 then step out of the queue , or stay in queue and blame the person in front of you. Thing is social distancing has killed that bit of joy.

irlirishkev · 20-08-2020 3:13pm

OP - Go see your GP. He may refer you to a Gastroenterologist or possibly a dietitian. You may have IBS or Coeliac, in which case it's better to know than not know.
Or it may be just an intolerance to something so you may need to try an elimination diet (eg FODMAP).

GreeBo · 20-08-2020 3:17pm

Have you tried just taking a dump?

Wibbs · 20-08-2020 5:20pm

If anyone is farting that much their guts are in a complete jock and that's not good. Likely as has been said a food intolerance or allergy. Dairy seems to be a major culprit. Stress can do it. IBS seems to be largely a diagnosis of exclusion. AKA we haven't a bloody clue mate, but since it's something then here's a label.

Change your diet, eat better, which doesn't require much of a plan. Cut out dairy first. No added sugar. No fast foods or anything that comes in a packet with a list of ingredients unknown except to chemists. If that doesn't help then look to getting rid of grains. Probiotics are mostly flimflam as they get nuked by your stomach acid before they get to where they need to get.

Grey Fox · 20-08-2020 6:10pm

irlirishkev wrote: »

OP - Go see your GP. He may refer you to a Gastroenterologist or possibly a dietitian. You may have IBS or Coeliac, in which case it's better to know than not know.
Or it may be just an intolerance to something so you may need to try an elimination diet (eg FODMAP).

Thanks, maybe that would be worthwhile.

Grey Fox · 20-08-2020 6:14pm

Wibbs wrote: »

If anyone is farting that much their guts are in a complete jock and that's not good. Likely as has been said a food intolerance or allergy. Dairy seems to be a major culprit. Stress can do it. IBS seems to be largely a diagnosis of exclusion. AKA we haven't a bloody clue mate, but since it's something then here's a label.

Change your diet, eat better, which doesn't require much of a plan. Cut out dairy first. No added sugar. No fast foods or anything that comes in a packet with a list of ingredients unknown except to chemists. If that doesn't help then look to getting rid of grains. Probiotics are mostly flimflam as they get nuked by your stomach acid before they get to where they need to get.

Cheers. I have a pretty good diet as it is. I also used to take soya milk instead of cows milk, and didnt notice any difference when I changed back. I do eat pretty fast, maybe thats a contributory factor.

Grey Fox · 20-08-2020 6:24pm

Gerry Hatrick wrote: »

No advice OP but one of life's finest pleasures is farting silently in a packed lift.

On a flight to Ireland from America once, I was gassed repeatedly by a fellow passenger. Since then I wouldnt inflict it on anyone else. Once I desperately had to do one in work, so I went into my bosses office (well before he was due to arrive in) and dropped a horrible dirty bomb. I didnt wait long enough before going back to my desk though, and my co-worker was apalled by the smell that folleed me back out. I tried to make some excuses but we both knew the truth.

ongarboy · 20-08-2020 10:47pm

The worst is where you enter an empty lift at work where the previous passenger clearly left off a stinker. Then on the next floor, other workers (whom you invariably know) enter the lift and assume it's you!!

guitarhappy · 20-08-2020 11:16pm

Nobody wants to talk about the wet ones?
Come on, lads. You can do better.

Kylta · 20-08-2020 11:20pm

guitarhappy wrote: »

Nobody wants to talk about the wet ones?
Come on, lads. You can do better.

Ah when cloth is finally touch

Gael23 · 24-08-2020 9:23am

Better out than in

Grey Fox · 21-02-2024 12:16pm

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't checked in with an update in so long. Since my last post on this topic I have got more and more involved in personal rights and rectal health advocacy. I have been raising awareness and funding a lot of valuable work in this area.

I founded a scientfic laboratory in Feakle, County Clare and my team and I have been working feverishly in the last few years on a wide range of flatal issues. One of our main bodies of work was a long term study into the likelihood of transmission of covid-19 and other diseases through flatulence. As we know from the pandemic, covid cells pass through human digestive systems and are still active when they come out the other side. We investigated whether or not covid could be transmitted via airborne ass emissions, and while the results so far have been inconclusive, it is hoped that our work in this area can help inform policy and help us to be more prepared for the next pandemic.

We have also been working on tackling the social stigma around farting, so that people can express themselves and carry out this natural function free from judgement. To this end, one of my lead scientists has been developing scented suppositary gel ("Toot-paste", patent pending). When applied to the affected area, this can transform the traditionally noxious fumes into delightful fragrances of choice, such as lavender, ginger and lemongrass or even passionfruit. Imagine being complimented for guffing loudly in a lift or packed Luas! This is the vision we have been striving for.

In recent times I have begun to have my flatulence scientifically assessed at regular intervals. The resulting data generated on a wide range of metrics will help build up a profile of not only anal health, but can contribute to a holistic picture of general wellbeing. Fascinatingly, I was able to find out that when it comes to farting, I'm a baritone!! We are also in talks with Apple to try and get farting data added to the iphone health app.

That's all I have for now folks. I'm happy to answer any questions you have. If anyone would like to volunteer for this worthy cause please make yourselves known to me. Warm regards!

Grey Fox · 09-03-2024 7:49am

Do you reckon the Government will ever try to put a tax on methane emissions from humans? All the talk seems to be about the cows, but with over 5 million people in the country you'd think this could be a significant source of co2. Although I havent seen any data or peer-reviewed studies on this.

Greta Thunberg claims to have been able to manipulate her diet and body so that she's carbon neutral. I'm sceptical of this, but even if its true I doubt the average man on the street would be compelled to follow suit, and it would be nigh on impossible for those who enjoy a heavy night on the guinness.

Perhaps there will be a referendum on this at some stage. I think we need to be wary of the State over-intruding and trying to regulate our personal habits. I would like to see some text inserted into the Constitution to explicitly enshrine our inalienable right to bottom burps, and that it will be guarded against attack. But if the Greens continue to have a seat at the Cabinet table this will be a long and difficult battle. Funny story- Eamon Ryan cycled past me on the street the other day, and as he passed he let out a loud toot with such force that it actually appeared to provide him with some thrust on his bicycle! I can only liken the sound to a banshee's wail. I'm not sure how many kilograms of carbon this ejected into the atmosphere, but I couldnt help feeling its another case of "do as I say, not as I do" from our elected officials.

Flatulence

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