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teaching an only child how to play

  • 15-09-2020 7:31pm
    #1
    horgan_p
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 2,604 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    so my DS (3 in nov), has started pre-school. has never gone to creche.
    He is an only child.

    The preschool are bringing to our attention that his idea of playing with the other kids is pushing them and pulling at them.

    Looking back on it, creche for a year before preschool would have been beneficial - hideously expensive - but beneficial (hindsight is a great thing)

    so it looks like we need to teach him how to play and interact with other kids. I am thinking plenty of playgrounds, but are there any other ideas out there ?

    He doesnt have many cousins around his age that I can mix him in with.


Comments

  • #2
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    To be honest, I have 4 kids, and half the time their idea of playing is tearing strips off each other. That said, they don’t do that in school, as far as I’m aware. Have the preschool asked you to work on it, or just mentioned it to you? I’d have thought that the point of pre-school would be teaching him to play and interact with other children


  • #3
    Hoboo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,517 ✭✭✭Hoboo


    Excuse my ignorance, but what's a DS?


  • #4
    Baby01032012
    Registered Users Posts: 1,622 ✭✭✭Baby01032012


    Hoboo wrote: »
    Excuse my ignorance, but what's a DS?

    Dear son


  • #5
    TheBody
    Registered Users Posts: 5,619 ✭✭✭TheBody


    Are there any parent and toddler groups in your area you can attend? Not sure if any are meeting now due to Covid but you could have a look.

    Try googling or searching Facebook to see if there are any.


  • #6
    horgan_p
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 2,604 Mod ✭✭✭✭horgan_p


    jlm29 wrote: »
    To be honest, I have 4 kids, and half the time their idea of playing is tearing strips off each other. That said, they don’t do that in school, as far as I’m aware. Have the preschool asked you to work on it, or just mentioned it to you? I’d have thought that the point of pre-school would be teaching him to play and interact with other children

    I have 3 brothers myself, and most days the house was like a scene from Mad Max so I know where you are coming from.

    The preschool have mentioned that some of the other kids are steering clear of him to avoid the pushing and shoving. I guess this is me getting in front of an issue before it becomes a problem.


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  • #7
    horgan_p
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 2,604 Mod ✭✭✭✭horgan_p


    TheBody wrote: »
    Are there any parent and toddler groups in your area you can attend? Not sure if any are meeting now due to Covid but you could have a look.

    Try googling or searching Facebook to see if there are any.


    Yeah, I hadnt thought of that. there are a few indoor play places (unsure of the correct name) - jungle gyms I guess, but I doubt they are open right now.

    I think its a matter of increasing exposure to other kids, then again this may just be an adjustment phase and in a week or 2 everything will have settled down.


  • #8
    gucci
    Registered Users Posts: 4,277 ✭✭✭gucci


    I would imagine that like most things in life (especially with small children) it will all be fine with a bit of time.

    If he is not used to being around other kids his own age, its going to be a massive mental and physical challenge, but children are amazingly adaptable and he will be flying it in no time. I would imagine even if he was more used to playing with kids his own size, there is still a natural pecking order that needs to be worked out once a new group is established or a new child joins in.

    I worried similar thing would happen with our lad who was "locked down" with us for 4months earlier in the year, but he was grand once he got back into it. 75% of the time he is very good but there is still the 25% of time when you have to remind him to take turns/share etc.

    Practice makes perfect of course, and I think you have the right approach of trying to help and encourage him with a few alternative groups. Just reassure him and positively remind him that no body hits anyone etc


  • #9
    bobbyy gee
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,306 ✭✭✭bobbyy gee


    you need to talk to him
    https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/improper-behavior/breaking-your-toddlers-bad-habits/


  • #10
    horgan_p
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 2,604 Mod ✭✭✭✭horgan_p


    bobbyy gee wrote: »
    you need to talk to him
    https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/improper-behavior/breaking-your-toddlers-bad-habits/

    There's lots to go through in that article, thank you.

    He isn't biting, I don't think it's aggression, I think it's just he doesn't know how to join in with the other kids.

    Many (many) years ago we used to call it the girl who hits you is the girl who likes you. I know that isn't very 2020, it was a different time with different ideas.


  • #11
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    horgan_p wrote: »
    Yeah, I hadnt thought of that. there are a few indoor play places (unsure of the correct name) - jungle gyms I guess, but I doubt they are open right now.

    I think its a matter of increasing exposure to other kids, then again this may just be an adjustment phase and in a week or 2 everything will have settled down.

    Soft play places are open. Personally I won’t be going there though.

    I have a similar situation. 2yr 8 mth old boy with a 6 month old sibling so no playing/sharing at home yet. Never in crèche. I had been planning on going to toddler groups but COVID put a stop to that. But I think that’s what preschool is for. The teacher will correct him at the time. No harm in you mentioning it at home then too. I know it’s horrible to think that other kids won’t want to play with him but I’d say he won’t be long figuring it out.


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  • #12
    Anne_cordelia
    Registered Users Posts: 446 ✭✭Anne_cordelia


    I would say that’s what playschool is for - teaching the social side. Plenty of kids go without being in creche. Just keep reminding him about gentle hands. I wouldn’t be encouraging mixing with unknown children or going to play centres due to covid. He’ll pick it up.


  • #13
    Mrsmum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Mrsmum


    You could do lots of roleplay games with him using teddy bears, dolls etc and create the school scenario in these games and talk about not pushing, being respectful, how to play nicely etc via the toys. But don't make a huge deal of it either. With the teachers at school guiding him and the other children expressing their displeasure, he'll figure it out fairly quickly I'd say.


  • #14
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    horgan_p wrote: »
    so my DS (3 in nov), has started pre-school. has never gone to creche.
    He is an only child.

    The preschool are bringing to our attention that his idea of playing with the other kids is pushing them and pulling at them.

    Looking back on it, creche for a year before preschool would have been beneficial - hideously expensive - but beneficial (hindsight is a great thing)

    so it looks like we need to teach him how to play and interact with other kids. I am thinking plenty of playgrounds, but are there any other ideas out there ?

    He doesnt have many cousins around his age that I can mix him in with.

    Please read the charter. Don't use shorthand when posting here, as shown by another poster its confusing and distracting, making it difficult for people to engage
    Orion wrote: »
    There's been quite a few posts recently breaching the txtspk part of the charter so a reminder is in order.

    Posting in "TxtSpk"
    Please don't do this, enough said.
    This includes forum abbreviations such as DD, DS, OH etc.

    I'm going to add - especially abbreviations such as DD, DS, DH, OH etc etc.

    These acronyms are both cliquey and pointless.

    Cliquey in that if you're part of the crowd you'll know them and if you don't get them you'll feel like an outsider. This forum is inclusive and these acronyms are not - so don't use them.

    Pointless: As J.M. Dodd, Chief Internet Officer of Offbeat Empire said, "Acronyming saves you seconds, and costs readers minutes as they try to translate." - so don't use them. E.g "Son" is three characters, DS is two. Take the time to write the word that everyone understands.

    Repeated offenses will result in warning/infractions.


  • #15
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 12,993 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Anne_cordelia wrote: »
    I would say that’s what playschool is for - teaching the social side. Plenty of kids go without being in creche. Just keep reminding him about gentle hands. I wouldn’t be encouraging mixing with unknown children or going to play centres due to covid. He’ll pick it up.

    Any time when I brought my child to a soft play centre aged 3, he'd just wander around on his own. They wouldn't interact with stranger children in that environment so that option is a waste of time for socialising purposes.

    To thine own self be true



  • #16
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,893 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    I would not get tied in knots about sharing at that age.

    The pushing though, you could work on.If you can arrange a playdate or meeting in a park or something with another child where you can intervene and stop him pushing and pulling.He is big enough that you can say "X doesn't like when you push.Maybe a better way would be to run with each other" or similar.Play centres are only alright in this scenario because you cannot be in all parts of the playframe with him, and also there are other kids in close quarters who can get tangled in the altercations too.

    The other thing would be books and roleplaying if possible.Ask the preschool are their any good books you could read with him, or have they any ideas about how you can work on it in a way that carries througg between home and school.My second child was doing an exercise on "filling a bucket" last year in preschool...kindness filled their bucket, but unkindness to someone emptied the other person's bucket.They had a visual of a little tub with pompoms to put in over a few weeks, which really helped (and then they took their bucket home with a little treat!).She really enjoyed that and she was 3 at the time.

    My only other piece of advice is to keep calm.Do not over-react with grabbing and shouting at him if he does it, because you are making a huge deal out of the behaviour then, and sure, being the age he is, he will just keep pushing that boundary to see your reaction to it.It is a tough thing to do when you don't know the other parent or child fairly well by the way, so I would suggest seeing if there is anyone you comfortable with for the first few times??Also I would absolutely not allow it at home with yourselves either, not even in fun, for now.


  • #17
    horgan_p
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 2,604 Mod ✭✭✭✭horgan_p


    Thanks so much for that. Its difficult when you are unsure if you are doing the right thing or the wrong thing.

    Its also great to get a sense of where the preschools part to play in this is.


  • #18
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,893 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Well, it's more because they are on the spot with the child when he is interacting with other children, and you are not. If you were, it would be different because you would be able to step in with your own consistent way of helping him to interact. But anything that can make the carry-over from house to interaction under other adults with a lot of other children in the preschool smoother, would be helpful I think.


  • #19
    CoBo55
    Registered Users Posts: 8,723 ✭✭✭CoBo55


    Baby01032012 wrote: »
    Dear son

    Sweet Jesus I've seen it all now...
    What's wrong with just letting him out to play?
    My grandson is an only child, he plays with the neighbours children, all varying ages he's probably one of the younger ones, just over 3, by and large he manages just fine, there's the occasional only child tantrum but he just has to get on with it.


  • #20
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    CoBo55 wrote: »
    Sweet Jesus I've seen it all now...
    What's wrong with just letting him out to play?
    My grandson is an only child, he plays with the neighbours children, all varying ages he's probably one of the younger ones, just over 3, by and large he manages just fine, there's the occasional only child tantrum but he just has to get on with it.

    Maybe they live somewhere with no other kids? We live in the country so that’s not possible. Maybe they think 3 is too young to be out playing unsupervised which you seem to be suggesting (maybe I’m wrong).


  • #21
    SixtaWalthers
    Registered Users Posts: 249 ✭✭SixtaWalthers


    If he has started pre-schooling then for sure, he would meet several kids of his own age there and would able to know how to play together. I don’t think parents should care for every single step of their kids. Some things they can explore their own. You can make friendships with your neighbouring moms and allow your son to play with neighbouring kids. In this way, it is not only easy to have an eye on the kid, but such friendships also work for a long time.


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