Weddingwoes

LegacyUser · 13-09-2020 4:44pm #1

Not mine, a friends.

They were supposed to get married in April but put it back to next month, it was then changed again this time to March of next year and they are considering postponing again if things are not back to normal. All well and good but its getting a bit ridiculous at this stage. I've already taken the days in April and October as annual leave and that can't be changed now they want me to take time off in March but that might not go ahead either.......they have planned a huge three day event and have no intention of getting married unless they can have the wedding they had originally planned so I can see March being changed too.

I want to book my own stuff, I've planned to take time off for my college exams and then some time later in the year for an extended holiday to celebrate my exam results. None of this will leave me with much leave if the march date doesn't go ahead.

I know they have been messed around and I do feel for them but am I being selfish in saying not my problem? I'm fed up listening to it now as if their wedding is the only thing that matters. I'm almost at the point where I am going to say I'll go if I can but if I can't I won't kinda thing and I'll just go for the day and not stay for the other two days. I'm not involved in the wedding party so I'm not essential but I know it will cause hassle anyway.

I can be easily railroaded and guilted into things I don't really want to do. How do I firmly approach this and say my bit?

Smee_Again · 13-09-2020 4:56pm

Just like it’s not your problem that their wedding has had to be postponed, it’s not their problem that your annual leave can’t be postponed.

Just say you can’t go, no need to give a reason.

All the couple want is an answer as soon as possible.

statto25 · 13-09-2020 5:00pm

Rather than attend 3 days, attend one day instead. Or if you want to save your leave, don't go at all. Weddings can't suit everyone's schedules it's just life, covid-19 or not.

JustAThought · 13-09-2020 5:12pm

its also a bit unreasonable of your boss not to allow you to change a day off next March - whatever about Next minth. Are you flexible and reasonable in work - ask the to not punish you because of evolving covid regulations - as for your friends 3 day fiesta - good for them - is that a weekend and a Friday or Monday - thou Im not a great fan of wedding fiestas I wouldn’t say no to a 3 day session now!!! I miss the pub & a chance to kick back & party!

LegacyUser · 13-09-2020 5:54pm

JustAThought wrote: »

its also a bit unreasonable of your boss not to allow you to change a day off next March - whatever about Next minth. Are you flexible and reasonable in work - ask the to not punish you because of evolving covid regulations - as for your friends 3 day fiesta - good for them - is that a weekend and a Friday or Monday - thou Im not a great fan of wedding fiestas I wouldn’t say no to a 3 day session now!!! I miss the pub & a chance to kick back & party!

I can take the days in March but it means I miss out on those days when I really need them. And if it gets pushed back again it will be more wasted time. My boss is great but all this chopping and changing is a pain for him too. I work weekends so I can't avoid taking leave for the wedding which is Friday to Sunday. I'm fed up with the whole thing to be really honest and I feel if March doesn't happen I just don't want to know anymore, let them go off and do it on their own and we can celebrate if things ever get back to normal. All the fun and excitement is gone out of it now its just hassle. Am I being a complete wagon to say to them that if its postponed for the third time I'm out?

Pistachio19 · 13-09-2020 6:41pm

The wedding is not on from the Friday to the Sunday - it's only on one of those days. If you can afford to take that day then perhaps do that, but there's no way you should book the whole weekend off. Is there no way your boss will allow you to work the days in October instead of wasting them?

You are not being a wagon at all. I think I'd find it difficult to say I'd definitely go in March, given that you have already lost days holidays due to their cancelled dates. When do you have to let them know and how soon do you need to book time off for March? I'd be leaving it til nearer the time to book it off if possible. Even then if you can't get the time off at least you have the excuse not to go at all.

Faith · 13-09-2020 6:56pm

I don’t think you’re being a wagon, but I do see both sides. The stress and expense of a wedding is huge, and I feel enormously sorry for anyone who was supposed to get married this year. The couple in question are facing into huge uncertainty, with no answers on the horizon. It sounds like they’re desperately clinging to hope that they can have the day the dreamt of (and quite possibly have already paid for).

You seem to be booking leave very far in advance. Is that necessary? When the wedding is postponed, can you not cancel the leave and work those days instead? Seems to me one approach might be to not book the time off until a few weeks beforehand if possible, when it’s certain that it’s going ahead.

That being said, decline to attend if you’d prefer. The couple may well choose to go ahead with a reduced guest list and you may not even make the cut! You can put your needs first without being a wagon, assuming you are happy to miss the wedding and it won’t cause any fallout.

LegacyUser · 14-09-2020 9:59am

If you can't go OP you can't go. You made the effort for the first dates then the new dates but I'm sure several people will not be able to go due to other commitments it happens. My cousin got engaged but then took nearly 2 years to set a date and when she finally did I had a holiday booked. She tired to guilt me into cancelling or moving my holiday and I just told her no. I get it's a big day for the couple but we can't all plan our lives around what they need.

LegacyUser · 15-09-2020 1:13pm

Thanks for all the replies. I told them over the weekend I wouldn't be able to make the three day event and would go to the one day in March but if that gets cancelled it will be less likely I can go because my exams are too important and I won't be changing my travel plans. They took it bad and it turned into a bit of an argument where some names were called so I think the problem is solved, they don't want me to go at all if I have that attitude. Thanks for your advice those who gave it.

Pistachio19 · 15-09-2020 5:27pm

Weddingguest wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. I told them over the weekend I wouldn't be able to make the three day event and would go to the one day in March but if that gets cancelled it will be less likely I can go because my exams are too important and I won't be changing my travel plans. They took it bad and it turned into a bit of an argument where some names were called so I think the problem is solved, they don't want me to go at all if I have that attitude. Thanks for your advice those who gave it.

You're better off without that level of bridezilla/groomzilla in your life. They might find that you're not the only one backing out of their 3 day ott event!

Fakediamond · 16-09-2020 2:15pm

If I’d seen this post earlier, I would have advised you to say nothing and wait it out. I’m mystified now they think everything will be “normal” by March. There is zero chance that the pandemic will be over or that we will all be vaccinated by then, so the big wedding won’t be going ahead anyway. I do think there is a level of denial about the intermediate future, while we are continuing to experience a pandemic with no cure or effective treatment.

As others have said, their reaction tells you all you need to know about the quality of the friendship really and you’ve saved yourself a lot of stress and expense over the whole business.

16-09-2020 3:43pm

Bullet dodged. Very entitled of them to expect people to attend all 3 days, they need to get over themselves. Your exams are more important - March being a key month in that respect, business end of the college year. And as you're still a student and not working full time, taking a full weekend off from your part time job hits you particularly hard.

A wedding can often be quite helpful in highlighting the true colours of the bride/groom - most are fine, but the a-holes often reveal themselves.

kylith · 16-09-2020 8:56pm

That’s a shame, but bullet dodged there. Shows you what their opinions of other people’s lives and priorities are, really.

road_high · 16-09-2020 9:01pm

Must be part of me getting older but fcuk right off with your three day ****e. If I want to attend I will, if it doesn’t suit I won’t be attending (1 day wedding is painful enough without three). Not to mention the huge expense. Narcissistic bollox and one of the few benefits of Covid is that these tacky cringe fests have been majorly clipped

woodenwonder · 17-09-2020 4:02am

I'd tell them you're going. There's no way on hell big weddings will be allowed March.

Don't book leave for something that won't be happening!

bertiebomber · 22-10-2020 10:43am

wedding invites are like bills unwelcome when they arrive in the door, plan your life her wedding is her life and needing such an extravagant display says more about her need to impress everyone very unhealthy and stupid in these times. so i recommend you plan your stuff and if the wedding is on a weekend the go 1 day and let that be it who has money for 3 day sprees anymore.

Hannibal_Smith · 22-10-2020 10:48am

Mod Note

Bertiebomber this thread is over a month old, not to mention the fact that the OP has said they have addressed their issue. Please do not bump old threads.

Thanks

HS

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