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House guests. Is this unreasonable?

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Comments

  • #122
    Lau2976
    Registered Users Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭Lau2976


    Cryptopagan wrote: »
    I’m using the word right loosely. I don’t think it’s helpful to frame this in terms of what the lease says. Getting into debates about what the lease says, the law and all that are what happens when a houseshare starts going wrong. The OP has a good relationship with their housemate by the sounds of it, and presumably wants to keep it that way.

    On this note OP I would double check your lease if your worried she may raise it with the landlord. My OHs old lease specified guests could be for no more then 2 nights at a time when he was in a house share and no more then twice a month (so essentially 4 days a month with a gap). Not something I’ve ever had in any of mine but worth checking if your unsure and think she might say it to the landlord.


  • #123
    ginandtonicsky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 710 ✭✭✭ginandtonicsky


    Lease says landlord must approve guests that are staying for more than a week. They’ll be here 6 nights so there’s nothing incriminating going on in this. I guess I just want to be mindful of my relationship with my flatmate as it’s been grand til now and I don’t want to breach her trust with all this.

    At the same time I’m intent on asserting myself here too, as I feel she’s got the best deal for herself with the flat and she’s slightly territorial about the place which doesn’t tend to work in my favour in general. None of us is any less entitled here, but it can feel that way sometimes. Then again that’s a separate issue. Main thing here is to make sure we’re as unobtrusive as possible this next week, but equally making sure my friends enjoy themselves too.


  • #124
    Abba987
    Registered Users Posts: 312 ✭✭Abba987


    You have a separate issue in that you feel that you can't be in the sitting room and are confined to your bedroom.

    What is she like socially. This would be a killer for me. Getting up to the loo and running into strangers. Will u be having a few beers at night. Will it be noisy. This would all be going through my head so have a chat about it with her.


  • #125
    Marcusm
    Registered Users Posts: 10,183 ✭✭✭✭Marcusm


    SozBbz wrote: »
    So you'd let a person who pays only equal rent dictate to you? Thats your look out, but I wouldnt let someone dictate to me what I could and couldnt do.




    Nope, not at all. I'm from Dublin and typically my friends were from Dublin too so I didn't really have people coming to stay. My housemate was from the country so she did have occasional guests. This worked fine for me because as much as I'd sometimes have to put up with extra people in the house, she'd also go home for the weekend and I'd have the whole place to myself. House sharing is about cooperation, and on balance here the flatmate has a good deal 99% of the time so she should suck this up as a rare occurrence.

    This isnt a legal case so theres no such thing as precedent. Actually if you read the thread the OP has had guests before (her mother and sister, over a year ago). I'd argue that the flatmate has been getting more than her fair share of good will from the OP and its now time to return the favour. Is the OP to be punished by not being able to have guests because she hasnt been having them regularly? If the OP did this all the time, would that somehow make it alright in your eyes because there would be "precenent"?

    Working from home wasn't much of a thing when I was house sharing but I wouldnt like the idea of sharing with someone who is going to be in the house all day, every day and I don't think I'd be alone in that. Having lights/heat on throughout the day etc all adds up.


    Unless I was subletting or my flatmate was also the landlord, theres no way I'd be allowing myself to be 'veto'd' by someone with no more rights than myself.

    I guess this just proves everyone can have their own perspective. What you see as the flat mate infringing the “right” to have overnight (multiple) night guests can equally be seen as infringing her right to occupy the flat only with the flat mate. The OP was naive in not presenting this as an “ask” rather than a given. That gets many folks back up and, from decades of living in the U.K., I can tell you that where the sharers are not already friends, it’s not unusual for out of town guests not to be accommodated.


  • #126
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    I haven't read all the replies, but it sounds to me like your apartment is too small to have house guests for that long.

    You mention sleeping in the living room from 11pm - is your housemate usually in bed by that time too?

    If they stayed for three nights, then three in Ireland, then the last three in an air bnb it might be better.

    As Benjamain Franklin famously said, "guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days".


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  • #127
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    I do understand your point, but I think it's unfair to say that she has no right to complain about this because you're not often around. That's not her fault, and she didn't ask you not to be around. 6 nights with people staying is really a lot to ask. In my last flatshare, I had a friend coming for just one weekend (Friday and Saturday night) and I cleared it with the flatmate before any flights were booked. If he'd said no, then I'd have asked my friend to stay elsewhere. I don't think guests are automatically OK and I'd always expect to be asked regarding anything over one night.

    What would make me uncomfortable is feeling like I had no control over the situation. I'm on the autistic spectrum (as she could well be) and change is very hard for me. Being told, not asked, that 2 people I don't know are coming for 6 nights and intruding on my space and daily routine would be very challenging. Presumably these guests will each be showering daily and so on, maybe eating breakfast at home? Maybe waking up early and waking her up? That's what I'd worry about. I think flatsharing just comes with the understanding that you can't have guests over the same way you could if you had your own place. Most people who come to see me stay in hostels or hotels.


  • #128
    ginandtonicsky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 710 ✭✭✭ginandtonicsky


    Had a chat with her earlier when I got home from work and cleared the air. She was almost apologising to me for what she said last night and I opened by apologising again for not handling it respectfully. I told her I understood how stressful the scenario could be and it wasn't my intention to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

    It ended fairly amicably, with her giving me tips on how to keep my friends busy around London in the week ahead! And some girly chats about the colleague I kissed in NY :pac::pac::pac: so all back to normal.

    She really is a good person and I think we both just had our backs up last night. I told her I'd make sure we were out of the way during the day and may be around on a few evenings but with the weather forecast set to be amazing, we'll probably spend most of our time in the garden anyway. So all grand in the end (hopefully!) I'll make sure my friends are well briefed to keep the noise down etc but I suspect we'll all get along just fine anyway. Thanks to all for the very lively advice!


  • #129
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    ginandtonicsky wrote: »
    Had a chat with her earlier when I got home from work and cleared the air. She was almost apologising to me for what she said last night and I opened by apologising again for not handling it respectfully. I told her I understood how stressful the scenario could be and it wasn't my intention to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

    It ended fairly amicably, with her giving me tips on how to keep my friends busy around London in the week ahead! And some girly chats about the colleague I kissed in NY :pac::pac::pac: so all back to normal.

    She really is a good person and I think we both just had our backs up last night. I told her I'd make sure we were out of the way during the day and may be around on a few evenings but with the weather forecast set to be amazing, we'll probably spend most of our time in the garden anyway. So all grand in the end (hopefully!) I'll make sure my friends are well briefed to keep the noise down etc but I suspect we'll all get along just fine anyway. Thanks to all for the very lively advice!

    Glad it's all fine now. Good flatmates are hard to find, so I'd make every effort to keep it cordial from now on. Makes life so much easier when you can relax and feel comfortable in a flatshare.


  • #130
    blinding
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,466 ✭✭✭blinding


    Could you get the flat mate arrested for few days / nights . Everybody has something to hide .


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