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Night

  • 20-01-2020 7:51am
    #1
    adrian92
    Registered Users Posts: 563 ✭✭✭


    Any views about this poem (it is about the fear of going to sleep- and the greater fear of waking up)

    (Please tell me if it is a terrible piece of work)


    NIGHT

    It is not really full of darkness.
    It justly seems that way.
    Perhaps unjust.
    But it seems that way.

    In fairness, maybe, there is a dawn-
    so it is said

    Not so sad
    A day; with light that can be almost confronted

    not really


    The night is hard - the dawn is worse.

    But all know this - nothing new.

    The night is hard because the dawn may come


Comments

  • #2
    km85264
    Registered Users Posts: 146 ✭✭km85264


    Hi Adrian
    First of all congratulations on having the courage to post a personal poem up here, and please feel free to share your work any time.
    Poetry is a very personal thing and good versus bad is such a subjective thing. Ultimately, you need to be the arbiter of whether it’s good or not. Read it over ten times, put it away for a month and read it again. Does it still inspire the emotions in you that you had when you wrote it. Do all the sentences read smoothly?
    For me, I’m a short story writer, I would ask how you are engaging the reader. There’s a voice expressing despair but who’s voice is it? Paint us a picture of the narrator. Make us sympathetic to him and the emotion of his voice will ring stronger. Having said that, I’m not a poet, I’m probably not giving good poetry advice :-)
    Whatever you do, keep on writing, you know you’re good enough to post!! Enjoy it
    Kieran


  • #3
    Sheridan81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Sheridan81


    It sounds like a series of unfocused non sequiturs to me. It doesn't say anything.


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