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Gift Register

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Comments

  • #62
    Teach30
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    beveragelady wrote: »
    You come across as grabby and entitled but I don't think that's the story at all. I think you measure your own worth by looking at the pricetags on 'gifts' you extract from people around you. You spend money on designer goods because of the same logic. 'It's expensive and that means it's valuable and it's mine so that means I'm valuable.'

    I.

    Not in the least grabby or entitled, I work hard and enjoy nice things as a result of that. I prefer quality over quantity and if that’s means “designer” then so be it. If I value expensive, good quality things and appreciate them and the work that goes into achieving them it doesn’t mean I’m at all entitled as you say.

    My train of thought is that a list would allow older guests who would appreciate the idea (know I would find it useful if friends used lists) the opportunity to gift something of practical use. They don’t have to refer to it.

    If it’s not your style then that’s grand but no need to bring someone else down over it and make them feel bad for having a different set of values to yours.


  • #63
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,981 ✭✭✭skallywag


    I think it is a great idea OP.



    If a large portion of your guests are older rural folk then I can completely understand how many will not feel comfortable giving cash. That said they will still very likely want to get you a valuable gift, and will very often struggle to select something which they think that you will really enjoy receiving. Hence having a facility where they can browse items which they know in advance that you will enjoy is also taking what can be a heavy weight off their own minds. I also identify completely with the fact that many who will not be able to attend due to the current climate will want to get you a gift regardless.



    OP, you came on here asking a fair question and I can only applaud you for not being risen by some of the bitchy, interfering and frankly totally inappropriate comments which you have received. Hopefully you were familiar with this particular forum in advance. If should be one of the happier places on Boards but for some reason which is beyond me it tends to be perhaps the nastiest and bitchiest location on the forum.


  • #64
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Teach30 wrote: »
    Thanks for the input, of course I’m not making anyone give money It’s a suggestion list no one has to use it if they don’t want to!

    There will be a over 200 people who unfortunately can’t come as I imagine strict restrictions will remain in place over the coming months.
    If a list was there it might be a nice way for anyone who wished to bid us well with a small token a way to do so. If not that’s grand too.

    I’m still unsure but in my mind it makes practical sense.

    If they can’t come they may not choose to give a gift. Some people only do so because they feel they should after being the recipient of a couples hospitality - take that away and they may not feel obligated.

    I know you are setting up the register for older people who may not be comfortable giving cash. Respectfully I say don’t assume they will be in a position to buy something from a high end shop either. Wedding registers do put pressure on people and now more than ever I think you need to be mindful that other people may not be as well off as you.

    I really think under the circumstances you should think about holding off on sending out the register unless specifically asked about a gift. What is the worst that will happen? You get some cash or gifts you aren’t keen on? Is it really that bad?

    I know you’ve said before it’s the done thing and tit for tat gift buying is the norm but it’s ridiculous notions like that that lead people to overstretch themselves. Now more than ever I think we all need to remember the pressures some people are under, perhaps privately. You won’t remember your wedding for the gifts anyway.


  • #65
    beveragelady
    Registered Users Posts: 854 ✭✭✭beveragelady


    Teach30 wrote: »
    Not in the least grabby or entitled, I work hard and enjoy nice things as a result of that. I prefer quality over quantity and if that’s means “designer” then so be it. If I value expensive, good quality things and appreciate them and the work that goes into achieving them it doesn’t mean I’m at all entitled as you say.

    My train of thought is that a list would allow older guests who would appreciate the idea (know I would find it useful if friends used lists) the opportunity to gift something of practical use. They don’t have to refer to it.

    If it’s not your style then that’s grand but no need to bring someone else down over it and make them feel bad for having a different set of values to yours.

    If you read it again you'll see that in fact I said that I don't think you're grabby or entitled, I think there's something else behind all this 'I'm worth it' rhetoric.


  • #66
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    Each to their own and all that but a gift registry for people who are unlikely to attend you wedding.

    I'm not usually judgemental but struggling here. It has such an air of "I don't trust any of your judgment in terms of gifts or budget so I'm going to control it for you so you don't mess up".

    I've only once been send a gift registry from a couple. They didn't get a gift nor did I attend the wedding. They both have notions of lifestyle neither can afford & look down on everyone. Maybe that's colouring my judgment.


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  • #67
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Mod note: Okay, I think this thread is going around in circles now, so I'm going to lock it.


This discussion has been closed.
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