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  • 17-12-2017 10:15pm
    #1
    Carlowgirl
    Registered Users Posts: 296 ✭✭


    Hi

    I need some urgent help please.

    I ve been with my fiancé for 8 years. Found out 4 years ago he had a gambling problem and we have had our ups and down on and off since.

    Last year he did an intensive addiction therapy programme and it seemed to be working.

    Last night I found that he has been recording at the races previews and watching them and deleting them before I see them. He denied it and now he is admitting it but saying he still isn't gambling.

    Checked his account. Money isn't down but he doesn't do online banking so cant tell for sure what money was taken out for.

    We are in the middle of buying a house. I cant cope. Does anyone know if he is watching racing that he is gambling again. He says he isn't but I ve been caught up in these lies before.

    Heartbroken!


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    #2
    John317
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭John317


    Carlowgirl wrote: »
    Hi

    I need some urgent help please.

    I ve been with my fiancé for 8 years. Found out 4 years ago he had a gambling problem and we have had our ups and down on and off since.

    Last year he did an intensive addiction therapy programme and it seemed to be working.

    Last night I found that he has been recording at the races previews and watching them and deleting them before I see them. He denied it and now he is admitting it but saying he still isn't gambling.

    Checked his account. Money isn't down but he doesn't do online banking so cant tell for sure what money was taken out for.

    We are in the middle of buying a house. I cant cope. Does anyone know if he is watching racing that he is gambling again. He says he isn't but I ve been caught up in these lies before.

    Heartbroken!

    Hello, sorry to hear about your predicament, the reason he is deleting them and trying to hide it is a source of concern, its hard to know if he is still gambling but it sounds like he is or is going to start, you need to confront him really as this problem will escalate otherwise, its not the time of year for conflict perhaps let the christmas pass and then confront him as if he wants a future with you honesty will have to come into play, if he had nothing to hide he wouldn't be trying to delete the horse racing he recorded, he may need more help and its a terrible addiction that affects people close, so hope things work out for you, but by taking a big step in buying a new house please make sure you know the truth before you undertake this move as you don't want any major money concerns while paying a mortgage.

    Best of luck and try to enjoy christmas without worry


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    #3
    mrs.doubt.fire
    Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭mrs.doubt.fire


    You could set up CCTV around the TV that does not require cables, but only requires batteries to operate it. If you could hide it so he don't see it. The only one I know of is called a ''field cam'', it can be set to take photo's and video, or one or the other. If set to video it will also record sound, it will also automatically record date and time regardless of which setting you chose, but it will only record when movement is detected... ie when someone walks past it or in front of the TV, so set it up facing the tv, and it will also record what is being viewed on the tv. Field cams cost from €199 to €300 each, the guy in the shop will set it up for you if you ask, and then you just switch it on when you get home and place it where you need it to be. You'll also need an SD card like you put in a digital camera, you can then either view the evidence on the field cam it's self, or down load them onto your computer/lap top. You can let it tape away for 2 weeks with out having to check it.

    If in doubt, postpone the purchase of any house until your 110% sure that his gambling addiction is honestly and truly over. After all, you dont want to be dragged into his gambling debts on top of a mortgage which would surely destroy your financial credit rating through no fault of your own.

    Go to done deal web site and search for ''security cameras'' or ''field cams''.

    I'm sorry sweetheart but your going to need hard evidence and you'll get that with CCTV, if only to reassure your self that he is telling the truth.. or lies about his addiction.

    If you get the field cam and it turns out he's telling you the truth, you can then rest assured, and you can use the field cam as a house security device for your new home as they are suitable for out doors in all weathers.

    I'm sorry dear, but your going to have to be cruel to be kind, not forgetting his type of addiction involves large amounts of money that could ruin you both in the future.


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    #4
    exaisle
    Registered Users Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭exaisle


    Hi.

    I'm aware that there's a GA meeting in Carlow weekly.

    Does he attend? If not, he might find it useful and it would be a sign that he's on the right road if he agreed to attend.

    http://www.carlowcathedral.ie/2009/11/gamblers-anoymous/


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    #5
    callaway92
    Registered Users Posts: 14,325 ✭✭✭✭callaway92


    Pretty much nobody watches Horse Racing that religiously without gambling. Coupled with the fact he's deleting them etc it's cut and dry what's going on here.


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    #6
    mrs.doubt.fire
    Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭mrs.doubt.fire


    Carlowgirl wrote: »
    I ve been with my fiancé for 8 years. Found out 4 years ago he had a gambling problem and we have had our ups and down on and off since. Heartbroken!

    While it's always best to ask for advice, some times the advice we get is not what we want to hear. If he cant be true, honest and loyal to you now, try and imagine what married life would be like with him for the next 50+ years. (#Fish #Sea)


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    #7
    kurtainsider
    Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭kurtainsider


    Non gambler here - I would imagine that very few people sit watching horse racing because they like to look at horses running. Why would anyone who isn't betting on the result care which horse finishes first?


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    #8
    ANDREWMUFC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 484 ✭✭ANDREWMUFC


    kurtainsider wrote: »
    Non gambler here - I would imagine that very few people sit watching horse racing because they like to look at horses running. Why would anyone who isn't betting on the result care which horse finishes first?

    Because it’s a sport that we love. I know myself that I can watch racing without having a bet, especially if the racing is good


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    #9
    diomed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,744 ✭✭✭diomed


    I will have about a dozen bets a year, flat racing only,
    But I have an annual badge for The Curragh so will watch racing at the course (about 16 race meetings / 100+ races), and I watch horseracing on television.


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    #10
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,097 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    Of course there are people who enjoy only watching races.

    But a recovering gambling addict watching racing on the sly and deleting the evidence?

    Even if he hasn't placed a cent on a bet recently that is still asking for trouble.


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    #11
    wally1990
    Registered Users Posts: 1,222 ✭✭✭wally1990


    ANDREWMUFC wrote: »
    Because it’s a sport that we love. I know myself that I can watch racing without having a bet, especially if the racing is good

    True

    my grandfather loves horses and doesn’t gamble at all and always watches the racing and follows the news affairs with it


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    #12
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Get out now while you can. Addiction is a terrible strain on a marriage. Seen it all before


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    #13
    KevinCavan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 612 ✭✭✭KevinCavan


    If he has a previous history of gambling problems, this is a major red flag.


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    #14
    DesperateDan
    Registered Users Posts: 1,582 ✭✭✭DesperateDan


    skooterblue2 wrote:
    Get out now while you can. Addiction is a terrible strain on a marriage. Seen it all before


    It's not that easy if you love the person and want to help them though.


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