Best comeback EVER

Popinjay · 22-02-2008 3:08pm #1

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who
interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws
you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC
interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a
Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

MrJoeSoap · 22-02-2008 3:08pm

Genius.

Homer · 22-02-2008 3:13pm

Here's another great comback!

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line.

kaimera · 22-02-2008 3:15pm

stars.

I know there's a line involving comeback and yore sisters face but I can't put it together right now

Popinjay · 22-02-2008 3:18pm

kaimera wrote: »

stars.

I know there's a line involving comeback and yore sisters face but I can't put it together right now

Does it go with the following:

Me: How do you like your eggs in the morning love?

Poor unfortunate girl: Unfertilised, thanks!

Me: Yore sister's face etc.....

Or similar?

rocky25 · 22-02-2008 5:48pm

Briliant comebacks, great posts peoples:D

Sherifu · 22-02-2008 5:57pm

Great comebacks, stars on the way.

Caoimhín · 22-02-2008 6:07pm

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

Plug · 22-02-2008 6:27pm

Ha:D what a wanker though!

Caoimhín · 22-02-2008 8:06pm

War criminal, but a witty war criminal.

Jay P · 23-02-2008 1:48pm

There absolute genius. Frickin brilliant.

Font22 · 23-02-2008 1:57pm

so funny!!

Profiler · 23-02-2008 2:38pm

caoibhin wrote: »

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

I heard another one which was claimed to have been said by Winston.

Another female member of the aristocracy was in an argument with him and said "... if you were my husband I'd poison your tea!"

Winston replied "... Madam, if you were my wife I'd drink it..."

MarkR · 23-02-2008 2:49pm

Maybe not brilliant, but I thought it was funny. Last night playing Halo 3 on xbox live. Some twat was moaning about how everyone but him was crap. Said "For Fúcks sake, everyone here is either a noob or a ******!"

I asked him which one he was. Didn't answer.

Popinjay · 23-02-2008 6:37pm

Homegrown humour MarkR! I like it.

rocky25 · 23-02-2008 7:36pm

MarkR wrote: »

Maybe not brilliant, but I thought it was funny. Last night playing Halo 3 on xbox live. Some twat was moaning about how everyone but him was crap. Said "For Fúcks sake, everyone here is either a noob or a ******!"

I asked him which one he was. Didn't answer.

Good one Mark

Capt'n Midnight · 24-02-2008 6:02pm

Generic comeback lines

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication.

You're just jealous because the little voices talk to me.

Police Comeback Lines

1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.

2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!

3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.

5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?

6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.

8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.

9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.

10. HAVE A NICE DAY.

orestes · 24-02-2008 6:07pm

Funny stuff, have some stars!

JeanClaude · 24-02-2008 6:38pm

Another police one (allegedly)
Young Woman driver after being stopped: "Officer i thought ye didn't give tickets to young attractive women"

Officer: "thats correct, we don't, ........now here's your ticket"

Slidey · 25-02-2008 1:42am

guy gets stoppped for speeding

Cop saunters up to the window with the usual smirk on his face 'i've been waiting for you all day'

Driver says 'well i got here as quick as i could'

Hagar · 29-02-2008 2:44pm

I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, "Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?"

She said, "Do you like sex?"

I said, "Of course I like sex."

She said, "Do you like to travel?"

I said, "Yeah, I love to travel."

She said, "Then f#ck off."

blackbox · 29-02-2008 3:06pm

Cross examination

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: His brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Heisenberg. · 29-02-2008 3:09pm

This post has been deleted.

cozmik · 01-03-2008 9:22am

I gave the President my book. He raised an eyebrow. "Who wrote this for ya, Geldof?" he said without looking up from the cover. Very dry. "Who will you get to read it for you, Mr. President?" I replied. No response.

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1717934-1,00.html

great unwashed · 01-03-2008 10:44pm

caoibhin wrote: »

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

A teacher told me a Churchill one where Churchill was pissed again.

Churchill was giving a speech and his assistant said to him "Sir Winston, your penis is sticking out". "Don't flatter yourself Mrs. Braddock, it's hanging out".

I read a lot of Churchill and there was none of that in it

Best comeback EVER

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